Hiatus... Obviously Wasn't Long Enough For This Show To Get A Clue!!!

Backstabbing best friend? Check! Oh fuck, is Seyton SwaySlut ScotTramp back to gang rape our poor eyes?

Assassination of Brooke Davis' character? Check!

Douches getting away with being assholes? Check!

Boring side characters getting more attention than we even care about? Check!

Crazy stalkers? Check- checkity, check check!!!

Well, looks like another epsiode of One Tree Hill to me.

Seriously, could this show get any fucking worse? She says as the whole world explodes1

Right from the very first scene, I knew my puke bucket was in order and some seriously strong alcohol was a must! Let's start with Brooke and Julian, seeing as this pathetic excuse for a romance was the first piece of garbage thrust into my face.

FUCKING GAG ME NOW!

What was with all the "boyfriend" name-calling?

Newsflash fashionista - that pet name died out season 3 when it didn't deserve to be used anymore, and although hand-me-down names and recycled scenes are Mark's thing, this was a major fucking screw up.

Did anyone else fire bullets at their screen when Brooke fawned over Julian like she was trying to make something up to him? Breakfast in bed? Are you fucking kidding me? Telling him how great his movie was going to be and how talented he was... again? Saying sorry - AGAIN?

I'm sorry, but Sophia Bush needs to accept that damn offer to join that sitcom on ABC because the assassination of Brooke Davis is now complete... I mean, damn Mark (To hell you dickless fucker)... I know you miss crazy Seyton and all, but turning a once fiesty, independent firecracker into this Julian-serving, ass-kissing doormat is just NOT Brooke Davis, and NOT good television.

UGH.

And don't even get me started on Brooke being the one to talk Julian into helping Alex... I don't want a fucking Saint Brooke after all the crap that big-headed bastard put Brooke through. FYI - Man with the biggest forehead in television history - WHERE IS THAT DAMN APOLOGY FOR BEING A BIG DOUCHE?

Oh that's right, it's floating somewhere down De-Nile with Mark's talent! It's time he dropped Alex like the dead weight she is. Seriously, if that hooker couldn't tell she was shagging a gay dude with all the men she's slept with, then she isn't worth the one million dollars people are extorting them for.

NEXT! Moving on to Clay and Quinn - fuck me!

I'll be the first to admit, I was so excited to see Robert Buckley in the role of Clay when it was first announced... my, my, my.. what a disappointment he turned out to be! Not only was his character boring as bat shit tonight, but his look never changed the entire show - deer in the headlights, anyone? And what is he trying to achieve by being male-anorexia's poster child?

I know Quinn is sucking the life out of him with her constant whining and pity-me status... but for fuck's sake, he looks like she has literally swallowed him.. where has he gone? Hello Clay... your bones would like their meat back, pronto! He looks fucking terrible! And then I had to endure Quinn maiking everything about her tonight and throwing in some "Mom" references so she could "bond" with Haley at ehr photography stuio that Mommy bought her?

SISTERLY bonding over that lame photo too? Quinn being deep and meaningful and full of talent... pffft... didn't buy it then and never will - not even if you sell it cheap in a 99 cent store. You fucking suck Quinn and your storyline with Clay and lame attempt at sympathy grabbing when you've had everything handed to you on a silver platter, failed to score you any points either. Pack up shop and fuck off back to the rock you crawled out from. Now, the Katie thing - seriously, another stalker? Excuse me while I yawn. Derek.

Carrie. Katie.... zzzzzzzzzz. She is HOT though! LOL

Why Mark had to ruin that brilliant chemistry between Clay and Sara by turning the actress into a nut-job is beyond me. I can only hope he redeems himself by having Katie kill Quinn and make the world a happier place. I doubt that would happen though, because these days One Tree Hill isn't about entertainment, it's about....

