Welcome to the Clay & Quinn Show

And they thought this was going to get them ratings? Someone needs some common sense, pronto!

Okay, it's official. I wanna know who is in charge of Mark's brain now that Seyton has left the building? I spent six seasons getting used to it being all about Peyton and her happy ending, her happy life, her not paying for the skanky moves and backstabbing actions she committed throughout the series. Mark Schwahn had a boner for Hilarie and we all knew it. Hell, she probably sucked him off daily just to get things done her way. But how on Earth did the succubus Quinn manage to get everything to be about her?

Perhaps he really does have a thing for anorexic, duck-faced bitches?

So once again we're back for round three of the painful eighth series of One Lame Hill. I have to admit, this particular episode made me angrier than the previous two and I cannot believe Mark thinks he is so above and beyond reproach that he thought this lump of crap was actually worth the 44 minutes of my life it consumed. I would have been better off dedicating that time to picking my nose than enduring this pathetic excuse for a show.

What made me so angry? I think it was partly due to the fact that this whole episode seemed to move the story forward all of maybe, 4 inches. Not even a dick from the heavens would be satisfying at that size! Seriously, we are no better off at the end of this episode than we were the end of the previous one. It stuck us in a stale, non-mobile state of watching the most boring couple on the show take center stage with their drama that really, let's face it, no one gives two flying fucks about!

So, we endured Haley and Nathan expressing their feelings for the entire episode. Unfortunately, as sweet as some of their scenes were, they were ALL centered around Clay and Quinn. To watch every single character that appeared today have their story dictated by this chemistry-lacking couple, who barely know the majority of them, was beyond ridiculous. But on top of that, the whole Naley storyline seemed to have ceased when it came to her sister and his manager. So basically, the majority of scenes were set in the hospital, but neither the conversations or interactions had any real impact on the show. Honestly, they were pretty much boring throughout.

I was excited to see Nathan at the hospital in a previous episode - and now we find out his back is degenerating. Interesting, but yet again, Nathan's storyline is focused on basketball. The worst part? His admission was put on the back burner for the rest of the episode because it had no bearing on Clay and Quinn's storyline. We got a whole two minutes dedicated to it before Clay was mentioned again. Since when have Naley's storylines EVER been less important than a couple like Quinn and Clay? Oh that's right, since season 7 when this fucking absurdity began. Really, they were probably the most enlightening part of the whole episode, and it's become abundantly clear, that only the hardcore Naley fans are the ones excited to see this show week in and week out. I think even they would have been pissed off at the episode this week.

Then we have the drama with COB, Brooke, Millicent and Victoria. So, Victoria is off to jail instead of Brooke and she gets to keep her company. Funny how people were going nuts at Brooke for trusting her mother and calling her a dumbass on the CW boards. I'd like to see their Mom go to the slammer for them. Bitches. Although, I have to admit that this seems like a fair punishment, as it was actually Victoria who did it. Perhaps Millicent should get into trouble too though, since she forged just as many signatures, or at least knew about what was going down. Conspiracy, I believe they call it. However, the only thing that actually annoyed me about this particular storyline, was the fact that due to the immense time spent of having the characters run around Quinn and Clay like ferrets on crack for the entire episode, this storyline was only dedicated ten minutes of the ep in total. Someone like Victoria, who has been around longer than Quinn and Clay, went to prison and the writers could give two shits about that.

There's a reason you only got 1.9mil last week... time to wake up to yourselves, don't ya think?

Add to that, Brooke and Julian babysat Jamie for the day, and they had a few scenes together that spoke about their situation, but honestly, their screen time was so limited that anything they said was not pivotal to the storyline. It went nowhere. And the mentioning of them being good parents by Chubby Checker Scott makes me wonder why adoption hasn't been addressed? Or fostering, since Brooke took care of Sam and Angie. We get that this storyline isn't going away - so fucking do something with it. Don't rush it at the end and make it another copy of the lame celebrity couple who bought their baby.

Although I was grateful for the limited Julian.

What else pissed me off? Oh right, the blatant stealing of storylines. Patrick Swayzee would be turning in his grave at the fact that Mark Schwahn STOLE the idea of Ghost for this episode. Really, Ghosts talking to one another, helping each other out? Stuck between living and dying completely.

And who else just KNEW that the Will dude helping him out was gonna die and then TA DA, he's an organ donor.

BITCH PUH-LEASE! Just like I said on the CW boards - Y&R called and they want their unbelievable soap opera storylines back!

Like really, not only are we supposed to believe that some bitch gets shot, lays there bleeding out for 12 hours but miraculously wakes up the next day - but now we're supposed to believe that the guy that got shot with her, bled out for twelve hours, had failing kidneys and needed a transplant, got put on life support cos his organs were shutting down and he couldn't breathe on his own... is alive and kicking a week later?

BITCH PUH-LEASE x 2! This may be your version of heaven Quinn-tessential-idiot James, but this is our kind of soap digest HELL!

More annoying traits of the episode? Oh right, apparently not only are we subjected to Haley writing to Lucas at the beginning of every episode (I'm sorry, but you cannot replace the originality of Lucas Scott voiceovers, get a clue dickheads), but Mark thinks apparently messing with the new theme song is some genius, artistic idea. Who else wanted to turn it down for not only the sheer volume (we get it - crap still sounds crap at high decibels) but for how shameful it is to mess with Gavin's song like that? Bad move, Marky Mark. The Funky Bunch writers of yours let us down big time.

Fucking with a theme song is like Pucas - it just ain't right!

And Mouth and Millicent - awkward moment and then no addressing the storyline again for the rest of the episode. It was like a drive by shooting, only no aftermath. I was about to say "What the Fuck" but then realized that the storyline was focused on some other steaming turd-pile couple and my senses returned. Or my gag-reflex - it was one of the two.

Speaking of steaming turds, having Mouth podcast throughout the episode may have paid homage to previous years, but really, again - you cannot replace Lucas Scott narration with someone like Marvin McFadden throwing out sports quotes and eventually linking them all to Clay. Apparently, we need overly-obvious analogies to understand what Mark was trying to convey this episode. And what is with people repeating each other's lines? Once or twice is artistic - continually all episode is just plain annoying. We're not slow, and although our sanity is questionable because we subject ourselves to this bullshit out of some sense of loyalty, we're not crazy - we don't need to be told what is happening throughout the episode like we're toddlers trying to understand.

The good points - no mention of Seyton (HURRAH - FINALLY!), and no Alex/Chase and that FUG PUG Mia. It was a nice change. Although honestly, I would have settled for them and their stupid storyline over Clay and Quinn. Now that both are alive and well, maybe they can fuck off from my screen for a while and give my poor, tortured eyes a rest? Would we ever be so lucky?

So, at the end of the rubbish episode, I'm left doing two things. Going ape-shit on the cw at fuckers who bitch at me for wanting this show cancelled (you like it, so how stable are you, really?), and ranting to you people, the ones who actually have a brain and will speak the truth to the very end.

Oh, and FYI to all those crazies who keep begging to have Chad and Hil come back - Chad just signed onto a new movie, so not sure sure about your chances for that one. And yes, there IS a huge grin on my face right now!

So rant and rave people!

Much love,

Toddian and Chrissy

If Only This WAS a Dream - The Nightmare of OTH Continues...

DREAM SEQUENCES DIDN'T PREVENT THIS SHOW FROM BEING ONE NIGHTMARE TO WATCH!

So in the wake of the Sophia-Gate Scandal, OTH returned with it's second installment of shit shovelling for the new season last night. I admit, I came into this week not giving two shits about anything concerning this show anymore. Never-the-less, due to this blog and the many of you who come and rant to us each week so faithfully, here we are once again voicing our opinions of the farce that is OTH. So here's the LOWdown (and we mean low, cos this show is just utter garbage now) on what happened in that wasted hour of my life.

Of course, we go no further than one and half minutes and already Lucas and Peyton's names are mentioned. Honestly, I nearly gave up on this bullshit right then and there. I seemed to remember this fug, limp-dick tv writer/producer known as Mark Douchebag Schwahn reiterating last season that constantly bringing up Lucas and Peyton would be a detriment to the show because it needed to start fresh, move on and survive in spite of their departures. Well, guess that went down the shitter along with his creativity. Once again we are subjected to a melancholy Haley explaining to Lucas just how much she misses the dickhead who didn't bother to turn up to her mother's funeral. She misses the fake-blonde bulimic bitch (Lindsay Strauss, amen to you sister) who basically did jack crap to make Haley's life ANY better, and she misses other past characters who have died, moved on and left this steaming turd of a show in the dust. Yes, their names needed to be mentioned because...

*insert crickets*.

Is it really necessary to mention any of these lifetime-movie-bound degenerates anymore? Seriously, we DON'T give a fuck! After throwing countless people our way in order to replace them, it seems rather stupid to be bringing them back up now to pimp a show that many people have abandoned. Seriously, there are only two possible outcomes for this: the anti-LP fans will roll their eyes and curse the high heavens for even mentioning the gruesome twosome, and the Pukers will cry out in despair for teasing them with the obvious name drops.

MOVE THE FUCK ON!

And apparently because we didn't get enough of the overly-sad and emotional Haley last season, it is of course the now pregnant Mrs Nathan Scott who stumbles upon the bodies of her sister and Clay. Not even the attempt at fancy camera work and eerie music could stop me from laughing at the scene. Of all people to find them, it had to be Haley. I thought she was gonna run and throw herself off the side off the balcony. But for some reason, she held it together. Yes, apparently watching your Mom get the chance to say goodbye and pass on with her whole family surrounding her is much more traumatic that seeing your sister shot and bleeding out on the floor. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at this. Not to mention, twelve hours plus after the shooting they find them, and we're supposed to believe Quinn wakes up that same day? I'm sorry, but constantly having people say "It's a miracle they're even alive" doesn't change the fact that this storyline is complete horse shit!

I had to admit though, I found myself getting into the dream sequences. The lines were great, the scenery was beautiful, having Ghost Quinn and Clay figure out what happened to them and watching over their friends was really nice... until that sense of deja-vu set in and I realized this fucking storyline is so played out they have buskers in the street playing it for loose change! Really, Clay is going to take on the role of Keith and guide Quinn (who has taken on the role of Lucas/Karen/Dan), through the events and reasons as to why she needs to go back to the people who need her? Really Mark, THIS is what you get paid for? Hell, why don't we summon Demi Moore and see if they did it as well as Patrick Swayze did in Ghost back in 1990. This storyline is an EPIC FAIL!

Then moving on to Brooke's story lines, which are just as boring (but at least not romantically). So your Mom forged your name on documents that could get you sent to prison. And Millicent knew about it. And chucking a tantrum in the back office of your store is really going to help with that. I'm sorry, but as an owner of a company you need to have better business sense than that. I knew people were going to jump ALL OVER her line about being spoken to like a twelve, then eight year old. Honestly Sophia, you sure you want to claim input on this character? She's getting DUMBER by the minute. She gets props ONLY for the Baley scenes. They felt like a glimmer of the old school OTH and have been few and far between. Unfortunately, the huge gaps between seeing them have made them lose their appeal and they just don't have the same spark anymore.

Speaking of failed sparks, I was more than happy to have limited Boolian scenes. Julian and Jamie together were great - I got to skip through two of the most annoying characters on the show at the same time! Seriously though, I am so sick of hearing about what a dag Julian was in high school. Get the fuck over it, freak! I know these writers want it to seem like a fairytale that the nerd can get the popular girl later in life, but damn, I just cannot see Julian as anything other than a big-foreheaded mongrel who abused Brooke abominably in season 6 in regards to Alex and his precious script, and paid no restitution for it. He got a Seyton Free-Pass! WHAT THE FUCK? And now because he hangs out with a kid all day and starts acting like a sad, pathetic loser I'm supposed to like him again? Wrong, dickheads! Also, abusing the "Pretty Girl" name again still won't deter from the fact that...

PRETTY GIRL AND BOYFRIEND ARE BROOKE DAVIS AND LUCAS SCOTT, MOTHER FUCKERS!

ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE!

No matter who else uses those nicknames, they will always belong to them. You cannot kill the memory, so quit trying to, you jealous bastards!

So what else happened in this non-event of an episode? Right, Mouth and Millicent finding mutual understanding in how pathetic they both are (you just KNOW they are heading back down THAT path of lameness again!) Mia being a troll as per usual, only this time she actually admitted she was the cause of her break-up with Chase. Still, had to call Alex a bitch, didn't you? Serious case of hypocrisy there you butt-sniffing crack whore. I would rant further but I don't give enough of a damn to go through this inane storyline of Alex/Chase and Mia. Honestly, who gives a fuck?

But I do have to say... the man love this episode was a little disturbing. Nathan and Clay - there was always the vibe and this week we got the "I Love Yous." But nothing was more disturbing than Mouth and Chase and the knotted cherry tie that literally made me look at Mouth like he was some horny, old freak who was about to commit disgusting acts in public. EEEW! Get that fucking shit off my screen!

So, what are my parting words? Honestly, it goes to those bastard freaks on the CW lounge who told me "IN YOUR FACE" in a thread that wanted season 8 cancelled. Naturally, I was all for it, but they argued that I was delusional and not a true fan because the first episode raked in over 2.2 million and that was up on the end of last season.

FYI Dumbshits - 2.2 million is STILL ABYSMAL! But not as bad as the 1.9 million it got for last night's episode, so to all you little ass fuckers out there who jumped on me for my opinion, suck on that fat juicy one you dickheads! Muahahahahahahaha!

Also, lastly, congratulations to the 400,000 of you who jumped this sinking ship of a bullshit television show and decided not to return this week for another round of eye-abuse. I hope you enjoyed NCIS/Glee/DWTS and The Biggest Loser as they all rated much better than OTH did in the same time slot (by millions, I might add!) So, kudos!

Okay, so after a tiring week of tweeting, replying, reliving the Sophia-drama and second failed attempt at entertainment by the OTH team, we bid you adieu for another week and as always, would love to hear your opinions!!

Rant and Rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy.

OH ... Your opinion is Mucho Respected... :D

LOL... First of all... love you all dearly... even the coward who couldn't even leave their name. You make this blog possible. LOL... LOSER! hahaha!

Anyway, i need to address this before chris posts the review for the new episode:

I respect all your opinions.

