Hallelujah!
Has the Holy trinity heard my wayward prayers and decided to prevent Dork Schwahn from spreading these Rabbis infested disease also known as PRO-SLUT SHITTY ‘Rather Have AIDS than logic and constancy’ BULLSHIT he calls writing?
Has Hell finally decided to open up and swallow this half-ass hour of Mark Schwahn sucking his own gonads and pretending it’s a blonde skeletal, talentless actress?
((Which BTW is so fucking creepy, I mean what sort of writer’s Johnson gets set aflame by dreaming of screwing an actress who couldn’t show emotion if she were squeezing out a spawn with medication.))
Probably the same writer who actually thinks pissing on fans and the screenplay, letting it dry, then waving that stinky piece of shit in everyone’s faces ((ie, Pucas flashback scenes of boredom and hell and trying to destroy BL memories by adding dick face or rather dick wrapped around his forehead, Julian into the mix))!
And that makes this Dumb Fuck Hack writer just…
FUCKING GROSS!
That Don Imus lookin’ Script-WHORE!
That’s right; the Schwahn is a script whore! Dudes been pimping out the same storylines since season 4. He’s like a crack head using a once great but now nasty body for sex to get his high, repeatedly! And the nerve of Pukers… see … to say ratings are down because Sir McSquinty and his Skeletal Skank-whore are gone?
Nah, they have been down since Pucas started season 4 and whenever they break up it goes back to normal. In fact, most BLers quit by the middle season 6 after the disrespect and there is no way to get them back to watching if the Schwahn, the guy who allowed it, is still there. So… NEXT!
I could talk about Idiot Pucas lovers all day, but I’d rather talk about interesting shit! Hahaha! Those boring mother fuckers!
The fact is that the beginning of season 7 had the same ratings as the end of season 6 when Pucas was everywhere spreading doom, gloom, stank-ass cheese and emo boredom to the world.
Nope season 7 started suck when moonfaced Quinn dragged beaver tooth clay into the dark, talentless abyss with her sucky acting. When Millie and ugly ass monkey *I mean Mouth* took over the show and Midget Jamie wouldn’t do what everyone wanted which was:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Giving Haley James little to no storyline without crazy nannies or boring ass Nate’s basketball juggling!
And the biggest one was always hurting our fair BROOKLYN! Taking Camel Humped forehead Julian and morphing him into triple camel humped head LucASS clone 2.0 was the last a straw! I know Brooke and Haley have a huge fan bases and pissing us off is not wise.
And Mark calls this shit EPIC!
More Like E(PathetIC)…
Why? Well, I’ll let my girl Chris explain that in her review of the last suck ass episode.
*enter Chrissy*
EPIC - Something phenomenonally bad masked as something good in an effort to try and convince others that it isn't one big pile of steaming shit!
Judging by the way Mark views this word - This episode was as EPIC as Pucas - nice work, Marky Mark!
So hey, hi, howdy, hello and all that junk... Chrissy here again, helping out my Todd and watching this stinking crapbag show for yet another week, scratching my head as to where on earth the magic that used to be One Tree Hill has disappeared to and wondering how I'm going to get back the hour of my life it just sucked from me in it's failed attempt of entertaining me.
Shall we begin?
I feel the need to blurt out the obvious here and start with those James girls. ((Please tell me one of these bitches is dead!))
I mean really, did we not get enough of the tag-team of Quinn and her cheerleader Haley last week? ((Once was too much))
We seriously have to sit through them acting all holier-than-thou with Taylor, yet again? I clapped when Taylor yelled at Haley for acting like she knew what was best for everyone - here, fucking here! I mean, I love Haley, but please bitch, if you keep shoving your smug attitude and condescending tone down everyone's throat I'm gonna be on the fast track to hating you. Excuse me for remembering that whilst Taylor stirred trouble in season 2, she was also the girl who stood by Haley when she decided to leave Nathan for the tour, and she was also the girl that Haley called when she knew Nathan was travelling back home after attempting to see her on tour, and she was also the girl who told Nathan to be faithful to his wife and to have faith in them - THAT WAS ALL TAYLOR! NOT QUINN! But character assassination in order to prop a worthless, less-loved character is a total Mark move... I should have known...
So, this brings me back to my question... David broke up with Taylor? WHY? ((Mark needed something to fill the time while he sat on the shitter))
So, this brings me back to my question... David broke up with Taylor? WHY? ((Mark needed something to fill the time while he sat on the shitter))
It wasn't like his ex was any better than the current James he was shacked up with, and let's face it, she would have been a better lay, if for no other reason than the proportionate nose she has on her (I still say Far-Quinn Idiot is a health hazard!) Then comes that line...
"You're not seriously looking to me for sympathy?"
Did anyone else let out a sigh of shocked and appalled air at that statement? Like, are you fucking kidding me? The vapid whore left her husband for fucked up reasons, spent zero time mourning him before moving on to another poor, unsuspecting soul that she could drain the life out of (which by the way, I will NEVER forgive that cock-sucking Mark bitch for ruining the potential of Clay), and she manages to utter the EXACT words we have been screaming at the television, in regards to her, for how long now?
Does anyone else think Mark gets a rise out of being a total, fucking wanker? (( See Mark Schwahn's HOW TO RUIN YOUR MEALTICKET FOR DUMMIES PART DEUX: ssn 6-7))
"You're not seriously looking to me for sympathy?"
Did anyone else let out a sigh of shocked and appalled air at that statement? Like, are you fucking kidding me? The vapid whore left her husband for fucked up reasons, spent zero time mourning him before moving on to another poor, unsuspecting soul that she could drain the life out of (which by the way, I will NEVER forgive that cock-sucking Mark bitch for ruining the potential of Clay), and she manages to utter the EXACT words we have been screaming at the television, in regards to her, for how long now?
Does anyone else think Mark gets a rise out of being a total, fucking wanker? (( See Mark Schwahn's HOW TO RUIN YOUR MEALTICKET FOR DUMMIES PART DEUX: ssn 6-7))
And really, must Clay profess his love to Quinn EVERY episode? Please bitch, saying it doesn't make it visible, and we don't see it. We never have, we never will. Move on already.
Quinn is SUCH a waste a space, and not even her half attempt at crying and being all saddened by her dying Mom made me like her... especially since Haley and Taylor acted their asses off and smashed her pathetic attempt of being depressed, out of the ball park. I mean really, where was Momma James supporting Haley when she wanted to follow her deams? She certainly wasn't giving her daughter 6 months of free rent in a shop to get started - well Quinn.... what can I say except that wench only proved one thing this episode - once a mooch, always a mooch! I just HATE this character!
Now I don't know about you guys, but when Clay called her baby, I swear to you all, I tasted a little vomit in my mouth - it brought me back to the days of watching Pucas attempt chemistry, where my up-chuck reflex was tested on a weekly basis. Lesson here? CHEMISTRY is needed for a couple to be believable and well-liked. Proof? Season 2 was the HIGHEST rated season of this show, and what did it entail? Naley and Brucas angst. What did it NOT entail? Any romantic Pucas of any kind and no couples without chemistry. Wake the fuck up Mark and start sniffing the pile of shit you seem to think we enjoy having shoved down our throats... Quinn sucks! Quinn and Clay suck even harder! Kill off the bitch already and give Haley a decent storyline to sink her teeth into.
Oh, and just out of curiosity - when did Haley's dad die? ((Good Question... Wait, haley has parents?))Like seriously, I must have been bored out of my brain in the episode they killed him off. And yet... I don't care. Whatever.
Quinn is SUCH a waste a space, and not even her half attempt at crying and being all saddened by her dying Mom made me like her... especially since Haley and Taylor acted their asses off and smashed her pathetic attempt of being depressed, out of the ball park. I mean really, where was Momma James supporting Haley when she wanted to follow her deams? She certainly wasn't giving her daughter 6 months of free rent in a shop to get started - well Quinn.... what can I say except that wench only proved one thing this episode - once a mooch, always a mooch! I just HATE this character!
Now I don't know about you guys, but when Clay called her baby, I swear to you all, I tasted a little vomit in my mouth - it brought me back to the days of watching Pucas attempt chemistry, where my up-chuck reflex was tested on a weekly basis. Lesson here? CHEMISTRY is needed for a couple to be believable and well-liked. Proof? Season 2 was the HIGHEST rated season of this show, and what did it entail? Naley and Brucas angst. What did it NOT entail? Any romantic Pucas of any kind and no couples without chemistry. Wake the fuck up Mark and start sniffing the pile of shit you seem to think we enjoy having shoved down our throats... Quinn sucks! Quinn and Clay suck even harder! Kill off the bitch already and give Haley a decent storyline to sink her teeth into.
Oh, and just out of curiosity - when did Haley's dad die? ((Good Question... Wait, haley has parents?))Like seriously, I must have been bored out of my brain in the episode they killed him off. And yet... I don't care. Whatever.
Haley's other half - Nathan - well, wasn't this just the most pointless episode for him? I mean really, he got paid for that shit? Walking around after his little freak of a son and getting owned by Julian on set? In what alternate universe would Julian EVER get one up on Nate and make him look stupid? Give me a mother fucking break! I will say though, he did have the best line in this show when we had a brief Brathan moment... "Let me know if you need me to knock some sense into the guy!"
YES NATHAN, DO IT! Channel your old-school, ass-kicking godliness and smash that fuckstick Julian back to whatever rock he crawled out from and stop him treating Brooke like a fucking doormat!
Speaking on things I wipe my feet on - Grubbs, really? Nice singing, but I don't give a shit who his girlfriend is. NEXT!
So, moving on... Millie. Is it just me or does no one even care about this storyline anymore? I don't!
When those bitches waked into the store I couldn't even raise an eyebrow to show my interest in that scene and the junkie-wannabe's problems - I simply don't give a fuck. Go snort some bad blow and be gone already. Seriously, you were more fun when you played in the shadows on the Tree Hill playground and served your actual purpose of propping the main characters, not eating away at their screen time with your lame story. Go and pimp Brooke, and maybe that will drag her away from the insanely frustrating and boring storyline she seems to have landed in.
BRULIAN. *gags* BOO-Lian
Mark says romantic build-up - I say eye-gouging seems more productive. I could create more romantic build-up letting a bull loose in a paddock full of cows.
Speaking of dumb animals, anyone else wanna hurl Alex through a window? ((Do those insect walking sticks count as animals?))
BRULIAN. *gags* BOO-Lian
Mark says romantic build-up - I say eye-gouging seems more productive. I could create more romantic build-up letting a bull loose in a paddock full of cows.
Speaking of dumb animals, anyone else wanna hurl Alex through a window? ((Do those insect walking sticks count as animals?))
So what, she's all Team Brulian now and we're supposed to like her all of a sudden? You know, for a guy that spends a lot of time bringing up the past to pimp his new season (Aunt Seyton, Uncle Skills and "Working with my ex boyfriend in my ex-ex boyfriend's house" pathetic throw ins, just to name a few), dumbfuck Mark seems to easily forget that the last girl who went after Brooke's man and then encouraged her to get back with him, turned around and acted like a total slut YET AGAIN with the dude, and we're supposed to believe Alex is any different?
And don't even get me started on her and Alexander! But hey, he's a designer, maybe he can teach her how to use scissors properly! And please, keep on kissing Brooke on the cheek so I can enjoy watching big-headed Julian swallow the same shit he has been dishing out to Brooke for how long now? I know Julian probably swallows, but I doubt its shit... Muhahahaha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you fucking douchebag!
What are we seeing happen here? It's simple - Mark recycling storylines, yet again! Quite frankly, season 4 was the moment that dick lost all my respect. And what's with dropping all these lines about Alex being "hot" - go hump her then and leave your twisted, morbid fantasies away from my television screen. I swear, this writer must get off on slutty whores who treat their "friends" like shit - jerk off to those bitches in your own time and try really hard to remember that REAL WOMEN don't buy into that shit!
What are we seeing happen here? It's simple - Mark recycling storylines, yet again! Quite frankly, season 4 was the moment that dick lost all my respect. And what's with dropping all these lines about Alex being "hot" - go hump her then and leave your twisted, morbid fantasies away from my television screen. I swear, this writer must get off on slutty whores who treat their "friends" like shit - jerk off to those bitches in your own time and try really hard to remember that REAL WOMEN don't buy into that shit!
(( Seeing as the dude has been humping a cardboard cut out of Seyton for nearly six years - I doubt he knows anything about REAL women))
A bitch like Seyton and a bitch like Alex would have been handled good and proper by any woman I know, and slapped senseless would have been a nice way to put what those hoes would have endured because of their antics. I always forget, that in the world of Mark, if you act like a backstabbing, two-faced whore, you've got nothing to worry about. Now there's a great life lesson to teach the younger generation that watch your show. "SLUT PAYS OFF." That should be the show's new tagline. That, and "Mark = dumbass!"
Finally, Brooke. Oh my god, stab my fucking eyes out and use them as hockey pucks because this is NOT Brooke. She doesn't pine after some guy who puts everyone except her, first. She doesn't throw longing stares at some asshat who isn't smart enough to see how amazing she is, even though he's read a whole book about it (now how's that for dumb?). She doesn't buy into his bullshit when he throws out "I Miss You" but then doesn't have the balls to do something about treating her right! And she doesn't tell the guy who treated her like shit how great a job he's doing at work and making him feel good about himself when he's the limp-dick mother fucker who broke her damn heart because he got off on some crackhead whore lusting after him.
Finally, Brooke. Oh my god, stab my fucking eyes out and use them as hockey pucks because this is NOT Brooke. She doesn't pine after some guy who puts everyone except her, first. She doesn't throw longing stares at some asshat who isn't smart enough to see how amazing she is, even though he's read a whole book about it (now how's that for dumb?). She doesn't buy into his bullshit when he throws out "I Miss You" but then doesn't have the balls to do something about treating her right! And she doesn't tell the guy who treated her like shit how great a job he's doing at work and making him feel good about himself when he's the limp-dick mother fucker who broke her damn heart because he got off on some crackhead whore lusting after him.
Brooke Davis has SELF ESTEEM and she doesn't take shit like this from jerkoffs who treat her like garbage! She kicks and then dumps their ass. And now she is being nice to Alex? She couldn't even manage that with her best friend, and THAT is the kind of realistic Brooke (circa season 1-3) that I want to see. Not this doormat version that Mark seems to be so fond of. Grab your lame time machine, you freak of a writer, and transport yourself back to the days when women were happy to be doormats and then stay there. If you enjoy that kind of woman, then fine - but don't try to change the best character of the show into a lame version of herself. Give us our Brookie back, PRONTO!
Okay... so, all in all... I'm left with three words.
WHAT THE FUCK?
What the fuck happened to Brooke? Been possessed by Seyton. The only saving grace is that she also has NOT been possessed by Hil's lack of acting ablity too otherwise we'd all be screwed!
Okay... so, all in all... I'm left with three words.
WHAT THE FUCK?
What the fuck happened to Brooke? Been possessed by Seyton. The only saving grace is that she also has NOT been possessed by Hil's lack of acting ablity too otherwise we'd all be screwed!
What the fuck is Julian eating to make his head grow so damn big? Squint-o-Flakes!
What the fuck is Quinn still doing on my screen? Mark probably asked her: Do you spit or swallow?
What the fuck makes the writers think we give a shit about crackhead Millie? They share drugs and a brain?
What the fuck was Nathan's purpose in this episode? What the fuck has been this dudes purpose since he and luke became friends season 1?
What the fuck kind of a name is Grubbs? Well the Schwahn couldn't name him "MY SHOW IS IN THE SHITTER", so Grubbs was the next best alternative.
What the fuck happened to this damn show? in the shitter! hahaha!
WHAT THE FUCK, MARK?
Anyway, share your thoughts or whatever. I have a feeling my gorgeous amigo Todd is going to make me rant at you poor people from now on, so good luck with that :)
Later peeps!
Chrissy
& Toddian.... WHAT THE FUCK, MARK?
Anyway, share your thoughts or whatever. I have a feeling my gorgeous amigo Todd is going to make me rant at you poor people from now on, so good luck with that :)
Later peeps!
Chrissy
Much love Homies
2 comments:
uAnother AMAZINGGG rant and review. I couldn’t stop laughing and nodding my head in agreement from start to finish!
Toddian, I’ve heard the rumors regarding the possible cancelation of OTH as well. I’m honestly not even gonna get my hopes up until it is definitely confirmed that “One Crap Hill” isn’t coming back for good. I had my hopes up when season 6 ended as well only to find out that there was gonna be a season 7. However, IF it is indeed confirmed that OTH isn’t returning, then I’ll be the first person to run up and down the streets screaming and celebrating at the top of my lungs.
I hope Mark Schwahn aka the worlds biggest douche bag will finally pull his head out of his ass and call it QUITS like he should’ve a long ass time ago. Its doesn’t help that the fucken douche bag feels the need to bring up PukAss every fucken episode. And then to make it worse, the asshole keeps throwing the same fucking storylines back in our faces which just goes to further prove that whoever gave him a shot at being a “writer” in this industry should be strangled.
And honestly Toddian, the fucken Pukers can bitch about how ratings are low because Lucas and Peyton are gone aka the two blonde skanks all they want until they’re blue in the face…..but that DOESN’T mean its true. In fact, they’re just living in their own fucking denial. The ratings for OTH have sucked ass since the beginning of season 4 which was WAY BEFORE Pucas left the fucken show. So their so called logic goes right of the fucking window. I know many BLers had stopped watching during season 4 when Pucas got together because they were pissed and frustrated that a couple that had the biggest build up on the show(Brucas) was now suddenly being replaced by two pathetic blondes because Lucas all of a sudden magically forgot that he was “the guy for Brooke Davis” and she was the girl for him. And then the fucking show lost even more Brucas fans during season 6 when LukAss chose PeytWhore and were now fucking pissed off at Mark for basically dragging the fan base through the mud over and over again and then stomping all over them. No wonder so many people hate his guts. What’s even more laughable is that Lucas and Lindsay’s wedding had much higher ratings then the Pucas wedding….so if the Pukers still wanna rant about how the show isn’t doing so good because Pucas is gone, then they may wanna consider checking again.
The ratings for this show this season have been like they have been for the past 2 or so years and the only reason they’re starting to dip is because a lot of people are fed up with Mark dishing out the same crap over and over again when there are other shows that are dishing out better storylines. So its about time Mark finally starts using his brain and calls it quits before the shows ratings plummet further into the ground.
This weeks episode was further evidence as to why the show should be canceled. I get that Taylor has a bitchy personality but the girl is still a million times better than Moonface aka Quinn. That bitch is just dreadful and very unpopular from what I’ve been seeing. She tries to come across as some sort of a fucken martyr but every time she opens her mouth, I just wanna smack the bitch across the face and then smack the shit out of Mark for choosing such an awful actress to play the part of Quinn.
It really pisses me off that Haley continuously tears into Taylor but yet refuses to see that Quinn is a bigger bitch. Taylors the kinda girl who says what she has to say no matter what the other person may think. And unlike Quinn, she doesn’t try to portray herself as this angel who can do no wrong. It still pisses me off that Haley never laid into Quinn for leaving David for such STUPID reasons but then goes and lashes out at Taylor for dating a man who was dumped by his ass of a wife just because he wanted to make a better life for himself and her. And I hate the way Haley has turned into this smug and condescending person who is all Team Quinn and fuck Taylor.
(Part 2)
And I absolutely can’t help but agree with you Chrissy…..the second that Clay called Quinn “baby,” I couldn’t help but get an overwhelming sensation to vomit. I loved Clay in the beginning but ever since Mark decided to get Clay and Quinn together, I just want Clay to disappear and take Quinn with him. The character really did have a lot of potential but with Moonface all over him all the time, he’s become irritating and pointless.
And all those crying scenes when the James sister learned of their mothers’ illness made me literally cringer. Haley and Taylor were great and believable whereas the actress who plays Quinn just sat or stood there trying look as of she was really sad and trying desperately to get some tears to roll down her cheeks. The only thing the bitch is good for is wearing tight clothes or wearing things that showcase her legs…..maybe she should consider quitting acting and go try out for Playboy instead.
Honestly the bitch has been mooching off of everyone ever since she came to Tree Hill and now to have her mother get her a shop rent free to start her photography crap pisses me off because A)she does nothing but mooch off of people and B) she won’t be dying or disappearing anytime soon.
Then theres Nathan. Now I love the guy but what exactly has he been doing for the past few episodes besides following Jamie around like a dog or standing back and watching the James sisters argue back and forth? The guy needs a good storyline and it sucks that despite being the 3 MAIN and ORIGINAL characters, Nathan, Brooke, and Haley don’t have any big storylines while the newbies and the useless characters are constantly being shoved in our faces.
As for Millie…..all I’m gonna say is that she is irritating and useless as fuck and I miss the good old days when she has a minor role that required little talking. I used to like Millie until she turned into a bitch and then a crackwhore.
And then there’s Alex who had more screen time than any other character on the show in this week’s episode. I don’t like the bitch and she needs to LEAVE. The whore doesn’t even know how to kill herself properly. And who the fuck cares about her? Why does Mark feel the need to revolve more than half of the episode around her? But then again, its Mark we’re talking about and we all know by now that the guy is nothing but a complete asshole and he loves nothing more than back-stabbing two faced sluts. Alex can act like she’s on Team Brulian all she wants but when the dumb whore says shit like “I still love Julian,” she can take her support for Brulian and shove it up her ass.
And I absolutely agree about Brooke. The Brooke Mark has been giving us is not our Brooke. Brooke doesn’t take people’s bullshit and nor does she spend her time pining after guys who treat her like crap. She stands up for herself and basically tells anyone who treats her like shit to go fuck themselves. So why is Mark making her to be some sort of a doormat? She should be slapping Alex….not being nice to her. And she should be ignoring and staying away from Julian until he realizes how badly he fucked up instead of praising him.
I’m just glad this season only has a few more episodes left because Mark has done nothing but disappoint immensely……as usual.
--Jennifer
Post a Comment