DREAM SEQUENCES DIDN'T PREVENT THIS SHOW FROM BEING ONE NIGHTMARE TO WATCH!
So in the wake of the Sophia-Gate Scandal, OTH returned with it's second installment of shit shovelling for the new season last night. I admit, I came into this week not giving two shits about anything concerning this show anymore. Never-the-less, due to this blog and the many of you who come and rant to us each week so faithfully, here we are once again voicing our opinions of the farce that is OTH. So here's the LOWdown (and we mean low, cos this show is just utter garbage now) on what happened in that wasted hour of my life.
Of course, we go no further than one and half minutes and already Lucas and Peyton's names are mentioned. Honestly, I nearly gave up on this bullshit right then and there. I seemed to remember this fug, limp-dick tv writer/producer known as Mark Douchebag Schwahn reiterating last season that constantly bringing up Lucas and Peyton would be a detriment to the show because it needed to start fresh, move on and survive in spite of their departures. Well, guess that went down the shitter along with his creativity. Once again we are subjected to a melancholy Haley explaining to Lucas just how much she misses the dickhead who didn't bother to turn up to her mother's funeral. She misses the fake-blonde bulimic bitch (Lindsay Strauss, amen to you sister) who basically did jack crap to make Haley's life ANY better, and she misses other past characters who have died, moved on and left this steaming turd of a show in the dust. Yes, their names needed to be mentioned because...
*insert crickets*.
Is it really necessary to mention any of these lifetime-movie-bound degenerates anymore? Seriously, we DON'T give a fuck! After throwing countless people our way in order to replace them, it seems rather stupid to be bringing them back up now to pimp a show that many people have abandoned. Seriously, there are only two possible outcomes for this: the anti-LP fans will roll their eyes and curse the high heavens for even mentioning the gruesome twosome, and the Pukers will cry out in despair for teasing them with the obvious name drops.
MOVE THE FUCK ON!
And apparently because we didn't get enough of the overly-sad and emotional Haley last season, it is of course the now pregnant Mrs Nathan Scott who stumbles upon the bodies of her sister and Clay. Not even the attempt at fancy camera work and eerie music could stop me from laughing at the scene. Of all people to find them, it had to be Haley. I thought she was gonna run and throw herself off the side off the balcony. But for some reason, she held it together. Yes, apparently watching your Mom get the chance to say goodbye and pass on with her whole family surrounding her is much more traumatic that seeing your sister shot and bleeding out on the floor. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at this. Not to mention, twelve hours plus after the shooting they find them, and we're supposed to believe Quinn wakes up that same day? I'm sorry, but constantly having people say "It's a miracle they're even alive" doesn't change the fact that this storyline is complete horse shit!
I had to admit though, I found myself getting into the dream sequences. The lines were great, the scenery was beautiful, having Ghost Quinn and Clay figure out what happened to them and watching over their friends was really nice... until that sense of deja-vu set in and I realized this fucking storyline is so played out they have buskers in the street playing it for loose change! Really, Clay is going to take on the role of Keith and guide Quinn (who has taken on the role of Lucas/Karen/Dan), through the events and reasons as to why she needs to go back to the people who need her? Really Mark, THIS is what you get paid for? Hell, why don't we summon Demi Moore and see if they did it as well as Patrick Swayze did in Ghost back in 1990. This storyline is an EPIC FAIL!
Then moving on to Brooke's story lines, which are just as boring (but at least not romantically). So your Mom forged your name on documents that could get you sent to prison. And Millicent knew about it. And chucking a tantrum in the back office of your store is really going to help with that. I'm sorry, but as an owner of a company you need to have better business sense than that. I knew people were going to jump ALL OVER her line about being spoken to like a twelve, then eight year old. Honestly Sophia, you sure you want to claim input on this character? She's getting DUMBER by the minute. She gets props ONLY for the Baley scenes. They felt like a glimmer of the old school OTH and have been few and far between. Unfortunately, the huge gaps between seeing them have made them lose their appeal and they just don't have the same spark anymore.
Speaking of failed sparks, I was more than happy to have limited Boolian scenes. Julian and Jamie together were great - I got to skip through two of the most annoying characters on the show at the same time! Seriously though, I am so sick of hearing about what a dag Julian was in high school. Get the fuck over it, freak! I know these writers want it to seem like a fairytale that the nerd can get the popular girl later in life, but damn, I just cannot see Julian as anything other than a big-foreheaded mongrel who abused Brooke abominably in season 6 in regards to Alex and his precious script, and paid no restitution for it. He got a Seyton Free-Pass! WHAT THE FUCK? And now because he hangs out with a kid all day and starts acting like a sad, pathetic loser I'm supposed to like him again? Wrong, dickheads! Also, abusing the "Pretty Girl" name again still won't deter from the fact that...
