Welcome to Snore-ville. Please leave your appreciation for entertainment at the door!
I've been sitting here staring at this flashing cursor that's telling me it's time to write, for about twenty solid minutes now. Time to rant, rave and review the latest episode of One Tree Hill. Time to vent about all the things that I hated about this show. Maybe even talk about a few of the things I liked? (Yeah, I chuckled a little at the thought too!) But what do you do when, quite simply, you are so fucking tired of repeating yourself over and over again? When the very thing you are supposed to blog about is actually so beyond boring and useless that you feel like you're just going to be saying the same shit over and over again?
I think I need to call Mark and ask him how he doesn't get bored using the same storylines in his show over and over again? Because I sure as fuck am tired of watching it!
So I guess this rant will be brief. Or it will channel Mark and feel like the same bullshit is being said all over again. At least you know for that, I am actually sorry!
So we started with Haley writing to Lucas again. I'm tired of this - as if the show wasn't repetitive enough, I now have to endure the same opening all the time. I guess they tried to change it up with the new renditions of the theme song, but you all already know how I feel about this. And can I just say, tonight's one was the worst of the lot. Sounded like some creepy, dirty old man singing drunk at a bar. I felt the need to sanitize myself after it. I actually did, honestly. YUCK!
As for Pucas possibly returning, which seems to be a highly discussed topic because a good 80% of viewers do NOT want to see this happen, we all know by now that Mark is doing this to keep Pucas lovers watching. Kinda like how he kept us BLers glued by pretending that BL may happen again, when the cock-sucking bastard knew it was never a possibility. Sadly though, it seems the jerk off wants this hell-couple back on the box. I'm sure their lucrative careers in lifetime shows and b-grade movies are fascinating, but let's get real here. If Sophia hated working with her douche ex so much, why would he come back? If the rumours about pay checks and bad blood on set and Hilarie cheating on her husband are true - why have them back? Is Mark really that self-centered?
Did I really just ask that question? This show is draining the life and sense out of me. Watching 40 minutes of it every week is actually making me dumber.
Bottom line - I don't want them back. They left, fucked off into oblivion with their demon child, just fucking piss off and stop torturing us already. Can you imagine Seyton and Quinn on the same screen Ugh, just the thought makes me want to vomit.
Speaking of vomiting due to visual abuse by the television, who else wanted to strangle Mia? A voodoo doll, really? How pathetic are you, you washed-up, dog-faced bitch? YOU dumped Chase. YOU were so tacky you did it via text message. YOU DID IT! Alex may be a bitch, not saying she isn't, but she doesn't deserve the stinking shit of hypocrisy and blame-shifting you seem to be serving. Also, really, just like that she can play at a festival after being off the music scene for months? Does Mark ever think about how unrealistic his storylines are? Does anyone even give a shit about Haley and Mia going to that other lame show with she-devil Liz from Roswell? I don't even care enough to remember the name of it.
So Mia sucks. I hate her. I was enjoying watching her suffer at the hands of Alex and Chase, who I could stand. And of course, they fuck that up. They make it seem like Chase might be the guy Alex could change for, and bam, she's now some liar and he's done. If they put him back with Mia, so help me god, I am going to scream.
GET THAT DAMN BITCH OFF MY SCREEN!
Nathan and Haley - what's with the extra cheese? I'm bored with their scenes. I'm bored with the way they are dragging out Nathan's retirement. He played for what, a year? No one gives a fuck about you dude, seriously. You play for the fucking Bobcats. And really, how long do we have to wait to see what happens next? The question keeps being asked, we're all waiting for an answer. A sign. ANYTHING! This show is going nowhere. And Nathan pimping Mouth and how great he is at the beginning, then having Julian fawn over him and once more, Nathan again. Where the fuck is Millicent? That's her fucking job. I don't care about this rodent, and the condoms? Ew. Mouth and condoms should never be in the same scene unless you wanna promote abstinence. seriously.
Clay and Quinn. I was going to say that.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *drool* *snore* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *wakes up*. Oh I'm sorry, I guess this super-lame snore-fest couple does that to me. If I have to hear one more time about how much they love each other I think I'm gonna get on a plane, walk into the house and finish the fucking job Katie started. Really? How long do they think they can keep playing with my gag reflexes like this? Yeah, let's throw a parade and a fucking party cos some dude who got shot walked out of the hospital. Let's dress up our girlfriend and parade in front of all the sick patients how we can walk outta here and all you guys are still stuck in hell. Nice work, how very thoughtful off you. Maybe the remaining sick patients can clean up the never-ending confetti that came out of Jamie-ferret's fat-ham hand too! This couple just need to get the fuck off my screen, pronto! Just because you say you love each other all the time and throw out the cheesiest lines known to man, doesn't make your chemistry or supposed love story believable. You're boring. Fuck off!
Brooke Davis. I think Julian says her name like this so he can remember. He does seem to be pretty docile. Well, Brooke Davis, why haven't you asked Haley to be your matron of honor? You are the godparent of her child after all. It's the least you could do. Glad she stood up to her Mom, but seriously, how many times are these lame writers going to have them make up, fight, make up, fight... either Victoria is a good Mom or she's not. Either she did this for her daughter because she loves her, or she thinks she's stupid. You cannot redeem a character only to destroy her again - that's why people hate Seyton. You think you would learn from your mistakes.
Wait, this is Mark Schwahn. Nevermind.
So you don't get to have red velvet cupcakes. Note, woman - they suck balls anyway! Would I have liked to see Brooke get her dream wedding - yes? Honestly, yes. Because the character has been bitch-slapped by Mark for far too long now (thanks for that too, Sophia!) I'm tired of the mopey, sad face all the time (No Julian, sad Brooke isn't beautiful - at least, not as beautiful as feisty, happy Brooke, so shut the fuck up, you lame-o). But let's be realistic here again for a minute - even if she got married in McDonald's it would still be classier than the hick-trash wedding of Pucas.
So, at the end of this episode what did we learn?
1 - Haley is pregnant and writing letters to Lucas.
2 - Jamie is grounded.
3 - Nathan is retiring.
4 - Mia can't get over Chase and is acting like a puss-infected boil on everyone's ass.
5 - Brooke is giving up her company and personal wealth to pay back investors and apparently can't have her dream wedding.
6 - Julian is asking the question "What comes next?"
7 - Clay and Quinn keep spurting out "I Love Yous" because we don't hear enough of them and they got shot.
8 - Victoria is in prison.
9 - Mouth has no job and is acting like a freak.
10 - Alex is an actress.
And they think this series is progressive? My fucking ass it is!
We're left at the exact same spot as last week. Or was it the week before? It all seems like the same bullshit to me.
So that is it for the week. Not much to say because there's not much to watch. I feel I'm just repeating myself continuously and unlike Mark, that's not okay with me. The only good thing about this episode was the first song. Greg Laswell is the man!
Until next week's shitfest,
Rant and rave people,
Toddian & Chrissy
4 comments:
She is paying back investors with her personal money although the company is going down anyway?
That makes no sense at all.
Ok I just have to say this is the funniest blog. I love it! I stopped watching after the first episode this season because I'm sick of the repeating storylines, but I always come here to see what you have to say about the episode. It's the highlight of my week at work, so thank you!
I'm so sick of hearing about Chad & Hilarie returning. Who gives a shit really? They are off doing lifetime movies and other things to become "big stars" haha. So really it doesn't matter if they come back or not. It will still suck and watching those two try to act all lovey dovey with eachother is just more work than it's worth!
Since I didn't watch, I was going through the caps for this episode and the pictures alone were enough to bore me to tears - I don't know how you bother watching. You have more patience than me, that's for sure. <3
OK what the hell was up with Clays hair and even Jamies and Nate's. Lose the gel look. It doesn't look right. And the theme song sucked. Just leave the original why mess with something that was good and that goes with the show.
I like the quick Nate and Brooke moment. Haven't scene one of those in a loooong time. Same with the little Haley and Brooke moment. They need more of the 3 main characters moments.
And Mouth tring to be something his not. Acting like hes some big shot. That was soo bad. He should of just taken the job a Tric. At least it something. That way he doesn't have to be a bum.
Go Brooke show some back bone and stand up to your mom.
I guess Alex taking an acting role is a way to get rid of her or for a bit. Then there Mia. She still wants Chase. And so we have another love triangle.
And if Clay was hurt on the right side than shouldn't Quinn not be holding him by that side. She should be helping him walk around buy holding his left side.
Maybe b/c of Nate giving up basketball and Brooke losing her company this will be the last season.
And what was up with everytime someone smile all you saw were big teeth.
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