What Am I Thankful For? I'm Thankful This Episode Is FINALLY Over!

Who else thought the food was the best part of this week's episode?

Or perhaps the live turkey caught your fancy because it basically acted circles around every other character this week! Or maybe it was the predictability of it all because apparently, being dull and predictable is the legacy this show wants to leave behind. At any rate, let's get started on this blog and display our true feelings about yet another forty-or-so minutes of our lives we have just lost watching this shitfest.

~ Dear Lucas. Do you remember a time when this show used to be good? When the characters were more than whiny bitches with too much time on their hands? Do remember when we broke that wishbone and even though you had the bigger piece you let me have the wish? And when I wished for a good life, free from boredom and to be living my dreams with good, decent people surrounding me... I NEVER GOT MY FUCKING WISH AND NOW I AM INFLICTING UNNECESSARY VISUAL HORROR ON ABOUT 2 MILLION PEOPLE A WEEK. If I'm lucky.

This is what I have to say to you, Lucas. You did good in getting out. And I hope Seyton is dead ~

Wouldn't it be great if Haley really talked like this?

So, we started off this week's episode with another "Dear Lucas" reference and a Thanksgiving theme. Can I just say, the food looked amazing and it really made me want Thanksgiving to hurry up and get the hell here (1 week to go), however even the food couldn't save the terrible-ness of this show. So, let's go through the characters and review, shall we?

Nathan, Haley and the ferret they like to call their son, Jamie. So, Nathan didn't graduate college - big shocker there. But how did he get his so-called NBA contract without that slip of paper? Interesting. And how is it that his agent knew nothing about this when he is supposed to know every little thing about his client? Dropped the ball on that one. Insert Haley being the ever-doting wife who gives a speech on how she has all the faith in him in the world and they have a cute-sy moment and that's pretty much Naley in the bag for yet another week. Then we have Haley at home cooking and being mother/wife/friend/chef of the year to the inevitable horde that invaded her house for the holiday. Interesting that she wasn't needed at the crisis center on such a lonely holiday for some. Guess she fixed Erin and that was enough for her. WOW, who called that one? Crisis Center what? And then the ferret, who managed to probe into Erin's life because THAT is what kids that age do - they ask the deep and meaningful questions. I am so over this kid, and the whole boring-ness of Naley and their family altogether. Of course Nathan is gonna get his degree and become a certified agent and get everything he wants - how can he not with such an amazing woman by his side *insert eye roll*. Barf. Next.

Brooke, Julian and the Mother-Ships. Or Mother Shits? I haven't decided yet. First off, it was complete bullshit that Victoria got released on Thanksgiving. Are they not even bothering to go for realism at all anymore on this show? Second of all, Julian's mother and her drinking is getting real old, real fast. Either do something with this storyline or let it go. We got it the first few hundred times she asked for wine and mentioned alcohol that there was a problem there, so PROGRESS PEOPLE! Fuck I really hate this show. Do I blame Brooke for being mad at Victoria - hell no, this woman is a certified bitch. But she makes things interesting. I just wish they would stop coming and going with her character and the relationship she shares with Brooke. They're loving, they hate each other, they're loving again - it's giving me whiplash and I don't care for it anymore. It's old. It's tired. Redundant. let's move on. Julian was pathetic as always, for some reason the writers feel the need to keep lamenting that fact. Not getting picked for a team - since when was Nathan such a fucking prick? And now his bitch of a son follows suit? This isn't funny anymore, it's boring and shameful. Fucking move on already. At least Julian didn't ask the question ALL FUCKING DAY! He did however, add to mushy Brulian moments that I could have done without. Bitch, meaning Brooke, stop fucking whining. There are many people out there with less than you. Give it up.

Millicent and Mouth. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. They're gonna get back together and it's going to be as boring as their entire relationship has been. Enough said.

Alex and Mia. Sorry Mia, but you just plain outright SUCK. First, she acts like a bitch in the house, second she acts like a bitch on the field, and when she gets laid out over the grass she takes a cheap shot and punches Alex when her back is turned. Mia is the most pathetic character on the show right now and I just wanted that bitch to drown in the river. Alex is a thousand times better right now, and the fact that Chase even had to make a decision between this two is stupid. Then to find out that little skater boy douche didn't pick either because he's PMSing and decided he deserved better - get over yourself you moron! And then the predictability of the girls actually being civil when they watched his decision on video... this show is SHIT. Big, stinking, sloppy SHIT!

Skills going after another mother? Uhm, it didn't work the first time with Deb, why go there again? Why even make light of it? The references aren't that funny and Skillz used to be cool. Now he's a joke too - but that was inevitable considering where ALL the characters are these days.

And then we have Clay and Quinn. YEP, she-devil is back. Goodbye tolerable Clay. Of course we got hit with another sappy reunion moment that made me want to hurl. And then a completely laughable moment where we're supposed to believe that Quinn is after Katie. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, this white-hussy bitch is really capable of stalking and getting back at the woman who shot her. I laughed at how pathetic it was and seriously, i am rolling my eyes at how they're gonna drag this out and somehow have Quinn lose her mind but be saved by Clay, after she gets Katie back. YAWN. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. This is fucking stupid.

So after yet another week of the same boring crap, where do we find ourselves?

1. Haley is pregnant. She remembered Lucas this week however the crisis center is still forgotten now that Erin is the focus of her life.

2. Jamie has braces. He's also annoying as hell and having deep and meaningful conversations way beyond his years.

3. Nathan is trying to be a sports agent. Turns out he's bad at school and never graduated college. Nathan, bad at school? NO WAY!

4. Mia is still in love with Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass. she's now also a dirty fighter as she can only get a good hit in when her opponent's back is turned. Slore.

5. Julian's Mom is in town and she's a drinker.

6. Julian has no friends.

7. Alex is an actress and girls are jealous of her.

8. Clay got shot. He has trouble moving things because of the injury that gets mentioned every week. Tune on next week for him to tell you again, in case you forgot.

9. Quinn is back and is apparently intimidating and a crazy stalker now. should have seen that coming when she couldn't keep away from Clay when she was still married.

10. Brooke is having Mommy issues and finally decided to see the good in her life. but not before mentioning she'd lost everything again.

11. Mouth is a freak. He finally got Millie back so maybe now we won't suffer anymore bitch tears.

12. Skillz is hot for Mom. A new one this time, but still the same old story.

Yeah... this show got another season why?

Rant and rave people,

Toddian and Chrissy.

How About Some Cheese With Your WHINE???

Whine: A long-drawn, high-pitched complaining cry or sound; to utter a whine; to complain or protest in a childish manner or about trivial things.

Yep. Sounds like One Crap Hill, doesn't it?

I felt like I should have set up camp with a box of crackers and cheese just to complete the setting for this week's One Tree Hill episode. That was of course, when I actually remembered it was on. And if I'm being completely honest, I DIDN'T actually remember, I was reminded by Todd when he asked about the blog. WHOOPS.

Guess it's a really telling sign that your show is in the crapper when it just plain gets forgotten completely.

Anywho, I forced myself to watch this lame-ass show for yet another week and here we are once again, blogging about how predictable and pathetic it has really become. And this episode was ALL about the whine. Seriously, is there one person on this show who didn't have a moment of self-pity, or sad "riveting" scenes where some sort of emotional epiphany was reached, or even trying to decide what comes next? Oh my god, who else wants to assassinate Julian for asking that question week in and week out? Uzi time, seriously.

Although, I would gladly take a gun to the temple of most of these characters simply because they are grinding on my last damn nerve. So let's get into it and discuss for yet another week, why this show sucks hairy gonads and can't seem to grasp the concept of entertainment.

Naley. Apparently good storylines for these two involve not being in any scenes together at all. Nathan traipsed down to Atlanta to sign some football guy who decided an ex-basketball player who gave a good speech one time was worthy of being his agent. Love how no one decided to tell the kid that Nathan's lack of experience in the field of even being a sport's agent was probably detrimental to his career and best interests.

Oh no wait, this is One Unbelievable Hill - it would only fall apart if Brooke decided to be an agent!

Anywho, Superhero Nathan rode in on his lame horse, saved the day, gave an inspirational speech or two and is apparently a natural at being an agent. BORING! Where did the whine come in? His bitching to Clay in the car about being stressed before taking off to Atlanta, and subsequently being a drip when he landed the deal and came back home to Clay In Tree Hill, made me give him a big fat tick as a whiner.

Haley. What happened to her? Well as predicted, she's been chasing after Erin who sings and has a deep connection to her music because apparently, like every other artist on this pretentious show, her music is her life. And Mia understands. Of course she does, she was Erin not so long ago, and if this new singer plays her cards right, she will get to be involved in lame storylines that the audience could care less about too in the not too distant future. So Haley understands all about Erin's plight, and they're gonna make a great team together, and *yawn* *drool* *snore*. Yeah, that pretty much sums up what I think of this Mia-esque repetitive storyline. Guess they're big on recycling in North Carolina. Anywho, having Haley talk about her great family and how happy she is wasn't her whine moment. It came in the form of the piano scene, where she talked about how she felt music had betrayed her because her Mom died. Oh my fucking god, GET OVER IT Mark. We dealt enough with Haley's supposed depression storyline (which was an pic FAIL in my opinion), and to use it as a way of making Haley seem soooo understanding is enough to make me wanna puke. Erin, make a damn decision then get the fuck off my screen. You annoy me. Also... Haley no where near the crisis center - wow... didn't see THAT one coming, did we?

Continuing the whining trend of the Scott family, Jamie and the braces. Yeah, honestly, who really gives a fuck? He's just like the millions of people out there who have them, and I guarantee you, 98% of us didn't have some lame gushy-moment ala Lucas/Haley where we showed our friends our metal mouth and they said "Cool." I am getting so damn tired of this supposed arty direction they are taking with the show, where they have everyone say the same damn thing. They end one scene with a character saying something, then begin the next scene with the new character saying the same thing. Now we're supposed to believe that Jamie just happens to have the same braces moment with a friend that Mommy and Uncle Lucas had in school? MUSHY CENTRAL! This is bullshit and more for Lifetime Movies than prime time drama. Give me a fucking break. So, Naley family whine moment 3 - Jamie and his train tracks.

Next up we have the newest Queen of the WHINE - Brooke Davis. I have to say her first and last name because apparently we don't know it and characters feel the need to say it in its entirety every fucking episode. So, what did Brooke Davis whine about? The question should be, what DOESN'T Brooke Davis whine about? First she's still crying over losing her company and "who she is" and her identity - love how Sophia enjoys making Brooke Davis so damn shallow these days. Yes Brooke Davis, we are defined solely by our jobs and success. It has nothing to do with the person we are inside or how we overcome defeat against seemingly insurmountable odds. No, you have no money and no clothing company anymore, so you are worth nothing as a human being. GREAT morals to be instilling into the youth of today who watch your show and look up to your character. Sophia Bush = MORON! Brooke Davis = WHINER! Also, while she was crying over losing everything she worked hard for (which she didn't have to do, I might add), she also whines about having a wedding she can afford (note to Brooke Davis - a buck doesn't buy much these days), and whining about Julian's mother. While the latter may be understandable at times, at least his mother is actually giving a fuck. How about we look at what we do have in life Miss Davis - friends who love her and a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with her (even though he sucks balls too), instead of focusing continually on how much your life sucks. Basically, just shut the fuck up. Please and thank you.

Oh, and if you could refrain from mentioning Peyton Sawyer again, I would really appreciate it. Bitch is gone, and in my mind, died a fiery death after Lucas locked her in the comet and sent it crashing over a cliff. Comets always crash, right?

Whoa, went off tangent there, back to the blog. Hmm, who is next in this whine-fest?

Julian. Well, he was surprisingly NOT as whiny as the rest. He stood up to his mom for the sake of Brooke, and even comforted his stupid fiance when she cried about her life that apparently sucks. However I still want to stab him for repeatedly asking the same question over and over.

What comes next? My foot up your ass, jerk off!

Clay. Without Quinn, I'm finding him more and more tolerable. And admittedly, he didn't whine all that much. The can scene was realistic to me and he didn't quit, so I liked that. He seems to be the odd one out here. And hey, electric can opener - yeah, you sort your shit out and keep moving forward! We all know when Succubus returns this great version of Clay will cease to exist. However, his whine moment came with the grave scene. Okay, so maybe it was nice of him to visit, however, how many times are we gonna see some melancholy scene with a character crying to a tombstone? It's boring, pathetic and quite frankly, I'm over it.

Quinn - was gone. Best part of the show.

Alex/Chase/Mia - How is it that Jana is the regular in the show, yet she has less airtime than dodgy Chase and doggy Mia. Mouth put it eloquently when he stated that Chase, who is a bar manager, has both an actress and rock star in love with him - and he's chucking a Dylan McKay from 90210 and has to decide between two women. Dylan fucked that up by choosing Kelly, and I have a feeling Chase is gonna do the same by picking that barking mad Mia and throwing us back into the relationship that was a total bore-snore the last time we endured it. So the WHINE moment here? Chase whining about having to pick out of these two girls when only one is actually tolerable. The fact that he can't decide at all is reason for him to end up alone anyway. If you're not someone's first choice straight up, you deserve better.

Mouth. Seriously, this dude is ugly. So MY whine moment came from seeing his face. After I recovered however, I endured Mouth having a cry about how he lost Millicent. Well, when you treat a girl like crap, she's gonna leave. You, my friend, are a bona fide dumb shit. So instead of whining over Millicent, go and do something about it. Also, quit whining about having to do jobs you don't like at WORK. Most people hate working, so hearing you complain about it when you're lucky your friend gave you a job in the first place, is just plain fucking annoying. Rodent.

And now we're pretty much at the end of the episode. Yet again, another riveting episode. Here's what we learnt this week:

1. Haley is pregnant. She's forgotten about Lucas and writing letters to him. She's also forgotten about the crisis center as Erin is now the focus of her life.

2. Jamie has braces.



3. Nathan and the word "retired" were featured in another sentence together and he's now a sports agent.



4. Mia is still in love with Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil of everyone's ass.



5. Julian's Mom is in town. She is no longer paying for the wedding.



6. Julian is asking the question "What Comes Next?" He also has no friends.



7. Alex is an actress. This fact was made known to us again this week.



8. Mouth is a freak. He's still crying over Millie like a bitch.



9. Brooke lost her company and is crying about it.



Yes. Moving forward in TV shows was SO last season according to these genius writers.



Rant and Rave People,



Toddian & Chrissy

Apparently Predictability and Mannequins are the Secrets to a Successful Episode?

So, it's official! One Crap Hill sucks so much hairy bumhole that I actually FORGOT about it this week! Yes, yes, after the wonderful break of not having my eyes molested by this show last week, I completely forgot this snoozefest was even on. It has become so redundant and predictable, that it is now being forgotten. So after much whining (partly due to the stomach bug I have, and I'm always cranky when I'm fucking hungry) I finally sat my ass down and watched this episode.

Wow... it sure didn't disappoint. My expectations, that is. Since I have none anymore, and I expected pretty much ALL the thrilling garbage that they spewed out and stamped as "entertainment", I can say it didn't fail to live up to the stellar standards it has been producing since season 4.

So, here we go again for another week. as usual, I'm just gonna split it up into characters etc cos that's pretty much all this show has become, and interacting with anyone else is a big-fat no no these days.

I apologize in advance if you faceplant the keyboard from being bored out of your brain!

Julian and Brooke. Droolian. Boolian. Stab my fucking eyes out because they are fucking junk yard trash. I have never been so bored to tears with a Brooke storyline in my life, but this week she plummeted to new lows. For someone who has lost her company and supposedly sold her private fortune to pay back lame investors, nice to know she can still live in that fancy house. But putting that unrealistic storyline faux par behind us, watching her have no backbone to stand up to Julian's mother is just plain fucked up. This is your wedding bitch - speak up you moron! Apparently, when it comes to Bakers, Brooke becomes a complete door mat and loses her brain. Loses all sense of the strong, independent woman Brooke is supposed to be. And now we have to watch as she gets all teary over Julian's mother's alcohol problem. I can just see it now - she won't tell Julian and take it on herself, and somehow try to save the fucking day. Saint Brooke to the rescue. So she goes from a huge fashion designer, to a drunkard's babysitter. Yeah, real character progression there.

And Julian, oh my god, Julian.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

Where is the Julian who would taunt Lucas and Peyton about the Pulian history? Where is the Julian who told Peyton to get over herself? Where is the Julian that was so suave and arrogant when it came to procuring Brooke? The one who spoke back and had wit? Who the fuck is this pussy before us? talk about character assassination. He has NO male friends that he has to set up a lame poker night to find a best man? Who else thinks he's gonna ask the Ferret Jamie, or go with Alex? Cos let's face it, only she actually talks to him, no one else seems to give a shit. And why? Because he's become the lamest character on the show, he is closer to a joke than a bloke. Where have your balls gone, Julian? Did they disappear inside the Brooke Bubble (who else gaged at that one?) Mark, please take Julian's balls out of your mouth and kindly return them to your character, pronto!

Nathan and Haley. Nathan the superhero agent to the rescue, only to whine like a bitch cos Clay sent you on a business trip and you didn't know ONE thing. I'm sorry, but who else wanted to slap the fuck outta this little Daddy's boy? What a spoiled BRAT! I thought he was channeling Jamie for a second, cos he was acting like a damn toddler. Excuse me asshole, but your best friend, who also happens to be your agent, who also happens to have been SHOT recently, offered you a job when you found yourself JOBLESS! This is also the same man who worked his ass off to get you a basketball career/contract in the first place. He is now teaching you everything he knows to give you a different career, and you're going to complain about him not telling you ONE thing? What did you expect, you would know everything first time around? I couldn't stand watching Nathan bitch and complain.

The only thing that made him look like an idiot tonight was his attitude and cry-baby pout.

Sure, he's doing Clay a favor, but Clay is also doing HIM a huge favor. Learn your place, fool. Rich bitch syndrome for sure.

Haley. Ugh, I could have slapped her too. Which is incredibly annoying because Bethany Joy is too adorable for words. But Haley really pissed me off tonight. How predictable was her signing that chick? Like, who even fucking cares? Another Mia-esque storyline (note to Douchebag Schwahn - it was boring the first time), only this time Erin calls the crisis center a lot. What's the bet now that Erin will be in the studio recording, we don't see Haley at the crisis center anymore? However, it was the overkill of the hormones stuff that got to me. I guess maybe because they pimped Peyton's pregnancy so much that it overshadowed Haley, they are trying to overcompensate now. What a bunch of shit. And Brooke and Haley scenes? Come on, if I'm gonna have Baley, give it to me right. I don't want to see whiny Brooke and bouncing Haley. That is NOT Tigger and Tutor Girl. They should at least be on each other's side.

Onto Mia/Chase and Alex. I have but one thing to say - FUCK OFF MIA, YOU SCRAG! She looks soooo desperate right now, it's sickening. I mean, I hated the bitch before, but now I keep wondering why on Earth they have her dumb face on my screen. WHY? The whole coffee thing in the beginning made me want to puke. Alex NEVER lied to Chase, she simply didn't want to ruin a good thing. Do I agree with it? Probably not. But do I understand it? Yes. But Chase can't? Mia breaks up with him via a text message and he was never mean, hurtful or THIS angry to her. He talked to her when she came back for him, yet he acts like a bitch to Alex? My guess is, he must REALLY have liked Alex to be acting like such a pussy when she came back for him. LOVED that she slapped him - these two have serious chemistry in my opinion. I just want that chihuahua Mia to get lost. Get outta the picture. If they put Chia back together, I won't be happy. Then again, nothing really makes me happy with this show anymore... so perhaps this is a moot point?

Hmm... what else? Clay. Well, he didn't do much. Like, at all. But I enjoyed watching him and his scenes. Liked the dancing too. Funny how lively he is without the succubus draining the life outta him. Yep, definite perk of this episode was the lack of Quinn.

KEEP QUINN OFF MY DAMN SCREEN AND I ASSURE YOU THE RATINGS WILL RISE!

No Jamie too. How good was that? It was like a breath of fresh air...

... that got pushed outta me again with Skillz's weird Lucas mannequin. Oh my fucking god Mark, we got through one week of no "Dear Lucas" bullshit only to have you throw your weird at home sex toy at us and make us all uncomfortable. Mark Schwahn has lost his damn mind if he thinks THAT is entertaining. Or even funny. It's neither, it just screams PATHETIC. So does Mouth. Crying over Millicent when he's the one that wanted things "casual". Uhm, you're ugly dude, you should have jumped at the chance.

So all in all, another boring episode. If I've left anything out it's because it was so insignificant and beyond boring that it wasn't able to stick itself into my brain long enough for me to blog about it. And what have we learned from this episode?

1. Haley is pregnant. She's forgotten about Lucas and writing letters to him.

2. Jamie was forgotten too.

3. Nathan used the word "retired" again and is now a sports agent.

4. Mia can't get over Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass.

5. Julian's Mom is in town and is helping Brooke plan the wedding.

6. Julian is asking the question "What Comes Next?" He also has no friends.

7. Alex is an actress. Apparently this needs to be repeated several times in case we didn't understand this earlier.

8. Mouth is a freak. Skillz just joined him with the Lucas freak mannequin.

Progressive, huh?

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy