Hick Trash Flash? That Pretty Much Sums Up OTH These Days!

Kid Cudi - Why Did You Lower Yourself?

I have been asking myself that question since my eyes were finally saved from visual abuse when this weeks' episode ended. Why on Earth would a musician who has been doing fairly well for himself think coming onto a show like One Crap Hill would EVER be a good move career-wise? Dude needs to fire his manager because the general rule-of-thumb is to pick the good fucking shows, not the ones who no longer resemble anything like entertainment or decent viewing.

Then again, Mark Schwahn does know how to suck some serious cock since this show is still on the air, so perhaps Cudi should be watching his manager from now on?

But back to the rant about this week's episode which I think started out with probably the most accurate portrayal of how far this show has fallen from their place on top. The HICK TRASH wedding dream of Brooke Davis, representing this show for what it is today - TRASH! Complete rubbish. Utter bullshit. Talent-less and lacking in any REAL storyline. In fact, this show has fallen so far from grace that I'm wondering if we'll actually see it nominated at the Daytime Emmy's because it now resembles a soap opera more than a prime-time drama.

So what happened in this week's crapfest? Let's move onto our groupings since these characters have forgotten how to interact.

Thankfully, no "Dear Lucas" moment happened this week. Instead, we were treated to Naley boredom, Brooke whining, Julian ass-sucking, Mia/Alex cheerleading, bad music (except for Cudi - I'm a fan!) and Quinn stupidity. And all of this derailed what many would think would be an awesome moment in this show - the return of the villainous DAN SCOTT! But let's not go there just yet, we have to do this in order so we can get outta here asap!

So Naley. Not much new happening here. As usual, Haley is acting the ever doting mother and wife and packing lunches for her two "men" to take to school. I use the speech marks here because I honestly cannot tell which one if the father and which one is the son out of Nathan and Jamie. The little ferret is quite possibly the most unrealistically-written kid on television. Sure, people have bitched about them before and that is probably why the writers decided to have his parents drop the word "genius" in about half a dozen times to try and explain their poor writing skills, but honestly, this little butt-weed has gotten on my last nerve. The way he gave advice to his Dad just said everything I needed to know about his father.

Nathan Scott is a fucking dumb ass!

So he's apparently back at college to get his degree so he can train to be a sports agent. Good for him, this is actually kinda cool. Being a teacher I'm all for education and furthering one's self academically. But the dickhead decides to prove a point by going with the harder lecturer. He then expects things to be easier. He doesn't prepare enough for class, gets called out on it and then decides to talk to said professor after class and expects him to "understand" that he probably needed a few days to catch up to everyone. No dumb ass, that isn't how it works. You enrolled late, you elected to study under the professor who you were warned was tougher than most... and you signed freaking autographs in his class before it began. Stupid move. I guess this was all needed so we could enjoy those wonderful bonding moments between Nathan and his ferret, I mean son, where they teach each other how to succeed in life and in their respective classes. *SNOREFEST*

And who else cringed when Nathan lamely called Jamie "Tutor Son". Ughh, the cheesy-ness of that scene made me want to puke!

Then we have Mama Scott, aka Haley, who *surprise surprise* has been noticeably absent from the Crisis Center, running around organising Erin to be Kid Cudi's supporting gig at Tric. Haley didn't do much this episode actually. She packed lunches, had a talk to Brooke about her wedding, introduced Erin to Cudi, thanked Mia for organizing the event, had Mia and Alex bartend together and then went home to her family. Basically, she propped. But it's whatever, I grow tired of her easily.

It would be great if I could end my rant about the Scott family there, but unfortunately as it always seems to happen, a member of the James family has infiltrated and fucked up a Scott-man scene. Cue Dan... and the lacklustre Quinn. So apparently the older James sister is trying to get all hardcore and is intent of getting revenge on Katie. namely, she wants to murder the gun-toting psycho for shooting her and her beloved, Clay. Poor Clay... already looking leaner since his nasty succubus re-entered the scene and he only got a total of five minutes in this entire episode, part of which was taking up by his lips being mauled by the before-mentioned slut. Then the rest of the Clay/Quinn storyline focused on the lesser-liked half of the duo, who in all her wisdom chose to use her five brain cells to go and visit the man responsible for nearly destroying her brother-in-law to ask for advice on how to murder crazy Katie.

Cue DAN SCOTT! OTH's ULTIMATE VILLAIN!

Now normally the return of such an AWESOME character would have made for interesting television. Dan Scoot is, after all, the last well-written bad-guy for this flop of a show. He still manages to make people smile when they remember just how good OTH used to be - you know, before they wrote poor Danny-boy into a corner by having him shoot Keith. Yet, even having him the episode fell flat. Whilst Dan did have some great one-liners and the ever-talented Paul delivered them with unwavering Dan Scott charm, the fact that he was used to prop the retarded character of Quinn was beyond annoying. Also, he turned soft at the end. What a bunch of bullshit. Quinn gets all upset, throws her gun away and then decides revenge may not be something she can handle after all. Get some damn therapy girl, ya need it! What a dumb bitch. Her whole storyline was contrived and pointless, and hardly in the vicinity of believable when you look at how weak and pathetic she truly is. The worst part?

Dan Scott, a legend on the show, was used to prop Quinn. Bitch can't hold her own against him, so he just made her look even more pathetic than she already did. Get her the fuck off my screen!

Then we have Brulian. Of course Brooke is still whining about being poor and not able to afford her dream wedding. We fucking get it already, move the fuck on. I'm also thinking Sophia is regretting saying she had a say in how Brooke is written because right now Miss Davis isn't coming off as anything other than whiny, pathetic and shallow. So you can't afford your dream wedding - MOST women can't! Get over yourself. And who else noticed the BIG blunder in the writing when Brook claimed she went from poor to rich to poor again. Uhm, no bitch. In high school you had wealthy parents and shopped your ass off, then they lost said money, then Daddy got a new job in California so you had money again, then you got even richer after you left school and went into business with mommy, and now you have no money again. Do the writers not even remember their own fucking show? Clearly not.

So what does Julian, BEST FIANCE EVER *insert eyeroll* decide to do? Make his fiance feel better by having her do all these things she claimed she wanted to do but never did. Basically, girlfriend has a bucket-list at the age of twenty four. So they run around all day learning french, jumping out of planes and gazing at the moon, talking about how lucky they are to have one-another and even if she doesn't have money she's rich for having him in her life. Blah fucking blah, how boring are they? Julian is basically a ball-less boy wonder now and Brooke just needs to shut the fuck up already. I don't care how many times they repeat it, her epiphany about having perspective every episode doesn't seem to stop her from losing it again at the beginning of the next. BORING!

What else? Alex, Mia and Chase. So the girls have decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Now both are giving Chase hell by buddy-ing it up and making him squirm. Of course Alex, being who she is, lets Mia believe she is over Chase and is being "frenemies" with Miss Catalano, but ultimately it was her who grew a pair, followed Chase into the storeroom and kissed him. Mia's consolation prize? She beat Alex in earnings from selling drinks. Something tells me Alex wasn't too phased, and this flip-flopping threesome isn't over yet. GOD SPARE US ALL! Just let Alex win (and yes Thomas, she is very Rachel-esque in many ways) and then send Mia back to the pound where she belongs. She irritates the fuck outta me with all her yapping.

And would you believe, that is actually the end of the episode right there? Of course Erin was pimped throughout, and quotes about believing in yourself and your music with spewed throughout, but really they were boring when I heard them said to Mia two years ago - they ain't endearing to me now. These writers have really forgotten what originality is!

So, what have we learned from this week's episode?

1. Haley is pregnant. She forgot Lucas and the crisis center this week because Erin is the focus of her life.

2. Jamie is annoying as hell and is having deep and meaningful conversations beyond his years.

3. Nathan is trying to be a sport's agent. He returned to school and apparently he's so bad at it that his son has to tutor him.

4. Mia is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass. She is still hanging around like a bad smell.

5. Julian has no friends. He spent the day sucking Brooke's asshole.

6. Alex is an actress. She also still likes Chase.

7. Clay disappeared. At least he didn't have to remind us that he got shot. We had Quinn do that for us.

8. Quinn is still a useless waste of space. she apparently has nightmares and thinks buying a gun to murder her attacker is much more sensible than therapy. Go figure.

9. Brooke is still having Mommy issues and can't seem to warm to the idea that hers and Julian's Mom get along. She also finally decided to see (again) all the good she had in her life but not before complaining about being poor again.

10. KATIE is coming back. I wonder if she'll actually get the bitch this time? The ending was really bad, having her look straight into the camera didn't intimidate me or make me intrigued as to what will happen next week. In fact, the only reaction I had was to snort like a pig.

So... another week of progressive, dramatic television. NOT.

Rant and rave people,

Toddian and Chrissy.