Jennifer... You are allowed to have your own opinion. This might be the one and only time we ever disagree. I have no fucking idea why this blog sent you to spam but I corrected that. I will always respect - your opinion because you are bright and intelligent, Anyone who disagrees about how wonderful you are has to deal with ME. Grrrm lol!

That being said, i was brutal because honestly i am over the fandom. I only watch for this chick and she is seriously creating more ammo for crazy PUKERS to use in their psychotic arguements. I get that she dislikes BL, but well... sometimes an actress needs to know when to hold them, and know when to fold them... meaning her lips, "Hence the Sophia Bush: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" LOL!

Anyway... No bats and guns... unless we are SEYTON HATIN!


Michelle - LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF! I can't even discribe how hilarious this is. Your comment made me chuckle so hard! Seriously, i don't understand why she has so much control. Its really ashame that she cant just do her job and STFU!

Disgruntled Fan - Ditto My Kid, Ditto in deed!

Jess- You know I don't mind speaking my peace anymore than SB apparently does. So you are very welcome. See Ya in BANLAND!

Kasey- need I say more, Kitten. We'll chat later :P


Last but never least.......... Chris, you know how I feel. Love ya, Babe!



Much love Homies,
-Toddian

Sophia Bush: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP

Sophia - Beautiful, Talented, seemingly Intelligent Sophia - I don’t know if you are bored or just losing all your brain cells playing the now doormat, dumb as a rock Brooke Davis… but don’t you know WHEN to keep your mouth shut. True enough there is Freedom of speech and all that jazz but this is also your job and damn girl - Learn the meaning of Tact!

Gees, You’d think she would realize that majority of her fans WERE BLERs?

Does she think John Tucker Must Die earned her fans… LAUGHING MY FUCKIN ASS OFF, FOOL!

Now honestly, I have not wanted to comment of Sophia’s tweets because I used to adore the chick but the majority of you guys are either commenting about it or going off on other fan pages. And to be honest, I don’t blame anyone for it… If she can have an opinion so can everyone else.

I called chad Michael Murray out on his cheating all the time last year, not to mention his horrible acting… Seriously dude, who the hell ate your soul and shitted it out in the toilet?

Sophia Bush? LOL, yeah, right answer.

I get why people are upset. Don’t bash an entire fan base. Do all these other things:

1. The Whole Team Leyton on a BL t-shirt, I was willing to overlook cause I just don’t care enough about her personal life to give a shit. Ha-ha, when and if she ever hit Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie status - then I might give two shits, but hell, she’s on a dying show and I support my girl.

2. All this co-star dating - again see number 1. I mean, Both chad and she ruined BL… Naley fans hated the Brathan shit…. Which I hate too. And Boolian, well this new Brooke (who I suspect Sophia is creating not the writers- sucks cause I bet anything that in deleted scenes Julian takes huge dumps on her chest!) SUCKS MY HAIRY SWEATY BALLS!

3. Tree Hugging- nothing wrong with that unless it just started out of the blue and seems rather shady if you did nothing for Katrina victims but you care about GULF animals…. Again see Number 1... KINDA!

BUT THIS…. This girl just needs to shut the fuck up. We get it, you hate BRUCAS, you HATE CHAD, you HATE BL fans… don’t turn around condescendingly and say you love us. I don’t care either way.

LOL, as long as you aren’t Hillarie Skank-ASS Burton… I would forgive you anything. But Damn girl… shut the FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush you think you love Brooke more than we do because you portray her… Um, no you get paid to play her. We are the Masochists who root for a once AWESOME character who has been driven down by the writers into a SEYTON SANTANICA REPLICA and thus helping to write your pay checks for Free!

We certainly don’t get anything out of watching Brooke be treated like trash - so bitch please - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush, you’re beautiful but you actually think we care if you are happy with season 6 & 7... Your happiness doesn’t entertain anyone so - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

By the way SOPHIA BUSH zero IS a size, FOOL!

So SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Whenever you think of talking about BL just - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I don’t hate you but fool, I am starting to tire of the attention seeking BL hating bullshit.
Do I think you were wrong- DUH, but its your job to promote BOOlian even though the show is down the toilet with most probably your career, but again SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush - Wanna buy a can of SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush - you claim you talk to the writers season 6 & 7… (Dog eating heart season, Brooke becoming a doormat, Pimping Nasty ass aids infect PUCAS like this is actually reality) than please, if you want to take credit for that SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Actually, if you have that kind of Power (which I believe you do) Please tell them to Cancel this damn show! Or SHUT THE FUCK UP!
　
SOPHIA BUSH - you inferred that you came up with the “BL was a footnote to LP” than please SHUT THE FUCK UP!

JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP and do your job… love Brooke, but tired of you…

GIRL, SHUT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING TRAP THE FUCK UP, BITCH, DAYUM!

Finally… if you don’t agree, that’s ok. I dont hate you, speak your peace. But any person knows that whether you agree with what she said or not, she needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Much love Homies
-Toddian

“It’s Amazing How Far We’ve Fallen…” – Brooke Davis ain’t so stupid after all!

Rabbit sex talks, ghostly dreams, love triangles and mushy love scenes that make you reach for your vomit bucket? All in a day’s work on the set of One Tree Hill, and Season 8’s premiere episode didn’t let us down! And in true Mark fashion, because the douche couldn’t write something interesting even if it were to save his hairy gonads from being castrated, the very first scene had us rolling our eyes at the lameness that has become One Tree Hill and gave us an insight of the blatant bullshit we’re about to endure this season.

You know, it’s funny because I can still remember the days when this show used to have more than just couple storylines. There was angst for the brother’s Scott, friendship storylines (where oh where is BALEY?), family storylines and even colleague storylines. Yet everywhere I turned, this whole episode centered around COUPLES. Naley, Brulian, Chase/Alex/Mia and Clay/Quinn. Talk about boring as bat shit. I didn’t expect much from Mark, let’s face it, none of us do, but seriously… this guy has NO creativity what-so-ever and I cannot believe he gets paid to write such bullshit that reflects more a daytime soap opera these days than prime-time drama.

So where to begin? It’s all shit anyway, so might as well go through the apparent “coupling” stories we’re gonna be forced to endure for another 20 or so episodes.

So Nathan, Haley and that little ferret they like to call their son. Since apparently the only storylines they can have involve having spawn and then teaching said spawn about the birds and the bees, I can already feel a yawn fest coming on. Nathan’s little speech at the beginning about his dream of a son and his wife that is so far out of his league made me want to chuck. And don’t even get me started on the failed sex talk with his son. Man, did this guy turn into the biggest loser of Tree Hill or what? Guess he felt the need to fill the spot vacated by his stupid-ass brother. Speaking of… so Haley misses Lucas – welcome to the club honey.

We’ve been missing Lucas since season 3 when he decided to turn into the world’s largest fuck up.

The only thing I found even remotely interesting about this whole Naley bullshit? That they threw the doctor’s appointments in there – could they possibly be giving Nathan a storyline that doesn’t involve him stuck to Jamie like a fly on shit? Honestly, I’ve learnt my lesson when it comes to expecting anything even remotely resembling a decent storyline from the douche known as Mark.


And did anyone else roll their eyes at the fact that the very second word of the brand new season was LUCAS. Or the fact that Seyton’s name got mentioned twice along with her retarded (YES NATHAN - I SAID RETARDED – IF THE SHOE FITS…) husband all within the first six minutes? Schwahn needs therapy, seriously. Chad has moved on to the lifetime movie he is making (who called that stellar career??) and Hil has moved on to… well, no, she’s still spreading her legs about town and channeling the slutty instincts she had whilst playing Seyton. No wonder the douche thinks he’s in with a chance and can’t let her go. Still, some people were happy homage was paid to the original cast. I, on the other hand, thought it was lame.

Pucas are gone, their story is over – MOVE ON!

The only past homage I enjoyed was the return on the theme song. When I saw it, it felt like OTH for a brief moment in time. Then of course I was smacked back to reality like a bitch when the characters opened their mouths again and I realized that the days of a decent OTH episode really were over. Stupid cock-sucking Mark!

So Nathan’s on the road to the NBA and Haley is pregnant. The brief Baley scene was disturbing to say the least, and it brings me to...

Brulian. Boolian. Cut-my-eyes-out-so-I-don’t-have-to-witness-the-horror-of-this-couple- Brooke and Julian.

Whether it was the gag-worthy lines spewed back and forth between them, or lame attempt at trying to seem sexy and resemble something known as chemistry, it all ended up pointing to one thing – this couple is one giant pile of festering dog shit. Actually, leave the shit in the baking sun for a week and the crud that remains would more closely resemble Brooke and Julian. Someone ought to take Austin aside, show him clips of Chad and Sophia from seasons 1, 2 and 3 and then kindly instruct the big foreheaded tree hugger that THIS is what sexy chemistry actually looks like.

Oh, and also show him the scene of Bryan and his sexy ass back when poor Jake had to sleep with the she-devil herself. Watching Julian squash Brooke just didn’t have even an ounce of the sexiness that the very same move from Jake had 6 seasons prior. Austin, you may have taken the job as Julian for your beloved… but damn, you wouldn’t know what sexy was if it came along and slapped it’s dick against your big-ass forehead.

Now, Brooke. What has happened to you? You have become Julian’s sex slave, I swear. Please stop trying to force this chemistry on us. It’s about as interesting as watching paint dry. Also, why is it you can only seem to manage one set of emotions for each character? It’s always slutty/sad with Julian, angry/gnarly with Mummy dearest, and annoyed/melancholy with Millicent. Since you have like a five minute scene with Haley on the odd episode, you don’t even have time for an emotion with her and so we’re gonna skip that. Trying to distract us with the over-husky voice in some scenes doesn’t work anymore either.

This whole Brooke Davis character assassination seems to have been successful because I don’t see her anywhere anymore

And what’s with destroying the happy ending between her and Victoria last year by having Queen V lie about the company’s profits so that her toy boy’s line can be successful? What is with that shit, Schwahn? And having Brooke arrested for fraud without any proof of her wrong-doing or involvement is just plain retarded. Once again, we have to witness Brooke Davis lose everything and get chewed up and spat out by Mark.

Fuck you Schwahn, you cock-sucking piece of shit!

Speaking of cock-suckers, who else here was so glad to see Quinn bleed? The whole dream sequence was OTH bullshit writing at its best. Exactly how many characters have had death dream walks exactly? The unconscious experiences of the townspeople would have me questioning exactly what is in that damn river. I want Quinn to die so badly, but we both know that isn’t gonna happen. After all, with Seyton gone who else is gonna parade her slutty, flat-chested self around town? A skank void was definitely left and Quinn is needed to fill that void – apparently. Now someone should take her aside and show her exactly what it means to act sexy. Even Boolian (and we all know how much they suck) did the whole “Jump-on-my-back-as-I-pull-you-into-the-waves” scene better than Clay and Quinn. This show is so redundant. And what’s with Clay’s body these days? Not only was the face fat sucked, but clearly the abs have disappeared too. Yeah, choosing Quinn was a wise move, moron. Ugh, can’t even fathom what this show has turned Robert into.

What else? Oh right, the storyline of Alex, Chase and Mia that I could care less about. Honestly, I have to admit as much as I hated the skank last season, at least Alex is messing with someone I actually can’t stand this time. Mia, you need to check yourself pronto. YOU dumped Chase via text message sweetheart, it had nothing to do with Alex. Getting in Alex’s face and calling her a relationship destroyer may be fitting, but not in your case. You fucked up sweetheart, and you can’t blame the guy for wanting Alex more – you do have the face of a Chihuahua on crack who has been sniffing ass all day.

So in the end, what did we achieve from this season premiere that many of us were astonished was announced in the first place? Honestly – fuck all. Recycled scenes seem to have taken center-stage, relationships are the only things that have storyline potential it seems, and Brooke Davis has been given the raw end of the stick. Honestly Mark, your ass must be brutalized with the amount of sucking up you would have had had to do to get this rank show back on air.

So the famous words of Brooke Davis herself pretty much sum up the first episode of season 8…

“It’s amazing how far we’ve fallen.”

No shit, Sherlock!

Rant and Rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy.

How many loads of bullshit can you carry?

How to KILL a Television Network 101: Give OTH Two More Seasons...

So, it's been a while since this blog has come alive. Many of us have probably been enjoying the solace that comes with not having to endure the garbage trash that is a One Tree Hill episode. Summer seemed to look pretty good.

But then of course the douchebag known as Mark Schwahn opened his over-sized trap and spewed such bullshit onto our unsuspecting ears that I couldn't help but come on here and have a fucking rant.

No doubt you have all heard that the farce that is Season 8 has now been extended into a full-blown season. Gone is the amazing promise of a short season - we now have to endure 22 full episodes of this pile of shit. But to add insult to injury, the Crap Watch (aka CW) is now stabbing us in our guts by announcing that they are considering a season 9.

I hope you have your wheelbarrows ready because they are about to shovel some serious bullshit our way!

I am not one to say that I could run a television network, but fuck me, Schwahn must be sucking some serious cock if those big wigs think this show has anything left to offer. Where exactly can this fucking crap go from here? Season 7 proved that really, there is nowhere left for them to go. It was full of past stories that seemed to be rehashed and set upon new fucking characters.

Brooke Davis in another love triangle with a douche boyfriend choosing a lesser female over her?

Nathan with more basketball woes and hoes?

Haley singing, then not singing, then falling pregnant. (Oh yeah, add a random dead Dad and no dead Mom and you've got... Peyton Sawyer? She has two dead parents too - right?)

A couple with no chemistry what-so-ever in Clay and Quinn - ala Pucas. I swear, more people cried tears of joy than sorrow when these bitches were shot. Unfortunately, they fucking killed off Haley's Mom last season so the likelihood of Queen McBeak falling off our radars is slim to none. Bastards.

Mouth and women troubles - YEAH, cos a dude as fug as THAT has any chance with the women he seems to pick up. Oh wait, he stabbed his friend in the back to get her - running theme in this show... and still, something we've seen before.

So please tell me, what exactly do we have to look forward to here?

Brooke and Julian are now engaged. Whoop-di-fucking-doo. No one even likes this fucking couple. And exactly WHAT are they supposed to do now? She makes her own dress, they have bachelorette and bachelor parties with their 5 friends and they say I do. Oh, but let's not forget that Julian, the big-foreheaded McGee, will probably be up Alex's ass half the time and Brooke will continue to flood the town with her barrage of tears. Yeah, I can really see that lasting 22 episodes and then some if they gain another season. Also, they'll possibly throw a miracle baby her way and make the 5% of viewers who enjoy Pucas believe that their Queen B-itch is coming home.

FYI - she cheated on her producer husband and got knocked up. Spreading legs isn't the way to be invited back on a show... I pray Schwahn takes his lips off the cock he's currently sucking long enough to actually listen to what her ex-husband wants - her far, far away from this show.

So really, this couple is going nowhere. So that leaves them to prop the other lame characters they have on this show. I wonder what they'll do? Have Brooke cheer Alex on in taking Chase. Maybe they'll even have Haley's on Mia's side. Maybe the writers will get a clue and realise no one gives a fuck about this bullshit story they seem to be trying to develop. Alex/Chase/Mia? I say we put them in a room, lock the door and have them eat each other to stay alive! Or better yet...

I think I should buy a fucking dictionary, look up the word boring, highlight it, and send it to Mark with a note that says "Season 4 onwards..."

And then there's Naley. Well, by the end of last season we really saw what point they had come to with this couple. When all else fails, knock a bitch up. Riiiight, because we feel like seeing someone go through a pregnancy storyline again. Seriously, is there really nothing more you can do with this couple? All Haley seems to be able to do in sing and lay on her back. And do we really want another mutant like Jamie running around the town? What name will they steal from another character next to give to the new kid - hmm.. Davis hasn't been used yet. How fucking original. Clearly, baby books were never used in this town. Either that, or Mark Schwahn thinks so highly of himself that he has to regurgitate characters names over and over again. The originality of this man astounds me - and this prick gets two more seasons? Wtf?

We're told we have to face facts, that these guys are adults now and this is what adults do - get married, have babies, start multi-million dollar fashion companies, get multi-million dollar basketball careers, have multi-million dollar singing careers... oh I'm sorry, you're right, that is all SOOOOO realistic. And all in one group of friends from one small town.

Well, if this is all about turning into an adult show, someone might want to let the mods on the CW boards know this. PG13... we can't talk about shit there! Also, you might want to stop making everyone into a giant douchebag - where I'm from, by now Julian would have his fucking balls in a blender, Haley would be in a mental ward, Brooke would be bitch-slapped for being such a fucking pushover, and Nathan would be told to get a real fucking job (I've never seen a professional sports star home so much in my life). Also, his agent would be flat out fired for life for fucking his sister in-law. Just saying.

So, at the end of this rant all I have to say is... FUCK THE CW NETWORK AND FUCK MARK SCHWAHN!
Really, another full season of this crap, possibly two?

Rant away people,

Toddian and Chrissy

OTH Season 7 Finale - Schwahn's Answer to Insomnia...

Need help sleeping? Watch the finale of One Tree Hill and you'll be off in the land of zzz's in no time!

But since I was not fortunate enough to need a sleeping pill in the form of a lame episode... I just have to say...

I knew there was a reason I liked Katie so much!

It's a sad day indeed when the best part of a finale is the final 40 seconds, but sitting through that torturous garbage was almost worthwhile when I got to see the evil succubus known as Quinn James cop one in the gut! Please, for the love of all that is fair and decent...

KILL OFF QUINN JAMES!

Yes, we finally managed to reach the season finale, and in true Tree Hill style (circa season 4 and beyond) not only was it a complete let down in every conceivable way, but the hour of my life that I will never get back also made it abundantly clear that Mark must be sucking some serious dick in order to gain himself another season of this television series. I mean really, this was nothing more than a bland and lifeless way to end this ridiculous season of One Lame Hill.

Whether it was the cliche one-liners, gag-worthy "I Love Yous" or annoying Pimp My Julian story lines, this final episode was nothing but a fucking snooze fest! So, let's get this dribble over with so we can go on living our lives...

Not even sure where to start because sifting through shit was never my strong point. Bottom line though - this episode was so fucking boring!

If the finale were a movie - I'd demand a fucking refund and sue them for fraud for calling this show entertainment!

So... Naley. What the fuck happened to this couple? During the week I had to deal with a fuck stick who decided to vehemently deny that Haley was trying to kill herself. Well, what the fuck do you call throwing yourself into a pool in order to "feel something"? My question would be what the fuck would have happened if Nathan hadn't come jumping into the pool to drag your dumb ass out of the pool, huh? Todd got it right when he said to me "If she wants to feel something, she should just fuck her husband..." which I am in total agreement about! At least then no more lives are lost in this lame storyline and Haley's character remains in tact. This version of Haley is the worst I've fucking seen her and not what I'd call entertainment.

Nathan was a waste of space in this episode because really, he did fuck all. I'm not even gonna get started on Jamie being in this so damn much either because I hate the little ferret... and lucky us, we get to have another James baby on the way because apparently that's the only fucking storyline that Mark wants to give Naley - they get boring, knock Haley up. I'm sure we all called this shit weeks ago when Mama James croaked - Haley would have a girl and name it after her Mom. I rolled my eyes when I saw that, and I just knew this show wasn't even going to try and redeem itself.

And who else thought that whole owl-thing was just pure shit? Like, there were no words for how stupid that was. Of course the idea came from dumb-ass Quinn, and I expect that stupidity from the shows poster-child airhead, but really Haley? Everything is going to be okay because your lame older sister believed your dead mom was reincarnated as an owl and you saw one?

What is this shit?

Speaking of airheads, Quinn James has got to be the biggest fail on this show (second or third only to perhaps Seyton herself and the garbage that was Pucas!) How dumb does a bitch have to be? Not only did I have to stop myself from chucking with all the "I love you" crap being thrown between Quinn and Clay, but how many times do I have to see that nasty hooker in a bikini on this damn show? I thought with snow and all I might be safe, but no, that tranny had to get her shit out all over my screen again and traipse through the bitter winter in front of an unsuspecting public? Word to the wise (cos clearly Mark needs help seeing properly) - Quinn ain't hot in the slightest, and if I want to stab my eyes out just to avoid seeing her stamp her skanky ass around, then clearly she doesn't belong on my damn screen!

Quinn James is nasty and as dumb as dog shit!

But maybe not as dumb as Brooke. After fawning over her lame-ass director boyfriend for the last four episodes, we got rewarded for our loyalty by watching her say "Yes" to what was perhaps the stupidest proposal I'd ever seen. Not only did the rock look like it had come out of a gumball machine, but he didn't even propose properly.

"Marry me, Brooke Davis."

Demanding much? I should have known when he gave her that ultimatum in season 6 he was fucking stupid and not about thinking of his woman, but Brooke Davis has wanted this for how long and that's what she gets? He gets down on his knee after demanding, and she said yes to that bullshit? So far that douche has only gotten one thing right this entire season - and that was his comment about his hair being mean because his forehead took up too much space. The rest of him and his story lines have been boring and useless, and the fact that he has managed to drag down the best character on this show and reduced her to a Seyton-esque doormat has got to be the biggest fucking tragedy this show has ever allowed to happen.

R.I.P Brooke Davis - it was good while it lasted!

So was there anything I actually liked?

Chase and Alex were surprisingly tolerable. Perhaps it's because he makes her seem semi-decent, or perhaps it was because she's not as annoying as fake-tits Mia. Either way, I should have known better than to start to possibly like them, because in true Seyton-style, Mia has come crawling back like the lame bitch she is and messing shit up. Seriously, what is with this show and hoes? Mia looks too disgusting now for me to even discuss (she should ask for her money back on that bad boob job), but I am seriously not in the mood for another triangle on this unoriginal show! Chase should pick Alex and send Mia back on tour with that loser Grubbs.

Mouth and Skills - at least Mouth chose his friend, but I'd seriously question his loyalty. Once a pig, always a pig - just ask Seyton! Also, I don't care about this story. At all.

So... what do we have? Another finale with lives hanging in the balance. Seriously, does Mark not sit down and consider how he ends his previous seasons or does he get his ideas off a cereal box? Look at this shit:

Season 1 - Dan and his heart attack.
Season 2 - Dan and the dealership fire.
Season 4 - Nathan, Lucas and Rachel in the lake.
Season 5 - Dan and his bad heart.
Season 6 - Seyton and her evil spawn.
Season 7 - Quinn and Clay shot.

I feel the only reason season 3 didn't get a finale with someone in mortal danger was because Keith croaked near the finale... same idea though. LAME LAME LAME!

And the network gave this shit another season to torture the public with? Mother fuckers! I mean, even Gossip Girl's finale scored higher ratings for their finale... wake up CW! This show is fucking crap and an eighth season is just embarrassing.

I miss The WB... back when television was good :(

So... what did I learn about this season in retrospect? Well, it appears Mark doesn't give a flying fuck about the loyal fans of the girls in this show. Unless you're a Seyton fan, you've got buckley's chance of your favorite chick character staying true to herself. Haley and her depression storyline was pure shit, and apparently it gets fixed with an owl and a bun in the oven.

Brooke Davis got swallowed into the abyss that is Julian Baker and hasn't been since. I'm considering posting LOST posters, but what would be the point? I don't feel like searching Julian's ass to find her, and we all know her lips have been attached to that thing for the past few episodes... so I'm coming to terms with the fact that Brooke Davis is gone. One Tree Hill is gone. The magic of Naley is gone... and my patience for this show is gone for good.

My only hope is that perhaps Quinn James can be gone too and we might have something to look forward to.

However, with the drama Haley has gone though lately, we all know that has a slim chance of happening. So what else is there to say except...

FUCK YOU MARK SCHWAHN!

Rant and rave peeps!

Toddian & Chrissy