OTH - Schwahn's Newest Sleeping Pill Alternative!

Welcome to Snore-ville. Please leave your appreciation for entertainment at the door!

I've been sitting here staring at this flashing cursor that's telling me it's time to write, for about twenty solid minutes now. Time to rant, rave and review the latest episode of One Tree Hill. Time to vent about all the things that I hated about this show. Maybe even talk about a few of the things I liked? (Yeah, I chuckled a little at the thought too!) But what do you do when, quite simply, you are so fucking tired of repeating yourself over and over again? When the very thing you are supposed to blog about is actually so beyond boring and useless that you feel like you're just going to be saying the same shit over and over again?

I think I need to call Mark and ask him how he doesn't get bored using the same storylines in his show over and over again? Because I sure as fuck am tired of watching it!

So I guess this rant will be brief. Or it will channel Mark and feel like the same bullshit is being said all over again. At least you know for that, I am actually sorry!

So we started with Haley writing to Lucas again. I'm tired of this - as if the show wasn't repetitive enough, I now have to endure the same opening all the time. I guess they tried to change it up with the new renditions of the theme song, but you all already know how I feel about this. And can I just say, tonight's one was the worst of the lot. Sounded like some creepy, dirty old man singing drunk at a bar. I felt the need to sanitize myself after it. I actually did, honestly. YUCK!

As for Pucas possibly returning, which seems to be a highly discussed topic because a good 80% of viewers do NOT want to see this happen, we all know by now that Mark is doing this to keep Pucas lovers watching. Kinda like how he kept us BLers glued by pretending that BL may happen again, when the cock-sucking bastard knew it was never a possibility. Sadly though, it seems the jerk off wants this hell-couple back on the box. I'm sure their lucrative careers in lifetime shows and b-grade movies are fascinating, but let's get real here. If Sophia hated working with her douche ex so much, why would he come back? If the rumours about pay checks and bad blood on set and Hilarie cheating on her husband are true - why have them back? Is Mark really that self-centered?

Did I really just ask that question? This show is draining the life and sense out of me. Watching 40 minutes of it every week is actually making me dumber.

Bottom line - I don't want them back. They left, fucked off into oblivion with their demon child, just fucking piss off and stop torturing us already. Can you imagine Seyton and Quinn on the same screen Ugh, just the thought makes me want to vomit.

Speaking of vomiting due to visual abuse by the television, who else wanted to strangle Mia? A voodoo doll, really? How pathetic are you, you washed-up, dog-faced bitch? YOU dumped Chase. YOU were so tacky you did it via text message. YOU DID IT! Alex may be a bitch, not saying she isn't, but she doesn't deserve the stinking shit of hypocrisy and blame-shifting you seem to be serving. Also, really, just like that she can play at a festival after being off the music scene for months? Does Mark ever think about how unrealistic his storylines are? Does anyone even give a shit about Haley and Mia going to that other lame show with she-devil Liz from Roswell? I don't even care enough to remember the name of it.

So Mia sucks. I hate her. I was enjoying watching her suffer at the hands of Alex and Chase, who I could stand. And of course, they fuck that up. They make it seem like Chase might be the guy Alex could change for, and bam, she's now some liar and he's done. If they put him back with Mia, so help me god, I am going to scream.

GET THAT DAMN BITCH OFF MY SCREEN!

Nathan and Haley - what's with the extra cheese? I'm bored with their scenes. I'm bored with the way they are dragging out Nathan's retirement. He played for what, a year? No one gives a fuck about you dude, seriously. You play for the fucking Bobcats. And really, how long do we have to wait to see what happens next? The question keeps being asked, we're all waiting for an answer. A sign. ANYTHING! This show is going nowhere. And Nathan pimping Mouth and how great he is at the beginning, then having Julian fawn over him and once more, Nathan again. Where the fuck is Millicent? That's her fucking job. I don't care about this rodent, and the condoms? Ew. Mouth and condoms should never be in the same scene unless you wanna promote abstinence. seriously.

Clay and Quinn. I was going to say that.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *drool* *snore* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *wakes up*. Oh I'm sorry, I guess this super-lame snore-fest couple does that to me. If I have to hear one more time about how much they love each other I think I'm gonna get on a plane, walk into the house and finish the fucking job Katie started. Really? How long do they think they can keep playing with my gag reflexes like this? Yeah, let's throw a parade and a fucking party cos some dude who got shot walked out of the hospital. Let's dress up our girlfriend and parade in front of all the sick patients how we can walk outta here and all you guys are still stuck in hell. Nice work, how very thoughtful off you. Maybe the remaining sick patients can clean up the never-ending confetti that came out of Jamie-ferret's fat-ham hand too! This couple just need to get the fuck off my screen, pronto! Just because you say you love each other all the time and throw out the cheesiest lines known to man, doesn't make your chemistry or supposed love story believable. You're boring. Fuck off!

Brooke Davis. I think Julian says her name like this so he can remember. He does seem to be pretty docile. Well, Brooke Davis, why haven't you asked Haley to be your matron of honor? You are the godparent of her child after all. It's the least you could do. Glad she stood up to her Mom, but seriously, how many times are these lame writers going to have them make up, fight, make up, fight... either Victoria is a good Mom or she's not. Either she did this for her daughter because she loves her, or she thinks she's stupid. You cannot redeem a character only to destroy her again - that's why people hate Seyton. You think you would learn from your mistakes.

Wait, this is Mark Schwahn. Nevermind.

So you don't get to have red velvet cupcakes. Note, woman - they suck balls anyway! Would I have liked to see Brooke get her dream wedding - yes? Honestly, yes. Because the character has been bitch-slapped by Mark for far too long now (thanks for that too, Sophia!) I'm tired of the mopey, sad face all the time (No Julian, sad Brooke isn't beautiful - at least, not as beautiful as feisty, happy Brooke, so shut the fuck up, you lame-o). But let's be realistic here again for a minute - even if she got married in McDonald's it would still be classier than the hick-trash wedding of Pucas.

So, at the end of this episode what did we learn?

1 - Haley is pregnant and writing letters to Lucas.

2 - Jamie is grounded.

3 - Nathan is retiring.

4 - Mia can't get over Chase and is acting like a puss-infected boil on everyone's ass.

5 - Brooke is giving up her company and personal wealth to pay back investors and apparently can't have her dream wedding.

6 - Julian is asking the question "What comes next?"

7 - Clay and Quinn keep spurting out "I Love Yous" because we don't hear enough of them and they got shot.

8 - Victoria is in prison.

9 - Mouth has no job and is acting like a freak.

10 - Alex is an actress.

And they think this series is progressive? My fucking ass it is!

We're left at the exact same spot as last week. Or was it the week before? It all seems like the same bullshit to me.

So that is it for the week. Not much to say because there's not much to watch. I feel I'm just repeating myself continuously and unlike Mark, that's not okay with me. The only good thing about this episode was the first song. Greg Laswell is the man!

Until next week's shitfest,

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy

Definition of Boring: One Tree Hill Post Season 3

So there was this one thought that crossed my mind as I was watching this week's episode of One Tree Hill. Surprisingly, it wasn't in the vicinity of "When will this shit be over?", or "Really Mark, really?", or even "Thank fucking god I got through an episode with Mouth, Millicent, Mia and Jamie/Ferret molesting my eyes." (although for the latter I was actually quite grateful). No, this week I sat there, having my eyes abused by this crapfest of a show, and all I could think about is...

What the fuck am I going to blog about?

Truly, this episode was about as enthralling as the past 4+ seasons have been... and that ain't saying much! Last week I complained about how this show didn't seem to move the story forward at all. This week, again, it seems to have come to a complete standstill, although for some reason they think that by having everything seemingly depressing and emotional, people will want to see this show as something more than what it is.

And to think Sophia actually nominated herself for an emmy for this bullshit?

So, where do we begin? Of course, Haley is doing her voiceover to Lucas. Honestly though, these intros are wearing a little thin. In fact, they are almost as annoying as the new theme song every week. Like really, why do you have to mess with a good thing? The only thing these "Dear Lucas" intros are doing is giving false hope to people who will not let go of the idea of Pucas returning for Brooke's magical wedding to Julia. Yes, Julia - because he's acting like such a soft-cock these days I'm beginning to doubt he even has a dick.

So let's get into this Brooke storyline, shall we? I hate to say it, but this whole "losing the company" thing is just getting on my last damn nerve. Sure, it was unrealistic to have everyone in Tree Hill be so damn successful, but honestly, Nathan and Brooke were the only two, since high school, who actually showed any promise in what they did - in my opinion. Sure, Haley can sing, but so can a lot of people out there and let's face it, Bethany Joy isn't exactly steaming up the charts with that miraculous voice of hers. So, in perspective, I felt Brooke's success was actually warranted. Nathan's too.

Now here I am, season 8 and once again dealing with Brooke hitting rock bottom. Losing everything. Mother in prison, company gone - and now apparently, not a cent to her name because she wants to pay back investors. Classy move on her part, no doubt, but really Mark? A multi-million dollar company isn't worth enough to pay back investors? Where is the realism in that big, fat piece of fluff lie? You build Brooke up to be successful, and as a fan I was happy seeing as you seemed hell-bent on snuffing out any other form of happiness that came her way - but now she's not as grand as you lead us to believe? We're supposed to buy that she isn't worth millions - when you have painted that picture of the company many times over?

What the fuck is your problem? Seyton is gone, she got her lame ass, unrealistic happy ending - but again you decide to make Brooke suffer. Apparently happiness just isn't what you feel she deserves. Or her fans.

I have to question why Mark even bothers trying to come off as anything other than a self-serving, arrogant fuckstick.

Naley and Brooke fanbases have given you an extra season, when really, you should have hung up your hat. You're being kept in clean jocks because of their loyalty. Is it THAT hard for you to let Brooke be happy? If Seyton can survive two stalker attacks, a shooting and a spawn that realistically SHOULD have killed her, not to mention have a successful record label... is it really so much to ask that Brooke gets something? ANYTHING?

You really are a sadistic, piece of shit - aren't you Mark Schwahn?

But not only do I have to endure watching Brooke lose everything, but Nathan too? This blow isn't as harsh in my opinion, because he will still have his wealth accumulated and a wife who is just as successful. Not to mention he can still have children. Oh, and his mother isn't in the slammer. The only thing I can say regarding Nathan's storyline is "Can this basketball yo-yo storyline please be over now?" I am so tired of Nathan being this one-dimensional character who does fuck all except play basketball and deliver cheesy romance lines that make me cringe. I'm sure Naley fans love it, but really, it's boring as hell for those of us who aren't hardcore fans of the couple.

Clay and Quinn. Must I say anything except... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Move the fuck on. This couple sucks, no one cares about them. After pimping them as some great love story since season 7, this storyline has bitten the dust. we simply do not give a fuck. and the fact that they keep repeating how they're gonna be together and happy always, you know something is coming around the corner that will be miraculously resolved by the end of the season. PATHETIC! This couple sucks and I cannot believe that a show that used to have the epic couple of Brucas has fallen so far as to think a couple like Succubus and Sunken Face can compare. Go home writers, you deserve to be fired for this bullshit!

Alex and Chase. They had some sweet moments and I have to say I prefer them to Clay/Quinn. Hell, I'm just happy they're keeping him away from the barking Chihuahua Mia. But really, she never loved anyone? How am I supposed to buy that bullshit when she spent all of last season saying she was in love with Julian? Fucking hell, she tried to kill herself because she thought she couldn't have him - but now she's saying she's never felt in love?

Excuse me why I go empty this bucket of bullshit you just tried to throw in my face.

Whilst it's true One Tree Hill needed a reality check when it came to the successes of their characters, to jump from one extreme to the next is beyond ridiculous. Brooke's gesture was kind, but ultimately it is the investors who take the risk when putting money into a project. Legally, Brooke is not liable. Why couldn't they have just let this storyline go, and have her rebuild again? I wanted to see fighter Brooke Davis - not this mopey version of her that they're using to replace the pathetic character that exited at the end of season 6. I'm sure Karen and Andy have thrown her overboard by now after enduring her constant whining.

So... what comes next? Good question, Julian. Hopefully an episode that knows what direction "forward" is.

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy

Welcome to the Clay & Quinn Show

And they thought this was going to get them ratings? Someone needs some common sense, pronto!

Okay, it's official. I wanna know who is in charge of Mark's brain now that Seyton has left the building? I spent six seasons getting used to it being all about Peyton and her happy ending, her happy life, her not paying for the skanky moves and backstabbing actions she committed throughout the series. Mark Schwahn had a boner for Hilarie and we all knew it. Hell, she probably sucked him off daily just to get things done her way. But how on Earth did the succubus Quinn manage to get everything to be about her?

Perhaps he really does have a thing for anorexic, duck-faced bitches?

So once again we're back for round three of the painful eighth series of One Lame Hill. I have to admit, this particular episode made me angrier than the previous two and I cannot believe Mark thinks he is so above and beyond reproach that he thought this lump of crap was actually worth the 44 minutes of my life it consumed. I would have been better off dedicating that time to picking my nose than enduring this pathetic excuse for a show.

What made me so angry? I think it was partly due to the fact that this whole episode seemed to move the story forward all of maybe, 4 inches. Not even a dick from the heavens would be satisfying at that size! Seriously, we are no better off at the end of this episode than we were the end of the previous one. It stuck us in a stale, non-mobile state of watching the most boring couple on the show take center stage with their drama that really, let's face it, no one gives two flying fucks about!

So, we endured Haley and Nathan expressing their feelings for the entire episode. Unfortunately, as sweet as some of their scenes were, they were ALL centered around Clay and Quinn. To watch every single character that appeared today have their story dictated by this chemistry-lacking couple, who barely know the majority of them, was beyond ridiculous. But on top of that, the whole Naley storyline seemed to have ceased when it came to her sister and his manager. So basically, the majority of scenes were set in the hospital, but neither the conversations or interactions had any real impact on the show. Honestly, they were pretty much boring throughout.

I was excited to see Nathan at the hospital in a previous episode - and now we find out his back is degenerating. Interesting, but yet again, Nathan's storyline is focused on basketball. The worst part? His admission was put on the back burner for the rest of the episode because it had no bearing on Clay and Quinn's storyline. We got a whole two minutes dedicated to it before Clay was mentioned again. Since when have Naley's storylines EVER been less important than a couple like Quinn and Clay? Oh that's right, since season 7 when this fucking absurdity began. Really, they were probably the most enlightening part of the whole episode, and it's become abundantly clear, that only the hardcore Naley fans are the ones excited to see this show week in and week out. I think even they would have been pissed off at the episode this week.

Then we have the drama with COB, Brooke, Millicent and Victoria. So, Victoria is off to jail instead of Brooke and she gets to keep her company. Funny how people were going nuts at Brooke for trusting her mother and calling her a dumbass on the CW boards. I'd like to see their Mom go to the slammer for them. Bitches. Although, I have to admit that this seems like a fair punishment, as it was actually Victoria who did it. Perhaps Millicent should get into trouble too though, since she forged just as many signatures, or at least knew about what was going down. Conspiracy, I believe they call it. However, the only thing that actually annoyed me about this particular storyline, was the fact that due to the immense time spent of having the characters run around Quinn and Clay like ferrets on crack for the entire episode, this storyline was only dedicated ten minutes of the ep in total. Someone like Victoria, who has been around longer than Quinn and Clay, went to prison and the writers could give two shits about that.

There's a reason you only got 1.9mil last week... time to wake up to yourselves, don't ya think?

Add to that, Brooke and Julian babysat Jamie for the day, and they had a few scenes together that spoke about their situation, but honestly, their screen time was so limited that anything they said was not pivotal to the storyline. It went nowhere. And the mentioning of them being good parents by Chubby Checker Scott makes me wonder why adoption hasn't been addressed? Or fostering, since Brooke took care of Sam and Angie. We get that this storyline isn't going away - so fucking do something with it. Don't rush it at the end and make it another copy of the lame celebrity couple who bought their baby.

Although I was grateful for the limited Julian.

What else pissed me off? Oh right, the blatant stealing of storylines. Patrick Swayzee would be turning in his grave at the fact that Mark Schwahn STOLE the idea of Ghost for this episode. Really, Ghosts talking to one another, helping each other out? Stuck between living and dying completely.

And who else just KNEW that the Will dude helping him out was gonna die and then TA DA, he's an organ donor.

BITCH PUH-LEASE! Just like I said on the CW boards - Y&R called and they want their unbelievable soap opera storylines back!

Like really, not only are we supposed to believe that some bitch gets shot, lays there bleeding out for 12 hours but miraculously wakes up the next day - but now we're supposed to believe that the guy that got shot with her, bled out for twelve hours, had failing kidneys and needed a transplant, got put on life support cos his organs were shutting down and he couldn't breathe on his own... is alive and kicking a week later?

BITCH PUH-LEASE x 2! This may be your version of heaven Quinn-tessential-idiot James, but this is our kind of soap digest HELL!

More annoying traits of the episode? Oh right, apparently not only are we subjected to Haley writing to Lucas at the beginning of every episode (I'm sorry, but you cannot replace the originality of Lucas Scott voiceovers, get a clue dickheads), but Mark thinks apparently messing with the new theme song is some genius, artistic idea. Who else wanted to turn it down for not only the sheer volume (we get it - crap still sounds crap at high decibels) but for how shameful it is to mess with Gavin's song like that? Bad move, Marky Mark. The Funky Bunch writers of yours let us down big time.

Fucking with a theme song is like Pucas - it just ain't right!

And Mouth and Millicent - awkward moment and then no addressing the storyline again for the rest of the episode. It was like a drive by shooting, only no aftermath. I was about to say "What the Fuck" but then realized that the storyline was focused on some other steaming turd-pile couple and my senses returned. Or my gag-reflex - it was one of the two.

Speaking of steaming turds, having Mouth podcast throughout the episode may have paid homage to previous years, but really, again - you cannot replace Lucas Scott narration with someone like Marvin McFadden throwing out sports quotes and eventually linking them all to Clay. Apparently, we need overly-obvious analogies to understand what Mark was trying to convey this episode. And what is with people repeating each other's lines? Once or twice is artistic - continually all episode is just plain annoying. We're not slow, and although our sanity is questionable because we subject ourselves to this bullshit out of some sense of loyalty, we're not crazy - we don't need to be told what is happening throughout the episode like we're toddlers trying to understand.

The good points - no mention of Seyton (HURRAH - FINALLY!), and no Alex/Chase and that FUG PUG Mia. It was a nice change. Although honestly, I would have settled for them and their stupid storyline over Clay and Quinn. Now that both are alive and well, maybe they can fuck off from my screen for a while and give my poor, tortured eyes a rest? Would we ever be so lucky?

So, at the end of the rubbish episode, I'm left doing two things. Going ape-shit on the cw at fuckers who bitch at me for wanting this show cancelled (you like it, so how stable are you, really?), and ranting to you people, the ones who actually have a brain and will speak the truth to the very end.

Oh, and FYI to all those crazies who keep begging to have Chad and Hil come back - Chad just signed onto a new movie, so not sure sure about your chances for that one. And yes, there IS a huge grin on my face right now!

So rant and rave people!

Much love,

Toddian and Chrissy

If Only This WAS a Dream - The Nightmare of OTH Continues...

DREAM SEQUENCES DIDN'T PREVENT THIS SHOW FROM BEING ONE NIGHTMARE TO WATCH!

So in the wake of the Sophia-Gate Scandal, OTH returned with it's second installment of shit shovelling for the new season last night. I admit, I came into this week not giving two shits about anything concerning this show anymore. Never-the-less, due to this blog and the many of you who come and rant to us each week so faithfully, here we are once again voicing our opinions of the farce that is OTH. So here's the LOWdown (and we mean low, cos this show is just utter garbage now) on what happened in that wasted hour of my life.

Of course, we go no further than one and half minutes and already Lucas and Peyton's names are mentioned. Honestly, I nearly gave up on this bullshit right then and there. I seemed to remember this fug, limp-dick tv writer/producer known as Mark Douchebag Schwahn reiterating last season that constantly bringing up Lucas and Peyton would be a detriment to the show because it needed to start fresh, move on and survive in spite of their departures. Well, guess that went down the shitter along with his creativity. Once again we are subjected to a melancholy Haley explaining to Lucas just how much she misses the dickhead who didn't bother to turn up to her mother's funeral. She misses the fake-blonde bulimic bitch (Lindsay Strauss, amen to you sister) who basically did jack crap to make Haley's life ANY better, and she misses other past characters who have died, moved on and left this steaming turd of a show in the dust. Yes, their names needed to be mentioned because...

*insert crickets*.

Is it really necessary to mention any of these lifetime-movie-bound degenerates anymore? Seriously, we DON'T give a fuck! After throwing countless people our way in order to replace them, it seems rather stupid to be bringing them back up now to pimp a show that many people have abandoned. Seriously, there are only two possible outcomes for this: the anti-LP fans will roll their eyes and curse the high heavens for even mentioning the gruesome twosome, and the Pukers will cry out in despair for teasing them with the obvious name drops.

MOVE THE FUCK ON!

And apparently because we didn't get enough of the overly-sad and emotional Haley last season, it is of course the now pregnant Mrs Nathan Scott who stumbles upon the bodies of her sister and Clay. Not even the attempt at fancy camera work and eerie music could stop me from laughing at the scene. Of all people to find them, it had to be Haley. I thought she was gonna run and throw herself off the side off the balcony. But for some reason, she held it together. Yes, apparently watching your Mom get the chance to say goodbye and pass on with her whole family surrounding her is much more traumatic that seeing your sister shot and bleeding out on the floor. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at this. Not to mention, twelve hours plus after the shooting they find them, and we're supposed to believe Quinn wakes up that same day? I'm sorry, but constantly having people say "It's a miracle they're even alive" doesn't change the fact that this storyline is complete horse shit!

I had to admit though, I found myself getting into the dream sequences. The lines were great, the scenery was beautiful, having Ghost Quinn and Clay figure out what happened to them and watching over their friends was really nice... until that sense of deja-vu set in and I realized this fucking storyline is so played out they have buskers in the street playing it for loose change! Really, Clay is going to take on the role of Keith and guide Quinn (who has taken on the role of Lucas/Karen/Dan), through the events and reasons as to why she needs to go back to the people who need her? Really Mark, THIS is what you get paid for? Hell, why don't we summon Demi Moore and see if they did it as well as Patrick Swayze did in Ghost back in 1990. This storyline is an EPIC FAIL!

Then moving on to Brooke's story lines, which are just as boring (but at least not romantically). So your Mom forged your name on documents that could get you sent to prison. And Millicent knew about it. And chucking a tantrum in the back office of your store is really going to help with that. I'm sorry, but as an owner of a company you need to have better business sense than that. I knew people were going to jump ALL OVER her line about being spoken to like a twelve, then eight year old. Honestly Sophia, you sure you want to claim input on this character? She's getting DUMBER by the minute. She gets props ONLY for the Baley scenes. They felt like a glimmer of the old school OTH and have been few and far between. Unfortunately, the huge gaps between seeing them have made them lose their appeal and they just don't have the same spark anymore.

Speaking of failed sparks, I was more than happy to have limited Boolian scenes. Julian and Jamie together were great - I got to skip through two of the most annoying characters on the show at the same time! Seriously though, I am so sick of hearing about what a dag Julian was in high school. Get the fuck over it, freak! I know these writers want it to seem like a fairytale that the nerd can get the popular girl later in life, but damn, I just cannot see Julian as anything other than a big-foreheaded mongrel who abused Brooke abominably in season 6 in regards to Alex and his precious script, and paid no restitution for it. He got a Seyton Free-Pass! WHAT THE FUCK? And now because he hangs out with a kid all day and starts acting like a sad, pathetic loser I'm supposed to like him again? Wrong, dickheads! Also, abusing the "Pretty Girl" name again still won't deter from the fact that...

PRETTY GIRL AND BOYFRIEND ARE BROOKE DAVIS AND LUCAS SCOTT, MOTHER FUCKERS!

ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE!

No matter who else uses those nicknames, they will always belong to them. You cannot kill the memory, so quit trying to, you jealous bastards!

So what else happened in this non-event of an episode? Right, Mouth and Millicent finding mutual understanding in how pathetic they both are (you just KNOW they are heading back down THAT path of lameness again!) Mia being a troll as per usual, only this time she actually admitted she was the cause of her break-up with Chase. Still, had to call Alex a bitch, didn't you? Serious case of hypocrisy there you butt-sniffing crack whore. I would rant further but I don't give enough of a damn to go through this inane storyline of Alex/Chase and Mia. Honestly, who gives a fuck?

But I do have to say... the man love this episode was a little disturbing. Nathan and Clay - there was always the vibe and this week we got the "I Love Yous." But nothing was more disturbing than Mouth and Chase and the knotted cherry tie that literally made me look at Mouth like he was some horny, old freak who was about to commit disgusting acts in public. EEEW! Get that fucking shit off my screen!

So, what are my parting words? Honestly, it goes to those bastard freaks on the CW lounge who told me "IN YOUR FACE" in a thread that wanted season 8 cancelled. Naturally, I was all for it, but they argued that I was delusional and not a true fan because the first episode raked in over 2.2 million and that was up on the end of last season.

FYI Dumbshits - 2.2 million is STILL ABYSMAL! But not as bad as the 1.9 million it got for last night's episode, so to all you little ass fuckers out there who jumped on me for my opinion, suck on that fat juicy one you dickheads! Muahahahahahahaha!

Also, lastly, congratulations to the 400,000 of you who jumped this sinking ship of a bullshit television show and decided not to return this week for another round of eye-abuse. I hope you enjoyed NCIS/Glee/DWTS and The Biggest Loser as they all rated much better than OTH did in the same time slot (by millions, I might add!) So, kudos!

Okay, so after a tiring week of tweeting, replying, reliving the Sophia-drama and second failed attempt at entertainment by the OTH team, we bid you adieu for another week and as always, would love to hear your opinions!!

Rant and Rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy.

OH ... Your opinion is Mucho Respected... :D

LOL... First of all... love you all dearly... even the coward who couldn't even leave their name. You make this blog possible. LOL... LOSER! hahaha!

Anyway, i need to address this before chris posts the review for the new episode:

I respect all your opinions.

Jennifer... You are allowed to have your own opinion. This might be the one and only time we ever disagree. I have no fucking idea why this blog sent you to spam but I corrected that. I will always respect - your opinion because you are bright and intelligent, Anyone who disagrees about how wonderful you are has to deal with ME. Grrrm lol!

That being said, i was brutal because honestly i am over the fandom. I only watch for this chick and she is seriously creating more ammo for crazy PUKERS to use in their psychotic arguements. I get that she dislikes BL, but well... sometimes an actress needs to know when to hold them, and know when to fold them... meaning her lips, "Hence the Sophia Bush: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" LOL!

Anyway... No bats and guns... unless we are SEYTON HATIN!


Michelle - LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF! I can't even discribe how hilarious this is. Your comment made me chuckle so hard! Seriously, i don't understand why she has so much control. Its really ashame that she cant just do her job and STFU!

Disgruntled Fan - Ditto My Kid, Ditto in deed!

Jess- You know I don't mind speaking my peace anymore than SB apparently does. So you are very welcome. See Ya in BANLAND!

Kasey- need I say more, Kitten. We'll chat later :P


Last but never least.......... Chris, you know how I feel. Love ya, Babe!



Much love Homies,
-Toddian

Sophia Bush: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP

Sophia - Beautiful, Talented, seemingly Intelligent Sophia - I don’t know if you are bored or just losing all your brain cells playing the now doormat, dumb as a rock Brooke Davis… but don’t you know WHEN to keep your mouth shut. True enough there is Freedom of speech and all that jazz but this is also your job and damn girl - Learn the meaning of Tact!

Gees, You’d think she would realize that majority of her fans WERE BLERs?

Does she think John Tucker Must Die earned her fans… LAUGHING MY FUCKIN ASS OFF, FOOL!

Now honestly, I have not wanted to comment of Sophia’s tweets because I used to adore the chick but the majority of you guys are either commenting about it or going off on other fan pages. And to be honest, I don’t blame anyone for it… If she can have an opinion so can everyone else.

I called chad Michael Murray out on his cheating all the time last year, not to mention his horrible acting… Seriously dude, who the hell ate your soul and shitted it out in the toilet?

Sophia Bush? LOL, yeah, right answer.

I get why people are upset. Don’t bash an entire fan base. Do all these other things:

1. The Whole Team Leyton on a BL t-shirt, I was willing to overlook cause I just don’t care enough about her personal life to give a shit. Ha-ha, when and if she ever hit Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie status - then I might give two shits, but hell, she’s on a dying show and I support my girl.

2. All this co-star dating - again see number 1. I mean, Both chad and she ruined BL… Naley fans hated the Brathan shit…. Which I hate too. And Boolian, well this new Brooke (who I suspect Sophia is creating not the writers- sucks cause I bet anything that in deleted scenes Julian takes huge dumps on her chest!) SUCKS MY HAIRY SWEATY BALLS!

3. Tree Hugging- nothing wrong with that unless it just started out of the blue and seems rather shady if you did nothing for Katrina victims but you care about GULF animals…. Again see Number 1... KINDA!

BUT THIS…. This girl just needs to shut the fuck up. We get it, you hate BRUCAS, you HATE CHAD, you HATE BL fans… don’t turn around condescendingly and say you love us. I don’t care either way.

LOL, as long as you aren’t Hillarie Skank-ASS Burton… I would forgive you anything. But Damn girl… shut the FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush you think you love Brooke more than we do because you portray her… Um, no you get paid to play her. We are the Masochists who root for a once AWESOME character who has been driven down by the writers into a SEYTON SANTANICA REPLICA and thus helping to write your pay checks for Free!

We certainly don’t get anything out of watching Brooke be treated like trash - so bitch please - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush, you’re beautiful but you actually think we care if you are happy with season 6 & 7... Your happiness doesn’t entertain anyone so - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

By the way SOPHIA BUSH zero IS a size, FOOL!

So SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Whenever you think of talking about BL just - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I don’t hate you but fool, I am starting to tire of the attention seeking BL hating bullshit.
Do I think you were wrong- DUH, but its your job to promote BOOlian even though the show is down the toilet with most probably your career, but again SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush - Wanna buy a can of SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sophia Bush - you claim you talk to the writers season 6 & 7… (Dog eating heart season, Brooke becoming a doormat, Pimping Nasty ass aids infect PUCAS like this is actually reality) than please, if you want to take credit for that SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Actually, if you have that kind of Power (which I believe you do) Please tell them to Cancel this damn show! Or SHUT THE FUCK UP!
　
SOPHIA BUSH - you inferred that you came up with the “BL was a footnote to LP” than please SHUT THE FUCK UP!

JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP and do your job… love Brooke, but tired of you…

GIRL, SHUT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING TRAP THE FUCK UP, BITCH, DAYUM!

Finally… if you don’t agree, that’s ok. I dont hate you, speak your peace. But any person knows that whether you agree with what she said or not, she needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Much love Homies
-Toddian

“It’s Amazing How Far We’ve Fallen…” – Brooke Davis ain’t so stupid after all!

Rabbit sex talks, ghostly dreams, love triangles and mushy love scenes that make you reach for your vomit bucket? All in a day’s work on the set of One Tree Hill, and Season 8’s premiere episode didn’t let us down! And in true Mark fashion, because the douche couldn’t write something interesting even if it were to save his hairy gonads from being castrated, the very first scene had us rolling our eyes at the lameness that has become One Tree Hill and gave us an insight of the blatant bullshit we’re about to endure this season.

You know, it’s funny because I can still remember the days when this show used to have more than just couple storylines. There was angst for the brother’s Scott, friendship storylines (where oh where is BALEY?), family storylines and even colleague storylines. Yet everywhere I turned, this whole episode centered around COUPLES. Naley, Brulian, Chase/Alex/Mia and Clay/Quinn. Talk about boring as bat shit. I didn’t expect much from Mark, let’s face it, none of us do, but seriously… this guy has NO creativity what-so-ever and I cannot believe he gets paid to write such bullshit that reflects more a daytime soap opera these days than prime-time drama.

So where to begin? It’s all shit anyway, so might as well go through the apparent “coupling” stories we’re gonna be forced to endure for another 20 or so episodes.

So Nathan, Haley and that little ferret they like to call their son. Since apparently the only storylines they can have involve having spawn and then teaching said spawn about the birds and the bees, I can already feel a yawn fest coming on. Nathan’s little speech at the beginning about his dream of a son and his wife that is so far out of his league made me want to chuck. And don’t even get me started on the failed sex talk with his son. Man, did this guy turn into the biggest loser of Tree Hill or what? Guess he felt the need to fill the spot vacated by his stupid-ass brother. Speaking of… so Haley misses Lucas – welcome to the club honey.

We’ve been missing Lucas since season 3 when he decided to turn into the world’s largest fuck up.

The only thing I found even remotely interesting about this whole Naley bullshit? That they threw the doctor’s appointments in there – could they possibly be giving Nathan a storyline that doesn’t involve him stuck to Jamie like a fly on shit? Honestly, I’ve learnt my lesson when it comes to expecting anything even remotely resembling a decent storyline from the douche known as Mark.


And did anyone else roll their eyes at the fact that the very second word of the brand new season was LUCAS. Or the fact that Seyton’s name got mentioned twice along with her retarded (YES NATHAN - I SAID RETARDED – IF THE SHOE FITS…) husband all within the first six minutes? Schwahn needs therapy, seriously. Chad has moved on to the lifetime movie he is making (who called that stellar career??) and Hil has moved on to… well, no, she’s still spreading her legs about town and channeling the slutty instincts she had whilst playing Seyton. No wonder the douche thinks he’s in with a chance and can’t let her go. Still, some people were happy homage was paid to the original cast. I, on the other hand, thought it was lame.

Pucas are gone, their story is over – MOVE ON!

The only past homage I enjoyed was the return on the theme song. When I saw it, it felt like OTH for a brief moment in time. Then of course I was smacked back to reality like a bitch when the characters opened their mouths again and I realized that the days of a decent OTH episode really were over. Stupid cock-sucking Mark!

So Nathan’s on the road to the NBA and Haley is pregnant. The brief Baley scene was disturbing to say the least, and it brings me to...

Brulian. Boolian. Cut-my-eyes-out-so-I-don’t-have-to-witness-the-horror-of-this-couple- Brooke and Julian.

Whether it was the gag-worthy lines spewed back and forth between them, or lame attempt at trying to seem sexy and resemble something known as chemistry, it all ended up pointing to one thing – this couple is one giant pile of festering dog shit. Actually, leave the shit in the baking sun for a week and the crud that remains would more closely resemble Brooke and Julian. Someone ought to take Austin aside, show him clips of Chad and Sophia from seasons 1, 2 and 3 and then kindly instruct the big foreheaded tree hugger that THIS is what sexy chemistry actually looks like.

Oh, and also show him the scene of Bryan and his sexy ass back when poor Jake had to sleep with the she-devil herself. Watching Julian squash Brooke just didn’t have even an ounce of the sexiness that the very same move from Jake had 6 seasons prior. Austin, you may have taken the job as Julian for your beloved… but damn, you wouldn’t know what sexy was if it came along and slapped it’s dick against your big-ass forehead.

Now, Brooke. What has happened to you? You have become Julian’s sex slave, I swear. Please stop trying to force this chemistry on us. It’s about as interesting as watching paint dry. Also, why is it you can only seem to manage one set of emotions for each character? It’s always slutty/sad with Julian, angry/gnarly with Mummy dearest, and annoyed/melancholy with Millicent. Since you have like a five minute scene with Haley on the odd episode, you don’t even have time for an emotion with her and so we’re gonna skip that. Trying to distract us with the over-husky voice in some scenes doesn’t work anymore either.

This whole Brooke Davis character assassination seems to have been successful because I don’t see her anywhere anymore

And what’s with destroying the happy ending between her and Victoria last year by having Queen V lie about the company’s profits so that her toy boy’s line can be successful? What is with that shit, Schwahn? And having Brooke arrested for fraud without any proof of her wrong-doing or involvement is just plain retarded. Once again, we have to witness Brooke Davis lose everything and get chewed up and spat out by Mark.

Fuck you Schwahn, you cock-sucking piece of shit!

Speaking of cock-suckers, who else here was so glad to see Quinn bleed? The whole dream sequence was OTH bullshit writing at its best. Exactly how many characters have had death dream walks exactly? The unconscious experiences of the townspeople would have me questioning exactly what is in that damn river. I want Quinn to die so badly, but we both know that isn’t gonna happen. After all, with Seyton gone who else is gonna parade her slutty, flat-chested self around town? A skank void was definitely left and Quinn is needed to fill that void – apparently. Now someone should take her aside and show her exactly what it means to act sexy. Even Boolian (and we all know how much they suck) did the whole “Jump-on-my-back-as-I-pull-you-into-the-waves” scene better than Clay and Quinn. This show is so redundant. And what’s with Clay’s body these days? Not only was the face fat sucked, but clearly the abs have disappeared too. Yeah, choosing Quinn was a wise move, moron. Ugh, can’t even fathom what this show has turned Robert into.

What else? Oh right, the storyline of Alex, Chase and Mia that I could care less about. Honestly, I have to admit as much as I hated the skank last season, at least Alex is messing with someone I actually can’t stand this time. Mia, you need to check yourself pronto. YOU dumped Chase via text message sweetheart, it had nothing to do with Alex. Getting in Alex’s face and calling her a relationship destroyer may be fitting, but not in your case. You fucked up sweetheart, and you can’t blame the guy for wanting Alex more – you do have the face of a Chihuahua on crack who has been sniffing ass all day.

So in the end, what did we achieve from this season premiere that many of us were astonished was announced in the first place? Honestly – fuck all. Recycled scenes seem to have taken center-stage, relationships are the only things that have storyline potential it seems, and Brooke Davis has been given the raw end of the stick. Honestly Mark, your ass must be brutalized with the amount of sucking up you would have had had to do to get this rank show back on air.

So the famous words of Brooke Davis herself pretty much sum up the first episode of season 8…

“It’s amazing how far we’ve fallen.”

No shit, Sherlock!

Rant and Rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy.