Or three seasons of drama and four seasons of bullshit!
As I sat there and forced myself to watch the shit that played out in front of me, I often wondered how it was even possible that Mark Schwahn still has a job? Creatively, the douche ran out of ideas at the end of the third season. Since then, nothing has been new, old scenes have been re-used by other characters and apparently, although the shows viewers have grown older and clearly wiser to this shows bullshit, the writers are still stuck back in High School where they think watching the same storylines over and over again is somehow appealing.
Think again dickheads!
Season 7 promised me one amazing fact, and it was this fact that made me watch this season in the first place:
THE PROMISE OF NO PEYTON SAWYER!
Yet everywhere I turn, that backstabbing, two-faced, crying emo-slut is front and center, and why? Because Mark Schwahn cannot let the bitch go. I swear, this guy cannot function unless he has some traits of the she-devil present in this lame-ass show... just look at this crap:
1. Seyton's Cheating with Best friend Award goes to Mouth. Sorry Skillz, apparently this asshole didn't learn a thing from Peyton's days of being a dumb whore.
2. Seyton's Crying at Everything and Being a Complete Sap Award goes to Quinn. Seriously, does this bitch even know what a facial expression is? I hope Katie whoops her ass! That would be the highlight of my season!
3. Seyton's Act Like a Doormat for Your Lame Boyfriend Award goes to Brooke. I'm disappointed in what they have done to our fair Brooklyn. Brooke Davis is a strong, fiery and independent woman. Bring Julian Baker into the picture and suddenly she's like Seyton and acting like she has no pride. The dude was a complete dick to you and you're acting like he's god fucking gift? Please... the forehead alone is enough to make me run. Brooke needs an exorcism to get Seyton out of her system and pronto, cos this new Brooke sucks ass!
4. Seyton's Take Your Dead Mommy Issues Out On Everyone Else Award goes to Haley. Come the fuck on, this is pure bullshit at its stinking worst. Haley is known for being the strongest character on the show, sometimes to the point of being morally overbearing. Yet some Mark Schwahn-bitch expects us to believe that she's losing the plot over a mother she knew was dying... yet show no emotion for the father who apparently croaked it sometime in the hiatus? Fuck off, what a croc of shit!
5. Seyton's Lifetime Achievement of Douche-baggery Award goes to Mark Schwahn for thinking this fucking crapfest is good television!
Not even a delicious chocolate milkshake courtesy of Donut King could save me from the slow and painful viewing of this week's episode. It couldn't even numb the pain. So where to begin?
Apart from having my gag reflexes tested with every Seyton-ish act from characters who apparently don't exist anymore, nothing about this episode was even remotely memorable. So I guess we better just start from the beginning and slowly descend into hell, shall we?
Let's begin with the attempt-at-something-emotional scenes involving Haley. Now usually I would be all for Bethany getting to stretch her legs and deliver some great scenes, because we all know this fine lady can act. Unfortunately, watching her fall into a zombie-like status where she sets a piano on fire and effectively endangers the lives of her husband and kid, are NOT the kind of scenes I wanna see Haley involved in. What the fuck has happened to this show? Haley is probably the most stable and dependable characters in this entire show, so this bullshit storyline of her losing it has come too little, too late for me to be buying into it. Haley would NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER fucking do that to Nathan and Jamie and I was so pissed off that they're turning her into a crazy nutcase. What, Carrie, Derek, Katie and Seyton weren't enough? This storyline is fucked and completely unbelievable, especially after Haley dealt with Nathan's depression before... this is the best they can come up with for this couple? I feel sorry for Bethany actually, because seasons of dealing with limited story lines only to be given a shit attempt at emotional-depth, is beyond a joke. Run away as fast as you can Bethany, and find a job where the writers actually KNOW what talent is!
Moving onto the lame love-triangle attempt. I'm just gonna say it - Mouth is a fucking asshole. Did he not learn anything from the Pucas bullshit? The whole "We didn't plan it" seems to be a legit excuse for everything in the spaztastic world of Mark Schwahn... which makes me believe the guy has seriously NEVER dated or actually known true friendship and loyalty in his pathetic excuse for a life. But this whole storyline and the people involved, are stupid. How about Lauren-Whorebag's excuse for why she did it...
You stopped calling = I'm gonna act like a total slut and move on to your best friend.
These chicks are pathetic, and their principles are non-existent. Why does Lauren even have a choice? She is not all that and quite frankly, anyone can do better! Kick her dumb ass to the curb and enjoy life with a chick who knows how to treat her man. I fucking hate Lauren and her damn high horse. I actually relished the fact that Mouth turned her down in the end - serves her right for making a dumb choice like a rodent over Skillz.
Don't even get me started on Millie being all Team Mouth and taking the high road. UGH. Brooke version 2.0 is annoying as hell. Won't any chicks stand up for themselves anymore on this lame-ass show? Grr.
Can I just say though - best part of the whole thing - was Junk slamming the door in Lauren's face before letting Skillz know she was there. No words, no acknowledgement, just a door slam to the face. Hell fucking yeah! Now THAT is a true friend! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, bitch!
The worst part about it? Besides the lame advice dispersed to Skillz by Jamie of all people (like that little ferret would have any idea what he's talking about???), the most sickening thing would have to be the conversation between Mouth and Brooke. Of course this lame scene was just a ploy to get these characters to drop the devil's name in conversation - TWICE.
Newsflash Mark - no one fucking cares about Peyton SawyerBoyfriend-So-I'm-Gonna-Steal-Him!
And can I also just say, that when comparing the two situations (the BLP vs the MSL love triangles), it was fucking typical that Mouth brought up the prom episode with Peyton being all punch-happy (looking like a man, I might add) because, once again, they are trying to pass off Brooke as the one at fault in that tangled mess. Yet they mentioned nothing about what a slut Peyton was in stealing Brooke's boyfriend twice, which would have made more sense seeing as though Mouth is being a total whore the same way Seyton was. What a pile of crap!
And to add insult to the injury of having to hear that whore's name... Brooke gets all gushy-gross over the fact that if it wasn't for Peyton she wouldn't have Julian, so she was glad they made up in the long run, and encouraged Mouth to fix things with Skillz for this reason?
HELL FUCKING NO BITCH!
Nice try Markhole, but if it wasn't for Seyton the man-faced, backstabbing whore, we would still have Brucas, the best couple on the damn show. Brooke may have thanked Seyton for allowing her to meet Julian in some lame attempt to actually pimp the failing couple that is Brooke and Julian - but reminding me of the fact that it was that emo-slut's fault that I am now enduring this god-awful relationship just gave me another reason to hate that hoe.
She's GONE Mark, move on you fucking pussy.
Onto Boolian. The most boring couple of century are still yet to have Julian acknowledge any fault he played in the demise of their relationship to begin with. What are we left with then? Oh that's right, apparently good television is watching Brooke act like a total doormat and waiting hand and foot on her lame 'overworked' boyfriend. Right, cos apparently running a fashion company is no where near as stressful as making a movie with Daddy dearest. I CALL BULLSHIT!
But let's not forget the way the writers thought that stealing that damn bathtub scene from Naley and recycling it, was endearing to watch. Sorry, but as soon as I saw Brooke being all lame and trying to help Julian relax, I knew this scene was ending Naley-style with Brooke in that tub sucking face with that freak!
Originality... hello? Where are you? Oh there you are, running for your life to another network because the CW and Mark Schwahn suck ass!
What else? More Alex bullshit. Loved how Paul told that slut where she could stick her "cheap" comment. Please bitch, the only cheap thing on this show is you. I am so bored with her being a prop to Julian. I am so bored with her making everything about her. I am so bored with her 'recovery' storyline. I'm so BORED with her. Why isn't she dead yet? Oh that's right, no one would even care. Except maybe Julian... but he'd cry and Brooke would tell him how wonderful he is and life would continue. I don't even care that she was 'selfless' is leaking her sex tape - bitch made it in the first place. If she wasn't acting like such a whore, none of that crap would have happened. So do I see her as anything other than a spoiled little brat. No. Sorry Mark - FAIL!
Quinn, Clay and Katie. How sad is it that out of these three, the one who isn't a regular is the only one I care about. Katie owns this storyline and she's the only thing I'm interested in, especially now that Clay has aged about ten years in the space of a few weeks. I seriously wanted her to use that smashed glass to send Quinn running for the hills in fear. I literally laughed and snorted when Quinn attempted to act tough. Please... we all knew she pissed her pants on the spot! I would gladly have Katie stay and Quinn leave, because she may actually inject the life back into Clay that Quinn obviously sucked out. This storyline is about as interesting as watching paint dry.
But it's not as boring as Grubbs and that chick I don't care enough about the remember her name. Get married then fuck off. End of story.
So there was another hour of my life I'll never get back. I often wonder why people are petitioning to have this show stick around when it has fallen so far from grace. This show has been swirling around in the shitter since the beginning of season four and I seriously just want someone to take it out the back, shoot it and put it out of its misery. The end is in sight though... fingers crossed it stays that way!
Later peeps,
Chrissy & Toddian.
5 comments:
Hey guys,
Honestly, I don't even know why I bother posting my review about new OTH episodes because you both literally say everything I'm thinking in a way that even I can't express. There wasn't a single thing that you wrote in this weeks review that I didn't agree with......as usual, you were right on the money and took the words right out of my mouth.....well I should say head. So this may be short seeing as how you pretty much expressed what I wanted to say as well and you did it perfectly.
I just have to say how much I definitely agree on the fact that I too, can't help but wonder exactly how Mark Schwahn still has a job? Seriously, the douche bag did indeed run out of ideas at the end of the third season and everything since then has been nothing but ridiculous recycled story lines which have literally become painful to watch.
And I also agree that I had been too, looking forward to a season 7 especially seeing as how it meant no PeytWhore and no Pucas. But like a fucking idiot, Mark Schwahn still can't seem to let the bitch go. When he's not having one of the current characters on the show mentioning the bitch's name, he finds some way to bring up her pathetic ass behavior in some laughable storyline that makes me want to just punch Mark in the face.
And I seriously don't get the Haley storyline either. Haley has always been strong and while I completely understand that losing a parent can be a devastating experience, I don't understand that despite everything else Haley has gone through, she chooses now to turn into a zombie. Especially seeing as how we got no emotions, thoughts, reactions, or even words regarding the supposed death of her father. I know Haley loved both of her parents the same so I don't understand why we only got a 2 second mention of her father but then Mark has Haley completely lose her sanity with the passing of her mother. Seriously Mark, do you really expect us to believe this shit?
And this whole Mouth, Skillz, and Lauren storyline is whatever and a waste of air time. Period.
There was only one couple on this stupid show that I cared about and that's Brucas who Mark decided to shove under a bus after giving every Brucas fan in the world hope that one day, Brucas would end up together for good and live happily ever after. And although Mark likes to pretend Brucas never happened, he can kiss my ass because seasons 2 and 3 PROVE that Brucas was more than just a fling. No boy would ever chase and pine over a girl for nearly two seasons and declare his love for her if he wasn't head over heels in love with her. Marks a retard who can't see past his precious Pucas and he always will be.
And to make matters worse, I'm getting so fucking sick of Mark shoving these no good newbies like Alex and Quinn down our throats. Last I checked, Nathan, Brooke, and Haley are the original MAIN characters, yet they're always used as props to support the billion newbies on this show. I can't comprehend why people actually want a season 8 when season 7 has been all about the newbies and has barely given the original 3 characters any exciting material to work with.
Alex is boring and irritating as hell and Quinn is even worse. I couldn't help but laugh either when she tried to put up a tough act in front of Katie. The actress who plays Katie is doing a really good job and every time I see her, it makes me so pissed that she wasn't chosen to play the part of Quinn instead. Katie is one of the very few good things left on this stupid show and hopefully, she'll stick around.
As for Grubbs and Miranda----YAWNNNNNNNN.
2 more episodes to go and lets hope that this show won't make it past the next 2 episodes and ends for GOOD.
oh wow! this is too amazing. u guys took the words outta my mouth..added a few..or quite a few profanities and just chucked it onto this blog. hell to the yes =]
As always you two can say everything that everyone else is thinking in ways that no one else can vocalise.
We can only hope that these two remaining episodes are the last and then our Sophia can run as fast as she can to the new show...
(In other news...did either of you hear the secret that Whats-her-face has been keeping? I shuddered when I heard)
xXx
I know this really randamn, but i found why Hilarie Burton didn't stay with OTH. The bitch got pregnant by Jeffrey Dean Morgan (aka Denny of GA) and there are rumors that she cheated on her husband with his best friend (her husband who's an assistent director for OTH). I guess playing the backstabbing bitch for so long that it became a reality for her. Look CMM, cheater?! BTW, the baby is boy and you can all the information you want on celebitchy.
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