Gimme Candy - A Sugar Coma Is Needed In Order To Survive This Crapfest Season!
So this rant is up later than usual. I apologize for this, but as you probably guessed, I delayed watching this show as long as I could. Honestly, the only reason I haven't quit altogether is because of this blog. And all of you. Your honesty kinda rocks and is missing from the CW Boards. I find it refreshing.
Plus I like to bitch about things without being censored. Go Blogging!
Anyway, so here we are again for episode 6 of season 8. Again, there's not much to blog about as very few things happened to move the show forward. I find this is a common theme for season 8. They fucked up last season by throwing too many characters and storylines in our faces last season, that now I guess this is their way of compensating for that poor decision. Unfortunately for them, they have gone too far in the opposite direction and for some reason are clinging to storylines and dragging them out as long as possible.
I guess this is what happens when a writing team share barely enough braincells between them to come up with an actual, decent storyline.
So let's go through the motions as we do every week. This shouldn't take to long.
Brooke & Julian. So... I was surprised at how he is with his mother. I seemed to recall last season that his fucked-up reason for saving Alex was because he couldn't save the mother ship, correct? This was his lame justification for abusing Brooke emotionally for the sake of crackhead Alex. Then we meet Mom (whom I guess has a thing for alcohol, although she seemed to be handling her liquor - just waiting for THAT obvious storyline to come out), and the truth is, Julian is just a little bitch. That dog outfit was spot on for him. Was his mother dressed as Cruella for some symbolic reason? I'm sorry, she can't beat Victoria for that crown. And Julian just licks her ass like an obedient pup. So I guess this is the new nemesis for Brooke, because apparently she can't catch a break, right Markhole? What's the bet mother-dearest loves Alex?
I gave up caring about Brulian a long time ago, mostly because Julian turned into some whore-loving wank-stick who puts his girlfriend's needs on the bottom rung of his care-factor ladder, and now I have a feeling I'm going to be exposed to more Brooke whining and unhappiness. Great, just great Mark. Ta-fucking-da! What a genius plan! This is such a brilliant new concept for her character. Your writing skills amaze me! Wait no... scratch that. We've been down this fucking boring road, haven't we? It leads to... poor ratings. But hey, keep skipping down your yellow-brick road and enjoy the illusion of Emerald City. What a douche-bag!
And can I just say, what the fuck do they think they're achieving by making Julian into a complete tool? What was with that high-five? We get it, the man is a loser, a dork, can't play basketball, nerd in school who didn't get the popular girl... blah fucking blah! WE GET IT! Fact is, WE DON'T CARE! Move on already!
Naley. Nothing new here. Seems like Nathan is in the beginnings of starting a career as an agent. He'll help his friend, feel the man love and find a new dream that he is good at. Well, hooray for you! Haley, what did we get from you today? You found your mystery caller and she's an amazing singer - who didn't pick THAT like a dirty nose? Guess this could be where the crossover comes into play? Whatever, I don't care about this chick, Erin, was it? Seriously. What else did Haley do? Oh right, bum-fuck all. Yep, that's about right. We are now aware that she is pregnant and scared of clowns. Stuff we already knew so we'll just move on.
Quinn and Clay. Who else rolled their eyes when Quinn was seen in her underwear again? Note to Mark - if it don't have b-bumps ANYWHERE (i.e boobs, belly or booty) it don't look good on tv. Just keep her clothed for the love of god. She's similar to a praying mantis and I'm no fan of the bug-effect. Glad she might be pissing off to Africa though. I might be able to begin eating whilst watching again. Good to know she is suffering more than Clay. very smart to bring a gun into the same room as where you both got shot. Can I also just say, go to a fucking therapist you crack-pot. Taking photos in Africa won't solve your mental issues. You had them way before now. We all saw how unstable you were when you left your husband for the most pathetic reasons on the planet. I seriously just want this bitch to die.
Clay - you can breathe again. Maybe now your face will return to normal. I say eat a burger now that the bulimic bitch has left the premises.
Jamie and friend. So Jamie is going to get a girlfriend. His little friend Chuck is a douche. His father loves him. I lost ten minutes or so of my life watching this little ferret. NEXT!
Alex and Chase. So Alex is gone and Chase is brooding about it. Mia walked in like a slutty version of Ariel. Fake tits for all to see. Note to Kate V - those plastic funbags don't take the focus off your dog face. I half expected her to start yapping at the bar like a chihuahua on heat. And Chase deserves better than Alex? I'm glad you're not saying it's you because honey, you're lower than dirt. So Alex has to leave for a movie - how is that different from you leaving for a musical tour? Dumping via text message cos you're too much of a pussy to face things head on. BITCH PUH-LEASE - you are starting to annoy me almost as much as Quinn.
Mouth and Millie. So you fucked. We don't care, really. Either get together or stay apart. Either way, your drawn out love whatever is boring and we don't give two shits about it. Fuck, I would have gone home with anyone besides Mouth too. Who does he think he is telling her they're just having fun? Little rodent is lucky a woman is actually giving him the time of day with the ugly mug he has on him.
Also, I felt the Brooke/Mouth scene was a huge let down. If it wasn't for Mouth and Haley, Brooke would never have started the company in the first place. Him with the website and Haley with the encouragement. And now she has lost everything, they had a two minute scene about it. Whatever. This bullshit show has just become so pathetic lately every minute of it is a new letdown.
So, recap of what we learned from this episode:
1. Brooke lost her company and is sad about it. But hey, we're moving forward because Julian's Mom is in town and... they're planning the wedding.
2. Julian is asking the question "What Comes next?"
3. Clay and Quinn got shot. They say "I Love You" a lot.
4. Nathan gave up basketball and doesn't know what to do next.
5. Mia can't get over Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass.
6. Haley is pregnant.
7. Alex is an actress.
8. Mouth is a freak.
Yes, as you can see - we're moving ahead in leaps and bounds!
Rant and rave people,
Toddian & Chrissy.
2 comments:
So let's start by saying - loved this as always. There were some things you said that really got me thinking and cracked me up.
Like the whole thing with Brulian being together at all - it's a complete disappointment. I remember when he first came on the show and he was kind of a breath of fresh air. He was the trouble maker - I remember loving that scene between him and Lucas where he drew "J + P" in the sugar on the table. He was such a smartass and had so much potential!
And then just like everything else, Mark touched it and turned it to shit. Within a couple episodes he was telling Brooke he loved her and giving all these ultimatums, and it was complete bullshit! His character changed in the span of like... one episode! And became utter dogshit!
And what's this about Quinn leaving? Is she actually leaving and is it forever?? PLEASE SAY YES! Not that there's much in the show to make me want to watch anyway, but if she wasn't there, I'd at least contemplate it!
Anyway I've run out of juice, so I think I'm gonna end there. You both know how great the blog is, and well... your patience is clearly even greater!
<3
At least they stopped Haley writing to Lucas. Hopefully it done for good. Now all they have to do is stick to the ORIGINAL theme song. This weeks was the worst version so far.
I so agree with what Kasey said about Julian. Its so true. I liked him better when he was first one the show. He wasn't a pussy he had balls and an attitude. He waS A man. and whats with his high five. In Quinns dream he did it but with Nate....
Julians mom treated Brooke just like her own mom does.
I hope Quinn leaves. I think Clay would be so much better w/o her.
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