OTH Season 7 Finale - Schwahn's Answer to Insomnia...

Need help sleeping? Watch the finale of One Tree Hill and you'll be off in the land of zzz's in no time!

But since I was not fortunate enough to need a sleeping pill in the form of a lame episode... I just have to say...

I knew there was a reason I liked Katie so much!

It's a sad day indeed when the best part of a finale is the final 40 seconds, but sitting through that torturous garbage was almost worthwhile when I got to see the evil succubus known as Quinn James cop one in the gut! Please, for the love of all that is fair and decent...

KILL OFF QUINN JAMES!

Yes, we finally managed to reach the season finale, and in true Tree Hill style (circa season 4 and beyond) not only was it a complete let down in every conceivable way, but the hour of my life that I will never get back also made it abundantly clear that Mark must be sucking some serious dick in order to gain himself another season of this television series. I mean really, this was nothing more than a bland and lifeless way to end this ridiculous season of One Lame Hill.

Whether it was the cliche one-liners, gag-worthy "I Love Yous" or annoying Pimp My Julian story lines, this final episode was nothing but a fucking snooze fest! So, let's get this dribble over with so we can go on living our lives...

Not even sure where to start because sifting through shit was never my strong point. Bottom line though - this episode was so fucking boring!

If the finale were a movie - I'd demand a fucking refund and sue them for fraud for calling this show entertainment!

So... Naley. What the fuck happened to this couple? During the week I had to deal with a fuck stick who decided to vehemently deny that Haley was trying to kill herself. Well, what the fuck do you call throwing yourself into a pool in order to "feel something"? My question would be what the fuck would have happened if Nathan hadn't come jumping into the pool to drag your dumb ass out of the pool, huh? Todd got it right when he said to me "If she wants to feel something, she should just fuck her husband..." which I am in total agreement about! At least then no more lives are lost in this lame storyline and Haley's character remains in tact. This version of Haley is the worst I've fucking seen her and not what I'd call entertainment.

Nathan was a waste of space in this episode because really, he did fuck all. I'm not even gonna get started on Jamie being in this so damn much either because I hate the little ferret... and lucky us, we get to have another James baby on the way because apparently that's the only fucking storyline that Mark wants to give Naley - they get boring, knock Haley up. I'm sure we all called this shit weeks ago when Mama James croaked - Haley would have a girl and name it after her Mom. I rolled my eyes when I saw that, and I just knew this show wasn't even going to try and redeem itself.

And who else thought that whole owl-thing was just pure shit? Like, there were no words for how stupid that was. Of course the idea came from dumb-ass Quinn, and I expect that stupidity from the shows poster-child airhead, but really Haley? Everything is going to be okay because your lame older sister believed your dead mom was reincarnated as an owl and you saw one?

What is this shit?

Speaking of airheads, Quinn James has got to be the biggest fail on this show (second or third only to perhaps Seyton herself and the garbage that was Pucas!) How dumb does a bitch have to be? Not only did I have to stop myself from chucking with all the "I love you" crap being thrown between Quinn and Clay, but how many times do I have to see that nasty hooker in a bikini on this damn show? I thought with snow and all I might be safe, but no, that tranny had to get her shit out all over my screen again and traipse through the bitter winter in front of an unsuspecting public? Word to the wise (cos clearly Mark needs help seeing properly) - Quinn ain't hot in the slightest, and if I want to stab my eyes out just to avoid seeing her stamp her skanky ass around, then clearly she doesn't belong on my damn screen!

Quinn James is nasty and as dumb as dog shit!

But maybe not as dumb as Brooke. After fawning over her lame-ass director boyfriend for the last four episodes, we got rewarded for our loyalty by watching her say "Yes" to what was perhaps the stupidest proposal I'd ever seen. Not only did the rock look like it had come out of a gumball machine, but he didn't even propose properly.

"Marry me, Brooke Davis."

Demanding much? I should have known when he gave her that ultimatum in season 6 he was fucking stupid and not about thinking of his woman, but Brooke Davis has wanted this for how long and that's what she gets? He gets down on his knee after demanding, and she said yes to that bullshit? So far that douche has only gotten one thing right this entire season - and that was his comment about his hair being mean because his forehead took up too much space. The rest of him and his story lines have been boring and useless, and the fact that he has managed to drag down the best character on this show and reduced her to a Seyton-esque doormat has got to be the biggest fucking tragedy this show has ever allowed to happen.

R.I.P Brooke Davis - it was good while it lasted!

So was there anything I actually liked?

Chase and Alex were surprisingly tolerable. Perhaps it's because he makes her seem semi-decent, or perhaps it was because she's not as annoying as fake-tits Mia. Either way, I should have known better than to start to possibly like them, because in true Seyton-style, Mia has come crawling back like the lame bitch she is and messing shit up. Seriously, what is with this show and hoes? Mia looks too disgusting now for me to even discuss (she should ask for her money back on that bad boob job), but I am seriously not in the mood for another triangle on this unoriginal show! Chase should pick Alex and send Mia back on tour with that loser Grubbs.

Mouth and Skills - at least Mouth chose his friend, but I'd seriously question his loyalty. Once a pig, always a pig - just ask Seyton! Also, I don't care about this story. At all.

So... what do we have? Another finale with lives hanging in the balance. Seriously, does Mark not sit down and consider how he ends his previous seasons or does he get his ideas off a cereal box? Look at this shit:

Season 1 - Dan and his heart attack.
Season 2 - Dan and the dealership fire.
Season 4 - Nathan, Lucas and Rachel in the lake.
Season 5 - Dan and his bad heart.
Season 6 - Seyton and her evil spawn.
Season 7 - Quinn and Clay shot.

I feel the only reason season 3 didn't get a finale with someone in mortal danger was because Keith croaked near the finale... same idea though. LAME LAME LAME!

And the network gave this shit another season to torture the public with? Mother fuckers! I mean, even Gossip Girl's finale scored higher ratings for their finale... wake up CW! This show is fucking crap and an eighth season is just embarrassing.

I miss The WB... back when television was good :(

So... what did I learn about this season in retrospect? Well, it appears Mark doesn't give a flying fuck about the loyal fans of the girls in this show. Unless you're a Seyton fan, you've got buckley's chance of your favorite chick character staying true to herself. Haley and her depression storyline was pure shit, and apparently it gets fixed with an owl and a bun in the oven.

Brooke Davis got swallowed into the abyss that is Julian Baker and hasn't been since. I'm considering posting LOST posters, but what would be the point? I don't feel like searching Julian's ass to find her, and we all know her lips have been attached to that thing for the past few episodes... so I'm coming to terms with the fact that Brooke Davis is gone. One Tree Hill is gone. The magic of Naley is gone... and my patience for this show is gone for good.

My only hope is that perhaps Quinn James can be gone too and we might have something to look forward to.

However, with the drama Haley has gone though lately, we all know that has a slim chance of happening. So what else is there to say except...

FUCK YOU MARK SCHWAHN!

Rant and rave peeps!

Toddian & Chrissy

Life Imitating Failed Art.. and something that was supposed to resemble entertainment?

She must be channeling Seyton because... Hilarie Burton is a bona fide HOOKER!

I guess the blond peroxide she donned for playing the evil whore known as Seyton has finally seeped through to that pile of mush that is supposed to resemble her brain! If you are scratching your head and wondering what the fuck these crazy bloggers are on about, here's the low down.

Following in the footsteps of her slutty OTH character Peyton, Hilarie Burton has not only managed to hook up with a new beau, but has also managed to have a baby by him! The thing is - are we at all surprised? Seems the Pucas departure cannot be solely blamed on the douche known as the ex-Mr Bush.

We all know Hilarie hooked up with and married OTH Assistant Director Ian Prange. The couple split in 2008. Cue ahead 18 months and we have Miss Whorebag - I mean Burton - not only with a new man but also with a new son. It's not hard to work out what happened here. The baby is said to be a few months old, and when you add that to the 9 months she was supposed to carry the spawn, it gives her a few months between leaving her husband and shacking up with Grey's Anatomy/Supernatural actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

I smell SKANK!

But a look at the picture shows she hasn't scored herself such a prize catch - the now HUGE-HEADED BEEFCAKE seems to be rather unhappily hooked up with the she devil... and who can blame him? Guess all those Hilarie lovers out there who got all pissed off at Chad for "making" her leave, need to fucking think twice.

Hilarie Burton is a slut!... just like Seyton. *gag*

Speaking of fat heads... onto tonight's episode. I'm not sure how much I can rant on this one seeing as it was just the same bullshit thrown before me as in previous weeks, and after last weeks angered rant, I'll try and make this shorter.

Originality is clearly a thing of the past with One Tree Hill, and I for one, am seriously hoping this shit doesn't get renewed because it's as stale as week old bread and half as appealing!

It could have just been me, but this entire episode just felt like one long filler. It was almost as if they needed an excuse to wrap up certain story lines and they chose the most boring ways possible to do so.

Of course we had Haley's downward spiral. I have to say, this storyline is fast becoming one of the most annoying non-Pucas related story lines of the show. Haley is acting like a complete fucking tool, and it's not like her at all. Tell me why this writer, or group of writers/monkeys feel that changing characters into lesser versions of themselves is something we wanna see? I know losing a parent is hard, but this is just way too over-the-top. Pick yourself up Haley James Scott and stop being so damn sullen. It's boring to watch, and quite frankly, when Haley fans argued they weren't getting gritty enough story lines, I'm sure they never imagined something as stupid as this being thrown their way. Of course Nathan was great, but that seems to be his only job these days. I'm tired of Haley feeling sorry for herself. I'm tired of her wandering around like a moron and I'm tired of this whole story line full-stop. Time to move on.

This show is completely fucked up! For some reason known only to god, Mark Schwahn apparently cannot write story lines for both characters in a ship. One always get front and center whilst the other falls by the wayside to be the bitch. Why can we not have both characters with a decent storyline? If you stop all the pointless side-characters getting so much airtime, you could make room for better story lines for the core 3.

The point? Why the fuck can't you dumb shits write a story for Haley and Nathan that doesn't suck seriously hairy balls?

Moving on to Brooke - who apparently was airing her own program of Pimp My Rider-Director Boyfriend Who Sucks Ass! Seriously, why the fuck do people baby this douche? At one point, he had Brooke, Alex and even Chase telling him how great he was. What does Mark think this is? Do you even known who your fans are, Mr Schwahn? No matter how hard you try to push Julian down our throats, we will hate that fucker, just like we always hated Peyton.

Julian Baker is annoying and needs to fall off a cliff!

Jamie and Quinn - cute I guess. Clearly shows we had nothing better to do with that new character that was supposed to liven up the show. The new James sister = epic fail. It was more like a little fat ferret (I mean, with a pro basketballer dad, this kid shouldn't look like a keg!) running around with Queen McBeak. LOVE LOVE LOVE the Goonies - but having them mentioned in this festering pile of shit-tv show, is like bad publicity. At least i didn't have to endure Quinn and Clay.

Speaking of Clay, guess Katie is gone now and can I just say what a dumb fucking move that was. Even as a nutcase, this actress has a thousand times better chemistry that the Quinnie-Monster and Clay. They should have kept her and bumped Quinn off. That would have made many people cry out in delight! Still, the story seemed to whirl by and end just as quickly.

Moving onto Mia/Chase and Grubbs/lame chick. Don't care about these four at all, and did anyone else find it highly stupid that Mia would break up with Chase because they were apart too much, and then in her final scene mention she is staying in Tree Hill to help run the record company? How fucking dumb was that? Move on Chase, you deserve better. I was actually kinda hoping he and Alex would hook up. Random, I know, but they seemed to have better chemistry! Mia just needs to fuck off for good because there is no point to her what-so-ever!

Why is it when they pull a character-disappearing act on this show, they never get rid of the ones we really hate?

Oh, and Victoria is now gone too. Cute mother/daughter moments but I kinda rolled my eyes at the end there. Seriously, we get the point. Victoria is a great Mom now and she's so proud of her daughter.. blah blah blah! Whatever. Doormats are nothing to be proud of, and if I have to see Brooke and Julian attempt sexy again, I think I might scream! I am so sick of Brooke's only purpose in this show being that of Julian's cheer squad. I was so happy to hear Brooke mention Haley's name... and then what happened to Baley? Oh that's right... NOTHING! Victoria gave Haley the pep talk that did nothing because the selfish prat threw herself in a pool at the end... and we got Brathan instead. Brathan sucked. I would have been all for them once upon a time, but Nathan is such a mush right now that he's somehow managed to be more boring than ever, and when you mix that with Brooke's self-deprecating ways, you've got television crap at it's worst!

So when you think about it, this episode really was just a filler and a huge waste of time!

- The following people supposedly are gone:
Victoria, Alexander, Millicent, Sara and that British chick (whose name I never remember cos I really don't give a fuck about her and Grubbs in the slightest!)

- Mia and Chase are over (who the fucks cares though, seriously? I Hate Mia and her annoying face!)

- Naley were not anywhere near as close to being as good as they can be (I miss season 2/3 where the best Naley angst and passion resided!)

- Pimp My Julian moved to prime-time status with the amounts of compliments the douche was getting.

- Clay got rid of Katie even though he has better chemistry with her than that trout Quinn!

- Everyone besides Brooke and Julian are suffering from emotional issues or broken hearts...

... and I'm supposed to somehow vote to get another season of this fucking garbage?

If this is the best it can do... season 8 can shove itself up Mark's ass and stay there with the rest of the shit he makes.

Rant and review... tell us what you think!

Later peeps,

Toddian and Chrissy.

The Horror of Seyton Lives On... No Wonder This Season Sucks Balls!

It's all just a little bit of history repeating in this episode of One Tree Hill, and unfortunately for the viewers out there, it's all the bits we hated that the writers seem to think make for good television. It's a sad, sad world indeed when psychos, chemistry-less couples and backstabbing best friends are what we're still left with after seven long seasons of drama...

Or three seasons of drama and four seasons of bullshit!

As I sat there and forced myself to watch the shit that played out in front of me, I often wondered how it was even possible that Mark Schwahn still has a job? Creatively, the douche ran out of ideas at the end of the third season. Since then, nothing has been new, old scenes have been re-used by other characters and apparently, although the shows viewers have grown older and clearly wiser to this shows bullshit, the writers are still stuck back in High School where they think watching the same storylines over and over again is somehow appealing.

Think again dickheads!

Season 7 promised me one amazing fact, and it was this fact that made me watch this season in the first place:

THE PROMISE OF NO PEYTON SAWYER!

Yet everywhere I turn, that backstabbing, two-faced, crying emo-slut is front and center, and why? Because Mark Schwahn cannot let the bitch go. I swear, this guy cannot function unless he has some traits of the she-devil present in this lame-ass show... just look at this crap:

1. Seyton's Cheating with Best friend Award goes to Mouth. Sorry Skillz, apparently this asshole didn't learn a thing from Peyton's days of being a dumb whore.

2. Seyton's Crying at Everything and Being a Complete Sap Award goes to Quinn. Seriously, does this bitch even know what a facial expression is? I hope Katie whoops her ass! That would be the highlight of my season!

3. Seyton's Act Like a Doormat for Your Lame Boyfriend Award goes to Brooke. I'm disappointed in what they have done to our fair Brooklyn. Brooke Davis is a strong, fiery and independent woman. Bring Julian Baker into the picture and suddenly she's like Seyton and acting like she has no pride. The dude was a complete dick to you and you're acting like he's god fucking gift? Please... the forehead alone is enough to make me run. Brooke needs an exorcism to get Seyton out of her system and pronto, cos this new Brooke sucks ass!

4. Seyton's Take Your Dead Mommy Issues Out On Everyone Else Award goes to Haley. Come the fuck on, this is pure bullshit at its stinking worst. Haley is known for being the strongest character on the show, sometimes to the point of being morally overbearing. Yet some Mark Schwahn-bitch expects us to believe that she's losing the plot over a mother she knew was dying... yet show no emotion for the father who apparently croaked it sometime in the hiatus? Fuck off, what a croc of shit!

5. Seyton's Lifetime Achievement of Douche-baggery Award goes to Mark Schwahn for thinking this fucking crapfest is good television!

Not even a delicious chocolate milkshake courtesy of Donut King could save me from the slow and painful viewing of this week's episode. It couldn't even numb the pain. So where to begin?

Apart from having my gag reflexes tested with every Seyton-ish act from characters who apparently don't exist anymore, nothing about this episode was even remotely memorable. So I guess we better just start from the beginning and slowly descend into hell, shall we?

Let's begin with the attempt-at-something-emotional scenes involving Haley. Now usually I would be all for Bethany getting to stretch her legs and deliver some great scenes, because we all know this fine lady can act. Unfortunately, watching her fall into a zombie-like status where she sets a piano on fire and effectively endangers the lives of her husband and kid, are NOT the kind of scenes I wanna see Haley involved in. What the fuck has happened to this show? Haley is probably the most stable and dependable characters in this entire show, so this bullshit storyline of her losing it has come too little, too late for me to be buying into it. Haley would NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER fucking do that to Nathan and Jamie and I was so pissed off that they're turning her into a crazy nutcase. What, Carrie, Derek, Katie and Seyton weren't enough? This storyline is fucked and completely unbelievable, especially after Haley dealt with Nathan's depression before... this is the best they can come up with for this couple? I feel sorry for Bethany actually, because seasons of dealing with limited story lines only to be given a shit attempt at emotional-depth, is beyond a joke. Run away as fast as you can Bethany, and find a job where the writers actually KNOW what talent is!

Moving onto the lame love-triangle attempt. I'm just gonna say it - Mouth is a fucking asshole. Did he not learn anything from the Pucas bullshit? The whole "We didn't plan it" seems to be a legit excuse for everything in the spaztastic world of Mark Schwahn... which makes me believe the guy has seriously NEVER dated or actually known true friendship and loyalty in his pathetic excuse for a life. But this whole storyline and the people involved, are stupid. How about Lauren-Whorebag's excuse for why she did it...

You stopped calling = I'm gonna act like a total slut and move on to your best friend.

These chicks are pathetic, and their principles are non-existent. Why does Lauren even have a choice? She is not all that and quite frankly, anyone can do better! Kick her dumb ass to the curb and enjoy life with a chick who knows how to treat her man. I fucking hate Lauren and her damn high horse. I actually relished the fact that Mouth turned her down in the end - serves her right for making a dumb choice like a rodent over Skillz.

Don't even get me started on Millie being all Team Mouth and taking the high road. UGH. Brooke version 2.0 is annoying as hell. Won't any chicks stand up for themselves anymore on this lame-ass show? Grr.

Can I just say though - best part of the whole thing - was Junk slamming the door in Lauren's face before letting Skillz know she was there. No words, no acknowledgement, just a door slam to the face. Hell fucking yeah! Now THAT is a true friend! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, bitch!

The worst part about it? Besides the lame advice dispersed to Skillz by Jamie of all people (like that little ferret would have any idea what he's talking about???), the most sickening thing would have to be the conversation between Mouth and Brooke. Of course this lame scene was just a ploy to get these characters to drop the devil's name in conversation - TWICE.

Newsflash Mark - no one fucking cares about Peyton SawyerBoyfriend-So-I'm-Gonna-Steal-Him!

And can I also just say, that when comparing the two situations (the BLP vs the MSL love triangles), it was fucking typical that Mouth brought up the prom episode with Peyton being all punch-happy (looking like a man, I might add) because, once again, they are trying to pass off Brooke as the one at fault in that tangled mess. Yet they mentioned nothing about what a slut Peyton was in stealing Brooke's boyfriend twice, which would have made more sense seeing as though Mouth is being a total whore the same way Seyton was. What a pile of crap!

And to add insult to the injury of having to hear that whore's name... Brooke gets all gushy-gross over the fact that if it wasn't for Peyton she wouldn't have Julian, so she was glad they made up in the long run, and encouraged Mouth to fix things with Skillz for this reason?

HELL FUCKING NO BITCH!

Nice try Markhole, but if it wasn't for Seyton the man-faced, backstabbing whore, we would still have Brucas, the best couple on the damn show. Brooke may have thanked Seyton for allowing her to meet Julian in some lame attempt to actually pimp the failing couple that is Brooke and Julian - but reminding me of the fact that it was that emo-slut's fault that I am now enduring this god-awful relationship just gave me another reason to hate that hoe.

She's GONE Mark, move on you fucking pussy.

Onto Boolian. The most boring couple of century are still yet to have Julian acknowledge any fault he played in the demise of their relationship to begin with. What are we left with then? Oh that's right, apparently good television is watching Brooke act like a total doormat and waiting hand and foot on her lame 'overworked' boyfriend. Right, cos apparently running a fashion company is no where near as stressful as making a movie with Daddy dearest. I CALL BULLSHIT!

But let's not forget the way the writers thought that stealing that damn bathtub scene from Naley and recycling it, was endearing to watch. Sorry, but as soon as I saw Brooke being all lame and trying to help Julian relax, I knew this scene was ending Naley-style with Brooke in that tub sucking face with that freak!

Originality... hello? Where are you? Oh there you are, running for your life to another network because the CW and Mark Schwahn suck ass!

What else? More Alex bullshit. Loved how Paul told that slut where she could stick her "cheap" comment. Please bitch, the only cheap thing on this show is you. I am so bored with her being a prop to Julian. I am so bored with her making everything about her. I am so bored with her 'recovery' storyline. I'm so BORED with her. Why isn't she dead yet? Oh that's right, no one would even care. Except maybe Julian... but he'd cry and Brooke would tell him how wonderful he is and life would continue. I don't even care that she was 'selfless' is leaking her sex tape - bitch made it in the first place. If she wasn't acting like such a whore, none of that crap would have happened. So do I see her as anything other than a spoiled little brat. No. Sorry Mark - FAIL!

Quinn, Clay and Katie. How sad is it that out of these three, the one who isn't a regular is the only one I care about. Katie owns this storyline and she's the only thing I'm interested in, especially now that Clay has aged about ten years in the space of a few weeks. I seriously wanted her to use that smashed glass to send Quinn running for the hills in fear. I literally laughed and snorted when Quinn attempted to act tough. Please... we all knew she pissed her pants on the spot! I would gladly have Katie stay and Quinn leave, because she may actually inject the life back into Clay that Quinn obviously sucked out. This storyline is about as interesting as watching paint dry.

But it's not as boring as Grubbs and that chick I don't care enough about the remember her name. Get married then fuck off. End of story.

So there was another hour of my life I'll never get back. I often wonder why people are petitioning to have this show stick around when it has fallen so far from grace. This show has been swirling around in the shitter since the beginning of season four and I seriously just want someone to take it out the back, shoot it and put it out of its misery. The end is in sight though... fingers crossed it stays that way!

Later peeps,

Chrissy & Toddian.

Hiatus... Obviously Wasn't Long Enough For This Show To Get A Clue!!!

Backstabbing best friend? Check! Oh fuck, is Seyton SwaySlut ScotTramp back to gang rape our poor eyes?

Assassination of Brooke Davis' character? Check!

Douches getting away with being assholes? Check!

Boring side characters getting more attention than we even care about? Check!

Crazy stalkers? Check- checkity, check check!!!

Well, looks like another epsiode of One Tree Hill to me.

Seriously, could this show get any fucking worse? She says as the whole world explodes1

Right from the very first scene, I knew my puke bucket was in order and some seriously strong alcohol was a must! Let's start with Brooke and Julian, seeing as this pathetic excuse for a romance was the first piece of garbage thrust into my face.

FUCKING GAG ME NOW!

What was with all the "boyfriend" name-calling?

Newsflash fashionista - that pet name died out season 3 when it didn't deserve to be used anymore, and although hand-me-down names and recycled scenes are Mark's thing, this was a major fucking screw up.

Did anyone else fire bullets at their screen when Brooke fawned over Julian like she was trying to make something up to him? Breakfast in bed? Are you fucking kidding me? Telling him how great his movie was going to be and how talented he was... again? Saying sorry - AGAIN?

I'm sorry, but Sophia Bush needs to accept that damn offer to join that sitcom on ABC because the assassination of Brooke Davis is now complete... I mean, damn Mark (To hell you dickless fucker)... I know you miss crazy Seyton and all, but turning a once fiesty, independent firecracker into this Julian-serving, ass-kissing doormat is just NOT Brooke Davis, and NOT good television.

UGH.

And don't even get me started on Brooke being the one to talk Julian into helping Alex... I don't want a fucking Saint Brooke after all the crap that big-headed bastard put Brooke through. FYI - Man with the biggest forehead in television history - WHERE IS THAT DAMN APOLOGY FOR BEING A BIG DOUCHE?

Oh that's right, it's floating somewhere down De-Nile with Mark's talent! It's time he dropped Alex like the dead weight she is. Seriously, if that hooker couldn't tell she was shagging a gay dude with all the men she's slept with, then she isn't worth the one million dollars people are extorting them for.

NEXT! Moving on to Clay and Quinn - fuck me!

I'll be the first to admit, I was so excited to see Robert Buckley in the role of Clay when it was first announced... my, my, my.. what a disappointment he turned out to be! Not only was his character boring as bat shit tonight, but his look never changed the entire show - deer in the headlights, anyone? And what is he trying to achieve by being male-anorexia's poster child?

I know Quinn is sucking the life out of him with her constant whining and pity-me status... but for fuck's sake, he looks like she has literally swallowed him.. where has he gone? Hello Clay... your bones would like their meat back, pronto! He looks fucking terrible! And then I had to endure Quinn maiking everything about her tonight and throwing in some "Mom" references so she could "bond" with Haley at ehr photography stuio that Mommy bought her?

SISTERLY bonding over that lame photo too? Quinn being deep and meaningful and full of talent... pffft... didn't buy it then and never will - not even if you sell it cheap in a 99 cent store. You fucking suck Quinn and your storyline with Clay and lame attempt at sympathy grabbing when you've had everything handed to you on a silver platter, failed to score you any points either. Pack up shop and fuck off back to the rock you crawled out from. Now, the Katie thing - seriously, another stalker? Excuse me while I yawn. Derek.

Carrie. Katie.... zzzzzzzzzz. She is HOT though! LOL

Why Mark had to ruin that brilliant chemistry between Clay and Sara by turning the actress into a nut-job is beyond me. I can only hope he redeems himself by having Katie kill Quinn and make the world a happier place. I doubt that would happen though, because these days One Tree Hill isn't about entertainment, it's about....

*insert reason for this bullshit here, cos I got nothing!*

What's next on this rollercoaster of crap?

oh right... Mouth! Mouth and rollecoaster in the same sentence. Don't you mean circus? Monkey face asshole!

Well, of all the sneaky, under-handed, backstabbing things to do... he goes and chucks a Seyton and decides to snake his best friend's girl! One would think that Mouth would see the impossibility of being with Lauren now his BEST friend is back, and simply have his back and stay the fuck away.. but no, once again Marky Mark was missing Seyton so damn much that he decided to add "best friend betrayal" to tonight's episode.

Sure, they tried to make it look like that little rodent as taking the high road when it came to the situation "I'll tell him cos he's my best friend." Interesting that you forgot that when you were sticking your tongue down Lauren's throat. Speaking of blonde sluts, Lauren is ridiculous - giving up on love and Skills for Mouth?

MOUTH - the most unattractive cockroach on the show! AMEN SISTER!

Skillz came home for you, you dumb bitch - gave up his life and what do you do? Oh right, repay him by running off with his best friend! If him giving up his life to be with you isn't love, then you deserve the scum-sucking rodent that seems to have not learned a thing about cheating on your friends from the whole farce that was Pucas. And then I have to see Skills drowning his sorrows at the bar with that loser guy who no one cares about and actually blaming himself? Oh fuck me - here comes the Brooke Davis train of ridiculous logic from season 4, where apparently friend's cheating on you is your fault!

FUCK YOU MARK SCHWAHN AND YOUR INANE LOGIC!

Jamie and Nathan. Boring. Seriously, father/son bonding is not something I give a shit about. Yeah, Nathan's a good dad. Yeah, he's a good husband. Yeah, he plays more home games than any basketball player I've ever seen. This is bullshit and I don't give a shit about it. Next!Grubbs and whats-her-name. Oh no, I have to leave the country cos I'm beinng deported... ever heard of checking your VISA you moron?

Oh no, that's right, you wouldn't have that kind of logic since you're only running a record label, and hey, if Seyton can do it, it must be as easy as playing with play dough. Grubbs proposed... and I skipped forward. Bottom line - I don't give a fuck about these stupid sideline characters. They're boring and useless and not worth the money they're being paid to make a shitty show even shittier!Finally, there was a Baley moment and Brooke told Haley about not being able to have kids - after Haley takes a random prego test that meant squat to the storyline.

Touching, but it took too damn long and it makes you wonder if these girlies are even BFFs at all?

Oh that's right, there's no time for Baley because Haley is too busy trying to prop Quinn, and Brooke is too busy trying to attach her lips to Julian's ass. Baley who, right Mark? Fucker.And then Haley having a mental breakdown over her Mom. She was weird all night, trying to put on a brave face, and then she falls apart in tears beside the pool when everyone else is in bed.

Suffer in silence type? Since fucking when? This storyline has lame written all over it and I can only hope that Mark does Bethany some justice and utilize her amazing talent before they waste another perfectly good opportunity steering this show down Suck Lane!So you may be wondering if there was anything I actually liked in this waste of an hour. Well, there was one thing, but only one.

VICTORIA DAVIS getting busted. Her reaction to Skills punching Mouth and basically telling the entire population that Mouth was after his girl, was as funny as hell!

Not only was her man half her age and half naked... I don't think anyone can say the word "sandalous" quite like Queen V! Well done! And well done on actually saying what a jerk Mouth was for doing such a thing. Sneaky little rodent. He belongs in the sewer with the rest of the rats!

So... overall? Yeah, this show still sucks monkey balls, and if the populous get their way, we're heading for another season of crap. All I can say is, run Sophia run... and save yourself from the pile of steaming shite that One Tree Hill has turned into. In my mind, this show ended season 3 because it was all downhill from there and it will never be able to recover.Well, that's it for me. Just keep in mind, if we cross our fingers and wish really hard...

only 3 episodes to go!

Later peeps,

Chrissy & Toddian

Apparently Stalkers ARE a Schwahn Thing!

YET ANOTHER SCHWAHN-CREATED STALKER IS RUNNING RAMPANT!

Pucas devotion reached new levels of low this week as yet another member of the Incest Brigade was set loose upon our unsuspecting community, directly from the Schwahn Institute of Pucas Bum-sucking!

Here we were, enjoying the relative calm that comes with not having to digest a crapfest episode for the week, when none other than our crazy, obsessed stalker followed his/her/its heart and posted once more. I had to admit, I thought those Pukers were low already, but this thing must be having a wild time laying on it’s back and licking the crud of Schwahn’s hairy gonads, because I highly doubt it could get much lower than the shit this moron managed to say.

I thought it was only Tree Hill fiction that had to endure Mark’s obvious hard-on for stalkers, but clearly his reach has captured the soul of this incredibly stupid human being (and I hesitate to use that term on such an animal) and thus subjected us to the continuous verbal diarrhea this limp-dick mother fucker spewed out.

Their responses were textbook Puker Retaliation Tactics:

If you can’t beat them – attack their physical appearance! Seriously you dumbass, you really have no valuable comeback that you have to resort to this kind of elementary school-yard taunts? Newsflash dumbshit – they’re not insulting in the slightest when they are stated by a loose-lipped moron who clearly doesn’t have the mental capacity to actually go head-to-head.

Hating on the Real Life Actress and not the character! For real, tearing down Sophia Bush is just idiocy. First of all, she is the greatest asset to the show and even her shit is more appealing than that googley-eyed, praying mantis whore known as Seyton! Secondly, whilst she’s up getting paid and living her life, you’re sitting behind a computer screen, probably eating your own snot, hating on her and looking like a fool. And for what? You’re not even a blip on her radar my friend, so stick that oiled-up hand of yours back on your junk and tug a little harder… it might help take the sting of being a nobody away.

Tear down the competition without addressing your team! Yep, that’s right, attack Sophia and Brucas lovers all you want, Tear down the Brucas ship and the Brooke character and use your hate for them to prove just how great Pucas are… oh wait, Pukers NEVER mention their ship because really, let’s face it, there is not one redeeming quality about that couple AT ALL! In order for a couple to be epic they need to have chemistry, interesting conversation, independence and true love – all of which Pucas do NOT possess. Watching them is about as interesting as watching fucking paint dry.

The only thing EPIC about Pucas is their epic FAIL at being a decent ship.

Finally, and here’s the part that makes our incessant stalker probably the most pathetic goon on the planet – the use of derogatory terms like “homo” to make some kind of point? I’m sorry, but apart from demonstrating the immense lack of human decency you seem to possess, you have demonstrated that you clearly have no riveting comeback, no valid reasoning, and no interesting points or arguments in which to refute what we say. Nothing you say is of any substance, nothing you blurt out carries any meaning what-so-ever and nothing about you is even remotely interesting.

You are, quite simply, a fucking idiot. Momma must be so proud!

So here’s what I think… and this is the fun part. There’s this magical thing called a “delete” button on here, and I think Jennifer had it right when she said the best thing to do would be to delete your ass – because, in reality, the trash ALWAYS gets thrown out, and you, our dear stalker, are nothing but TRASH!

So, that’s it for me this week… here’s to enjoying another Monday night free from the continued bore known as One Tree Hill, and to getting ourselves prepared for the final four installments of this festering pile of shit parading as a drama television series. I’ve already got my Quinn gag-bucket ready and waiting.

Later peeps,

Chrissy :)

They Must be a Puker

1st let me just congratulate Chrissy, Jennifer, Angela and My kitten for verbally bitch slapping the stupid out of that McCrazy Dumb-shit replier. Hahaha… Cause this shit was fucking hilarious. I thought I was the master of insults but damn it if you guys didn’t open up the severest can of whoop ass wordplay I have ever seen. Muhahahaha!

I can just see that blog stalker sitting at the computer with some lotion and a gun- not sure whether to jerk off because you fucking awesome people are talking to IT or its ready’s to blow its self away because everyone is laughing their ass off at the fool.

Seriously, how the fuck is this anonymous stalker getting their rocks off by being told how much dick they can suck at even given moment? Ha-ha! Reminds me of how in season 5 Lucas was giving Seyton the uber slut all his ass to kiss and that bitch was coughing up hairballs from all the ass-hairs she sucked from his anus. LOL, that so fucking gross yet this anonymous person keeps licking our asses.

Ha-ha, sick fucker.

Therefore, I have come to a conclusion:

They are probably a disgruntled PUKER!

Puker (from the Toddian dictionary) – Crazy Peyton Sawhorse & LukAss Scott fans.

I don’t know about you guys but I have never met one with a brain. Haha, come one, seriously MOST they are deranged and doormats- that’s the exact description of Seyton and half her fanbase.

For example, our crazy stalker whined, nagged, threw a bitch fit about this blog which apparently she doesn’t like *can you since my sarcasm and eye roll?* yet it seems this bitch stays on this blog more than any of us do. Ha-ha!

I hate to break it to ya but having a deranged obsession with this blog, me, and the wonderful repliers on this blog makes you OUR FAN! Ha-ha, that’s right fool, you are our little bitch! Go fetch me so water – ha-ha! I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist it. :D

And deranged as that anonymous person is, you gotta admit it has passion to keep coming back day after day just to talk to all of us.

Deranged Pucas Stalker Fan FTW!

Need further proof?

Pukers tend to speak in an alien language know as DUMBASS-NESS! Or its street drug name called: SunPiss from the Schwahnkist!

Ha-ha, how much is everyone willing to bet this lunatic comes back and claims to be a Naley Fan?

This is the definition of a Puk-Tender.

Quote from past Blog post - BLers Be Ware of Pukers out There :

Puk-Tenders aka The Crazy Bitches in Sheep Clothing-

They pretend to be biased and just Naley friends, but you catch them posting in the I Love the Anorexic Whore aka Peyton Lovers Thread! Yes, Yes, these are the Puk-Tenders!These guys lurk, like they are probably reading this right now and waiting to post! Yes, you! You are a Puk-Tender, pretending to like Brooke as long as she cheerleads PUCAS! UH-HUH! You go to BL Love sites and anonymously bash or act like you care then say something rude and stupid! There is another name for Puk-Tenders! These people are called COWARDS! Hiding behind Naley Love and Brooke Support!

You Disgust the shit out of me, and I’m a Jerk-Wag!

Ha-ha, yes they are idiotic douches, but I love them all tha same. They make this blog popular which is FUCKING AWESOME!

Figure I should stand on my soap box now and say:

“Anonymous coward who won’t even leave a name, bigotry is not the answer. What sort of insult is calling someone a homo? Are you going to round up some Jewish people and tease them about Hitler? Maybe call African Americans and other Blacks the N Word? Gees, gonna dangle food in front of Homeless people?

Damn, ha-ha, you are just pathetic.

I mean really, where did you get your joshing lessons: The back of a Count Chocula cereal box?

Been taking Yo Mama lessons from Barney and Baby Bop?

Shit, been trading lines with the Cat in the Mother fucking Hat?

Can I expect Blues Clues to jump out and teach me how to spell the word GAY?

Hahaha, Gees, I’m embarrassed that that was the best you could do?

You need some lessons in insults asap!

Not that it matters to me but bigotry is not okay! Just because you’re pissing your panties over this blog doesn’t mean you need to get all diseased brain psychotic on us. It makes me sad for you…LOL!”

*steps off soapbox*

So, you know it’s a Puker when…

It says, “I’m going to keep coming back after the break to laugh at you guys, etc.”
LOL, well duh dumb shit this is a hilarious blog and not only that but you don’t have to give us an excuse/ reason to stalk us.

Hello, that’s what stalkers do and I for one will not ask you to change from who you are – which if your small brain still doesn’t understand – this means you are a STALKER! Hahaha!

Do we ask the wind why it blows? No.

Ask the toilet why it flushes? No.

Ask the Schwahn why he can’t write his way out of an open door? Sometimes, but for the sake of this conversation I’m going to say no. ha-ha

So everyone lets play a game.

Let’s play the, “YOU KNOW IT’S A PUKER WHEN” GAME…

Use this phrase and write a hilarious moment when a crazy Puker lost IT’s marbles on you.

Much love Homies… LOL

-Toddian

Ps...

I know exactly who that poster is... don't let them fool you. They claim to be a Haley fan but defend Pucas like they are real people usually under different screen names. LOL, Its a chick from the CW site who wants to make sweet sweet love to the toddster but I have a "me no fucky Ugly Broads policy" so her panties are all in a twist.

If you are not her stalker, well, um... sorry to have compared you to that thing. She puts the man in Managed to scare the living shit out of all human beings on sight. Hahaha!

Oh and if you guys ever wanna just talk to me, you an find me at either:

www.dabanned.proboards.com

or

on msn as Toddian (I think I'm the only one there)... email me at toddian@live.com

Sophia Bush Say WHAT? Muhahaha!

So apparently Pucaser also know as Pukers, better known as dick sucking Mark scwhan SunPiss drinking Toolbags are all in a tizzy cause Sophia Bush said BL were puppy Love...

Okay... well thats her opinion. Good for her, further proving that BL ended because of personal matters and not because PUCAS were fated to spit Vile Incest Cum all over our television sets. Haha... big whoop! I mean, someone even said they are glad the actress sees that Bl meant nothing... cause well you know:

Her opinion will save many orphans, will change the space time continum, will make Mark Schwahn stop dreaming of dangling his hairy man sacks all over that chick who plays Peyton's huge eyed head... :O Haha, LOL...

My point is, who gives a fuck what Sophia Bush says? She's an actress, the only reason I watch this suck ass show but that doesn't mean her opinion means shit. Am I to believe that if she says that bathing in Sunkist will make you a good writer when we all have seen proof (ie Mark Schwahn) that its not true? Haha, LOL... stupid Pukers.

Then again these are the same people who though that they were SEYTON SawSLUT in real life. AKA *CRAZY FUCKING FOOLS*

So... my words of advice are that Sophia Bush is an actress and it is her job to pimp whatever will make her some money, whatever is in her best interest. And since allowing Julian the Forehead Monger will get her a paycheck and keep her away from that creepy ex-husband of hers, I'd say its just GOOD business...


Oh my god, it's PUCAS!!!

Oh no wait, it's just Mark's lack of creativity and his ever-missing gonads!

So... what could have potentially been an amazing episode turned into a fucking fizzer yet again. I am now more than convinced that these lame writers were picked from the cereal aisle of the local market because they don't know dick about drama, realism or chemistry.

What they do know about, however, is killing off the wrong characters, turning the great ones into emerging psychos, making the strongest chick turn into a fucking marshmallow and redeeming fuckstick characters in such a way that redemption was never acquired and televison sets were destroyed globally due to viewer rage.

Where to start?

Probably with the good stuff because it won't take long. Lindsey McKeon killed it. Hands down the BEST acting this show has seen in a long time and Taylor was by far my favorite. I cannot believe that they went for the retarded option of choosing Shantel or whatever the fuck that twat wants to call herself, and shove this disgustingly poor-acting bitch in our faces through the inane character of Quinn, when we could have gone through a redemption storyline with Taylor and an actress who actually knows what she is doing.

Lame Mark, real lame.You writers are fucking retarded. There is no other words for you!

R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D!!! Hmm, well I think even that word is giving Dork Schwahn and his Merry Gang of Hack Ball licking writers, too much credit.

Not that Taylor needed much redemption in my opinion - Haley never hated her this much before, but throw holier-than-though Queen McBeak into the mix and suddenly Taylor is the worst thing to ever hit the James family. Newsflash you dumb fucks, Taylor rocks and Quinn sucks manly, festering balls. Mark, get your shaft out of that bitch's mouth and realize she can't act for crap and stop this torture before it goes any further.

Now, the reasons why this show is currently spinning around in the shitter en-route to the sewage plant.Haley - I'm sorry hun, but you bored me to tears. That whole Mom/soup whatever... totally stupid. I may be a cold and heartless bitch for saying this, but I just couldn't buy into you tonight and I think the death scene for Lydia was sweet... but a bit Notebook for me when she saw her dead husband right before taking her last breath?

Come on now...

that was just shit and i kinda laughed a little.

Maybe it was just haley's scenes with Quinn that made me feel indifferent. or the Naley that was just hugging and sobbing.. whatever, I was bored. Quinn though and her self-righteous rant on Taylor was fucked up. "Collossal Selfish Bitch".

Right, Quinn calls Taylor that, yet you don't see Taylor leaving her husband and being that collossally selfish... interesting... But really, Haley was okay... I just felt that they could have had her drama last a little longer. I mean, even the Nathan scandal at the beginning of the season lasted longer than this storyline. What the fuck is with that shit? Suddenly Bethany has a chance to act and they make her cram it all into like a few episodes.

And where the fuck is the Baley love? Somewhere in the land of "DONT SUCK" which the Schwahn has been Banished from since season 3 ended.

Not even an acknowledgement at the funeral?

No hospital visits?

Nothing?

FUCK OFF MARK if you think we're going to buy into that crap.

Baley is the best friendship on the show and once again, you can't find a way to enhance that which is good about the show. You all must be shit sniffers professionally because you seem to love the smell this show is putting off!

Nathan. Serving no purpose yet again. Wait? Who the hell is Nathan? Haha, just kidding... thats the corpse that stands around like a coat hanger, correct? I was kinda touched with last week with his whole "being a great dad and husband" routine, but that lasted all of five minutes.

Put a ball in his hands and send him off to camp or whatever cos I'm tired already. And that fucking ferret son of theirs just holds zero interest for me. Get the fuck off my screen before I shoot you. NEXT!

Clay/Katie - could be interesting, but in true Mark "I Ate My Dick For Lunch And Now I Don't Know What I'm Doing" form, once there is competition for the couple he "envisions" as end game, time to annihiliate the opposing side (Brooke character assassination season 4, anyone?)

Well done jerk off, you've managed to scrape the crusty remains of that series of shit and spread a great pile of it over the Katie character. Really Mark, all those monkey writers sucking on your nads and all you can come up with is the repeated storyline of a crazy person?

Derek and Carrie not good enough for you? Face it shithead, chemistry is chemistry, and you might understand that if you ever got off your dorky butt in high school and tried to take your dick for a spin instead of whining over that punk-wannabe blonde cheerleader who clearly had no idea who you were.

That also goes for viewers being able to see that a duck-face Quinn gremlin holds no romantic spark for this Clay Evans dude, no matter how many "I Love You's" you try to throw in each episode, nor the amount of time you spend trying to get him to kiss her. And yes, I said TRYING. Chick's lips must be covered with chilli or ice cos he can't seem to attach them properly... I'm just saying. When they make out it's like two worms trying to mate. Disturbing at the highest level. Fucking yuck!

What else?

Oh, Mouth. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

In what alternate universe would Mouth... MOUTH... ever get the girls he seems to grab on this show. Dude looks like a fucking walrus on crack and yet these girls seem to find some interest in him? I call BULLSHIT! Big, stinking, ate-too-much-nachos-for-lunch BULLSHIT!

What kind of a dude snakes his BEST FRIEND's girl when he is staying in HIS house and he's away on business. Mouth, you need to be stabbed in your sleep or something because the lectures you gave to Millie mean jack shit now, you insufferable turd! And to have Lauren go from being smart and NOT going out with him, to randomly taking a chance at the end and macking out with him - FUCKING GROSS!


And now Skills is back (jail time clearly over I assume???) and looking fine as always... and they just stand there like dumb fucking deers in the headlights. Karma is a bitch Marky mark and you are so gonna find out one day that friendship ebtrayal in order to get some actually hurts, and anyone with HALF a brain doesn't buy into it.Pucasers clearly have less than half a brain, in case you were all wondering. Tools.

Alex - aren't you a pool of self-loathing? Well she does have to wake up everyday and realized she will forever be tied to this suckass show forever.

Ha-di-fucking-ha-ha you stupid wench! Punched in the face by Brooke, sleeping with Alexander only to have him turn you down for Victoria Davis (yep, our young aussie designer fell for and tapped that VD - anyone else disturbed by her initials???), winding up getting filmed screwing the lead in the film... and you get turned down by guys who prefer a little Davis action. Oh well, sucks to be you.

My advice? CUT DEEPER! Not gonna lie, read this and thought it said deep throat.

Finally, Brooke. Oh no wait, she wasn't in this episode because the Brooke I know and love would NEVER apologize to Julian for all the shit he put her through. Nor would she ever say that her and Alex were "Okay" and apologize to her either!

BITCH TRIED TO STEAL YOUR MAN!

Oh my god Mark, you are such a fucking dick! Of course Brooke thought Julian slept with Alex, and his whole "So you still don't trust me" was suddenly made okay because SHE took all the blame in this? She chases him, she apologizes to Alex, she gets kicked off the set.... and she is the one saying sorry? Julian, word to the wise - PUT YOUR WOMAN FIRST!

No self-respecting chick would ever be second to any other chick... I guess Austin's licking of Mark's ass crack really got him places. More like they have been recreating the love scene from Brokeback Mountain and Marks been taking too many hit up his ass - where coincidentally his brains are located. Who knew?

Yeah Julian, go kiss Brooke and have make up sex without having to apologize at all, you fucking piece of crap. And who else thinks this "magical" (sorry, just choked on the thought of Boolian being anything other than a festering pile of shit) reunion moment is going to eventuate in that predictable miracle baby for Brooke.

NOOOOOOOOO! How about Brooke just get Cancer and die... I'd rather that happen than watch my girl secret anything that is gonna be bred of douche bag pond cum from The Julie-monster! That Pussy ass bitch!

FUCK OFF!

Julian is more believable bending over and taking it up the arse from Mark than actually being the right guy for Brooke Fucking Davis!

Remember her, Mark? The girl everyone liked better than Peyton... no matter how much shit you threw her way or how bad you tried to make her look? Now, you turn her into Seyton and people are losing faith - so what does that tell you? Mark Schwahn is a serious douche.

So, where do we go from here?Well, since we're heading down Boring Shit Highway, I'd say the chances of these last four episodes being entertaining are pretty slim.

I predict a Boolian spawn. Ugh, Now how can Julian impregnant Brooke when His Dick is currently shoved to far up his own ass (to spill his seed) Muhahaha!

Naley nothing-ness, Quinn/Clay forced relationship and one crazy stalker who may prove to be the best additon to the show yet. Even crazy, Katie/Sara's chemistry with Clay pissed all over Quinn's chemistry with him. Not too hard seeing as Katie/Sarah has a pulse.

And some lame Mouth/Skills issue with Lauren that will affect Millie - even though we all know that on his worst day Skills would be the more desirabe of the two. This show is a fucking joke!That's it for me this week though... I'm so pissed off at what this show has become that I'm not gonna sign any lame season 8 petitions. This show isn't even a shell of its former self, so why would I endorse its return?

THE CW AND MARK CAN KISS MY ASS!

Anyway, rant, review... have your say!

Later peeps,

Chrissy & Toddian

Much Love Homies