Definition of Boring: One Tree Hill Post Season 3

So there was this one thought that crossed my mind as I was watching this week's episode of One Tree Hill. Surprisingly, it wasn't in the vicinity of "When will this shit be over?", or "Really Mark, really?", or even "Thank fucking god I got through an episode with Mouth, Millicent, Mia and Jamie/Ferret molesting my eyes." (although for the latter I was actually quite grateful). No, this week I sat there, having my eyes abused by this crapfest of a show, and all I could think about is...

What the fuck am I going to blog about?

Truly, this episode was about as enthralling as the past 4+ seasons have been... and that ain't saying much! Last week I complained about how this show didn't seem to move the story forward at all. This week, again, it seems to have come to a complete standstill, although for some reason they think that by having everything seemingly depressing and emotional, people will want to see this show as something more than what it is.

And to think Sophia actually nominated herself for an emmy for this bullshit?

So, where do we begin? Of course, Haley is doing her voiceover to Lucas. Honestly though, these intros are wearing a little thin. In fact, they are almost as annoying as the new theme song every week. Like really, why do you have to mess with a good thing? The only thing these "Dear Lucas" intros are doing is giving false hope to people who will not let go of the idea of Pucas returning for Brooke's magical wedding to Julia. Yes, Julia - because he's acting like such a soft-cock these days I'm beginning to doubt he even has a dick.

So let's get into this Brooke storyline, shall we? I hate to say it, but this whole "losing the company" thing is just getting on my last damn nerve. Sure, it was unrealistic to have everyone in Tree Hill be so damn successful, but honestly, Nathan and Brooke were the only two, since high school, who actually showed any promise in what they did - in my opinion. Sure, Haley can sing, but so can a lot of people out there and let's face it, Bethany Joy isn't exactly steaming up the charts with that miraculous voice of hers. So, in perspective, I felt Brooke's success was actually warranted. Nathan's too.

Now here I am, season 8 and once again dealing with Brooke hitting rock bottom. Losing everything. Mother in prison, company gone - and now apparently, not a cent to her name because she wants to pay back investors. Classy move on her part, no doubt, but really Mark? A multi-million dollar company isn't worth enough to pay back investors? Where is the realism in that big, fat piece of fluff lie? You build Brooke up to be successful, and as a fan I was happy seeing as you seemed hell-bent on snuffing out any other form of happiness that came her way - but now she's not as grand as you lead us to believe? We're supposed to buy that she isn't worth millions - when you have painted that picture of the company many times over?

What the fuck is your problem? Seyton is gone, she got her lame ass, unrealistic happy ending - but again you decide to make Brooke suffer. Apparently happiness just isn't what you feel she deserves. Or her fans.

I have to question why Mark even bothers trying to come off as anything other than a self-serving, arrogant fuckstick.

Naley and Brooke fanbases have given you an extra season, when really, you should have hung up your hat. You're being kept in clean jocks because of their loyalty. Is it THAT hard for you to let Brooke be happy? If Seyton can survive two stalker attacks, a shooting and a spawn that realistically SHOULD have killed her, not to mention have a successful record label... is it really so much to ask that Brooke gets something? ANYTHING?

You really are a sadistic, piece of shit - aren't you Mark Schwahn?

But not only do I have to endure watching Brooke lose everything, but Nathan too? This blow isn't as harsh in my opinion, because he will still have his wealth accumulated and a wife who is just as successful. Not to mention he can still have children. Oh, and his mother isn't in the slammer. The only thing I can say regarding Nathan's storyline is "Can this basketball yo-yo storyline please be over now?" I am so tired of Nathan being this one-dimensional character who does fuck all except play basketball and deliver cheesy romance lines that make me cringe. I'm sure Naley fans love it, but really, it's boring as hell for those of us who aren't hardcore fans of the couple.

Clay and Quinn. Must I say anything except... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Move the fuck on. This couple sucks, no one cares about them. After pimping them as some great love story since season 7, this storyline has bitten the dust. we simply do not give a fuck. and the fact that they keep repeating how they're gonna be together and happy always, you know something is coming around the corner that will be miraculously resolved by the end of the season. PATHETIC! This couple sucks and I cannot believe that a show that used to have the epic couple of Brucas has fallen so far as to think a couple like Succubus and Sunken Face can compare. Go home writers, you deserve to be fired for this bullshit!

Alex and Chase. They had some sweet moments and I have to say I prefer them to Clay/Quinn. Hell, I'm just happy they're keeping him away from the barking Chihuahua Mia. But really, she never loved anyone? How am I supposed to buy that bullshit when she spent all of last season saying she was in love with Julian? Fucking hell, she tried to kill herself because she thought she couldn't have him - but now she's saying she's never felt in love?

Excuse me why I go empty this bucket of bullshit you just tried to throw in my face.

Whilst it's true One Tree Hill needed a reality check when it came to the successes of their characters, to jump from one extreme to the next is beyond ridiculous. Brooke's gesture was kind, but ultimately it is the investors who take the risk when putting money into a project. Legally, Brooke is not liable. Why couldn't they have just let this storyline go, and have her rebuild again? I wanted to see fighter Brooke Davis - not this mopey version of her that they're using to replace the pathetic character that exited at the end of season 6. I'm sure Karen and Andy have thrown her overboard by now after enduring her constant whining.

So... what comes next? Good question, Julian. Hopefully an episode that knows what direction "forward" is.

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy