How About Some Cheese With Your WHINE???

Whine: A long-drawn, high-pitched complaining cry or sound; to utter a whine; to complain or protest in a childish manner or about trivial things.

Yep. Sounds like One Crap Hill, doesn't it?

I felt like I should have set up camp with a box of crackers and cheese just to complete the setting for this week's One Tree Hill episode. That was of course, when I actually remembered it was on. And if I'm being completely honest, I DIDN'T actually remember, I was reminded by Todd when he asked about the blog. WHOOPS.

Guess it's a really telling sign that your show is in the crapper when it just plain gets forgotten completely.

Anywho, I forced myself to watch this lame-ass show for yet another week and here we are once again, blogging about how predictable and pathetic it has really become. And this episode was ALL about the whine. Seriously, is there one person on this show who didn't have a moment of self-pity, or sad "riveting" scenes where some sort of emotional epiphany was reached, or even trying to decide what comes next? Oh my god, who else wants to assassinate Julian for asking that question week in and week out? Uzi time, seriously.

Although, I would gladly take a gun to the temple of most of these characters simply because they are grinding on my last damn nerve. So let's get into it and discuss for yet another week, why this show sucks hairy gonads and can't seem to grasp the concept of entertainment.

Naley. Apparently good storylines for these two involve not being in any scenes together at all. Nathan traipsed down to Atlanta to sign some football guy who decided an ex-basketball player who gave a good speech one time was worthy of being his agent. Love how no one decided to tell the kid that Nathan's lack of experience in the field of even being a sport's agent was probably detrimental to his career and best interests.

Oh no wait, this is One Unbelievable Hill - it would only fall apart if Brooke decided to be an agent!

Anywho, Superhero Nathan rode in on his lame horse, saved the day, gave an inspirational speech or two and is apparently a natural at being an agent. BORING! Where did the whine come in? His bitching to Clay in the car about being stressed before taking off to Atlanta, and subsequently being a drip when he landed the deal and came back home to Clay In Tree Hill, made me give him a big fat tick as a whiner.

Haley. What happened to her? Well as predicted, she's been chasing after Erin who sings and has a deep connection to her music because apparently, like every other artist on this pretentious show, her music is her life. And Mia understands. Of course she does, she was Erin not so long ago, and if this new singer plays her cards right, she will get to be involved in lame storylines that the audience could care less about too in the not too distant future. So Haley understands all about Erin's plight, and they're gonna make a great team together, and *yawn* *drool* *snore*. Yeah, that pretty much sums up what I think of this Mia-esque repetitive storyline. Guess they're big on recycling in North Carolina. Anywho, having Haley talk about her great family and how happy she is wasn't her whine moment. It came in the form of the piano scene, where she talked about how she felt music had betrayed her because her Mom died. Oh my fucking god, GET OVER IT Mark. We dealt enough with Haley's supposed depression storyline (which was an pic FAIL in my opinion), and to use it as a way of making Haley seem soooo understanding is enough to make me wanna puke. Erin, make a damn decision then get the fuck off my screen. You annoy me. Also... Haley no where near the crisis center - wow... didn't see THAT one coming, did we?

Continuing the whining trend of the Scott family, Jamie and the braces. Yeah, honestly, who really gives a fuck? He's just like the millions of people out there who have them, and I guarantee you, 98% of us didn't have some lame gushy-moment ala Lucas/Haley where we showed our friends our metal mouth and they said "Cool." I am getting so damn tired of this supposed arty direction they are taking with the show, where they have everyone say the same damn thing. They end one scene with a character saying something, then begin the next scene with the new character saying the same thing. Now we're supposed to believe that Jamie just happens to have the same braces moment with a friend that Mommy and Uncle Lucas had in school? MUSHY CENTRAL! This is bullshit and more for Lifetime Movies than prime time drama. Give me a fucking break. So, Naley family whine moment 3 - Jamie and his train tracks.

Next up we have the newest Queen of the WHINE - Brooke Davis. I have to say her first and last name because apparently we don't know it and characters feel the need to say it in its entirety every fucking episode. So, what did Brooke Davis whine about? The question should be, what DOESN'T Brooke Davis whine about? First she's still crying over losing her company and "who she is" and her identity - love how Sophia enjoys making Brooke Davis so damn shallow these days. Yes Brooke Davis, we are defined solely by our jobs and success. It has nothing to do with the person we are inside or how we overcome defeat against seemingly insurmountable odds. No, you have no money and no clothing company anymore, so you are worth nothing as a human being. GREAT morals to be instilling into the youth of today who watch your show and look up to your character. Sophia Bush = MORON! Brooke Davis = WHINER! Also, while she was crying over losing everything she worked hard for (which she didn't have to do, I might add), she also whines about having a wedding she can afford (note to Brooke Davis - a buck doesn't buy much these days), and whining about Julian's mother. While the latter may be understandable at times, at least his mother is actually giving a fuck. How about we look at what we do have in life Miss Davis - friends who love her and a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with her (even though he sucks balls too), instead of focusing continually on how much your life sucks. Basically, just shut the fuck up. Please and thank you.

Oh, and if you could refrain from mentioning Peyton Sawyer again, I would really appreciate it. Bitch is gone, and in my mind, died a fiery death after Lucas locked her in the comet and sent it crashing over a cliff. Comets always crash, right?

Whoa, went off tangent there, back to the blog. Hmm, who is next in this whine-fest?

Julian. Well, he was surprisingly NOT as whiny as the rest. He stood up to his mom for the sake of Brooke, and even comforted his stupid fiance when she cried about her life that apparently sucks. However I still want to stab him for repeatedly asking the same question over and over.

What comes next? My foot up your ass, jerk off!

Clay. Without Quinn, I'm finding him more and more tolerable. And admittedly, he didn't whine all that much. The can scene was realistic to me and he didn't quit, so I liked that. He seems to be the odd one out here. And hey, electric can opener - yeah, you sort your shit out and keep moving forward! We all know when Succubus returns this great version of Clay will cease to exist. However, his whine moment came with the grave scene. Okay, so maybe it was nice of him to visit, however, how many times are we gonna see some melancholy scene with a character crying to a tombstone? It's boring, pathetic and quite frankly, I'm over it.

Quinn - was gone. Best part of the show.

Alex/Chase/Mia - How is it that Jana is the regular in the show, yet she has less airtime than dodgy Chase and doggy Mia. Mouth put it eloquently when he stated that Chase, who is a bar manager, has both an actress and rock star in love with him - and he's chucking a Dylan McKay from 90210 and has to decide between two women. Dylan fucked that up by choosing Kelly, and I have a feeling Chase is gonna do the same by picking that barking mad Mia and throwing us back into the relationship that was a total bore-snore the last time we endured it. So the WHINE moment here? Chase whining about having to pick out of these two girls when only one is actually tolerable. The fact that he can't decide at all is reason for him to end up alone anyway. If you're not someone's first choice straight up, you deserve better.

Mouth. Seriously, this dude is ugly. So MY whine moment came from seeing his face. After I recovered however, I endured Mouth having a cry about how he lost Millicent. Well, when you treat a girl like crap, she's gonna leave. You, my friend, are a bona fide dumb shit. So instead of whining over Millicent, go and do something about it. Also, quit whining about having to do jobs you don't like at WORK. Most people hate working, so hearing you complain about it when you're lucky your friend gave you a job in the first place, is just plain fucking annoying. Rodent.

And now we're pretty much at the end of the episode. Yet again, another riveting episode. Here's what we learnt this week:

1. Haley is pregnant. She's forgotten about Lucas and writing letters to him. She's also forgotten about the crisis center as Erin is now the focus of her life.

2. Jamie has braces.



3. Nathan and the word "retired" were featured in another sentence together and he's now a sports agent.



4. Mia is still in love with Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil of everyone's ass.



5. Julian's Mom is in town. She is no longer paying for the wedding.



6. Julian is asking the question "What Comes Next?" He also has no friends.



7. Alex is an actress. This fact was made known to us again this week.



8. Mouth is a freak. He's still crying over Millie like a bitch.



9. Brooke lost her company and is crying about it.



Yes. Moving forward in TV shows was SO last season according to these genius writers.



Rant and Rave People,



Toddian & Chrissy