*insert reason for this bullshit here, cos I got nothing!*

What's next on this rollercoaster of crap?

oh right... Mouth! Mouth and rollecoaster in the same sentence. Don't you mean circus? Monkey face asshole!

Well, of all the sneaky, under-handed, backstabbing things to do... he goes and chucks a Seyton and decides to snake his best friend's girl! One would think that Mouth would see the impossibility of being with Lauren now his BEST friend is back, and simply have his back and stay the fuck away.. but no, once again Marky Mark was missing Seyton so damn much that he decided to add "best friend betrayal" to tonight's episode.

Sure, they tried to make it look like that little rodent as taking the high road when it came to the situation "I'll tell him cos he's my best friend." Interesting that you forgot that when you were sticking your tongue down Lauren's throat. Speaking of blonde sluts, Lauren is ridiculous - giving up on love and Skills for Mouth?

MOUTH - the most unattractive cockroach on the show! AMEN SISTER!

Skillz came home for you, you dumb bitch - gave up his life and what do you do? Oh right, repay him by running off with his best friend! If him giving up his life to be with you isn't love, then you deserve the scum-sucking rodent that seems to have not learned a thing about cheating on your friends from the whole farce that was Pucas. And then I have to see Skills drowning his sorrows at the bar with that loser guy who no one cares about and actually blaming himself? Oh fuck me - here comes the Brooke Davis train of ridiculous logic from season 4, where apparently friend's cheating on you is your fault!

FUCK YOU MARK SCHWAHN AND YOUR INANE LOGIC!

Jamie and Nathan. Boring. Seriously, father/son bonding is not something I give a shit about. Yeah, Nathan's a good dad. Yeah, he's a good husband. Yeah, he plays more home games than any basketball player I've ever seen. This is bullshit and I don't give a shit about it. Next!Grubbs and whats-her-name. Oh no, I have to leave the country cos I'm beinng deported... ever heard of checking your VISA you moron?

Oh no, that's right, you wouldn't have that kind of logic since you're only running a record label, and hey, if Seyton can do it, it must be as easy as playing with play dough. Grubbs proposed... and I skipped forward. Bottom line - I don't give a fuck about these stupid sideline characters. They're boring and useless and not worth the money they're being paid to make a shitty show even shittier!Finally, there was a Baley moment and Brooke told Haley about not being able to have kids - after Haley takes a random prego test that meant squat to the storyline.

Touching, but it took too damn long and it makes you wonder if these girlies are even BFFs at all?

Oh that's right, there's no time for Baley because Haley is too busy trying to prop Quinn, and Brooke is too busy trying to attach her lips to Julian's ass. Baley who, right Mark? Fucker.And then Haley having a mental breakdown over her Mom. She was weird all night, trying to put on a brave face, and then she falls apart in tears beside the pool when everyone else is in bed.

Suffer in silence type? Since fucking when? This storyline has lame written all over it and I can only hope that Mark does Bethany some justice and utilize her amazing talent before they waste another perfectly good opportunity steering this show down Suck Lane!So you may be wondering if there was anything I actually liked in this waste of an hour. Well, there was one thing, but only one.

VICTORIA DAVIS getting busted. Her reaction to Skills punching Mouth and basically telling the entire population that Mouth was after his girl, was as funny as hell!

Not only was her man half her age and half naked... I don't think anyone can say the word "sandalous" quite like Queen V! Well done! And well done on actually saying what a jerk Mouth was for doing such a thing. Sneaky little rodent. He belongs in the sewer with the rest of the rats!

So... overall? Yeah, this show still sucks monkey balls, and if the populous get their way, we're heading for another season of crap. All I can say is, run Sophia run... and save yourself from the pile of steaming shite that One Tree Hill has turned into. In my mind, this show ended season 3 because it was all downhill from there and it will never be able to recover.Well, that's it for me. Just keep in mind, if we cross our fingers and wish really hard...

only 3 episodes to go!

Later peeps,

Chrissy & Toddian