PRETTY GIRL AND BOYFRIEND ARE BROOKE DAVIS AND LUCAS SCOTT, MOTHER FUCKERS!
ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE!
No matter who else uses those nicknames, they will always belong to them. You cannot kill the memory, so quit trying to, you jealous bastards!
So what else happened in this non-event of an episode? Right, Mouth and Millicent finding mutual understanding in how pathetic they both are (you just KNOW they are heading back down THAT path of lameness again!) Mia being a troll as per usual, only this time she actually admitted she was the cause of her break-up with Chase. Still, had to call Alex a bitch, didn't you? Serious case of hypocrisy there you butt-sniffing crack whore. I would rant further but I don't give enough of a damn to go through this inane storyline of Alex/Chase and Mia. Honestly, who gives a fuck?
But I do have to say... the man love this episode was a little disturbing. Nathan and Clay - there was always the vibe and this week we got the "I Love Yous." But nothing was more disturbing than Mouth and Chase and the knotted cherry tie that literally made me look at Mouth like he was some horny, old freak who was about to commit disgusting acts in public. EEEW! Get that fucking shit off my screen!
So, what are my parting words? Honestly, it goes to those bastard freaks on the CW lounge who told me "IN YOUR FACE" in a thread that wanted season 8 cancelled. Naturally, I was all for it, but they argued that I was delusional and not a true fan because the first episode raked in over 2.2 million and that was up on the end of last season.
FYI Dumbshits - 2.2 million is STILL ABYSMAL! But not as bad as the 1.9 million it got for last night's episode, so to all you little ass fuckers out there who jumped on me for my opinion, suck on that fat juicy one you dickheads! Muahahahahahahaha!
Also, lastly, congratulations to the 400,000 of you who jumped this sinking ship of a bullshit television show and decided not to return this week for another round of eye-abuse. I hope you enjoyed NCIS/Glee/DWTS and The Biggest Loser as they all rated much better than OTH did in the same time slot (by millions, I might add!) So, kudos!
Okay, so after a tiring week of tweeting, replying, reliving the Sophia-drama and second failed attempt at entertainment by the OTH team, we bid you adieu for another week and as always, would love to hear your opinions!!
Rant and Rave people,
Toddian & Chrissy.
11 comments:
Hehe, yes I was off enjoying Glee - Puck is soooo yummy - while this show was on. Lol. I looked at the caps for the first episode and damnnnnnnnnnn, Clay looks so damn sickly! Like what happened to that poor man - he used to be gorgeous and now... eh.
Anyway, I didn't watch, but I loved the rant! :P As always, you guys make me laugh <3
What is Sophia-gate scandal?
Love your review.
I was enjoying Glee while this shit fest was on.
Thank God..we have a neilson box now. And i feel it is my civil duty not to watch shit anymore, so bye bye OTH.
I love the rant. I feel you told me everything i needed to know +)
--Jess
I deleted the episode after watching 10 minutes. Ironic that this might be the last episode of a once great show that I will ever see.
Yet another dream sequence episode, yet another failure. How often have they tried this now? I can remember at least four episodes, and all of them sucked. Anyone remember the Casablanca episode? Or the Nathan-and-Luke-trade-places episode?
Someone should tell the writers that such supernatural elements don't work in a teenage DRAMA - this is not Medium or Ghost Whisperer.
HAHAHAH another dream sequence episode. It really doesn't matter that I stoped watching since season 5 because their just recycling storylines. This show is shit and the ratings show it. I feel bad that you guys have to watch this awful show while I enjoy Glee, but I so love your rants.
Which makes you wonder - why do you still watch it? There are so many good TV shows out there, you can't watch all of them unless you're unemployed and have no life.
That show has nothing in common with the OTH of season 1-3 anymore. I came on board the OTH train during the midseason break of season 4. I believe I watched the entire 80 episodes up to that point in less than 3 weeks.
What hooked me was that this show felt surprisingly real - for an American teen drama on a teenie network channel. It's not HBO after all. The characters and plot lines were all in the realm of possibilities in real life, there were no outrageous events - and yet the show was interesting enough. Characters developed and grew - just remember the development of Brooke and Nathan in season 1. The show didn't need dream sequences, fantasy scenarios or soap opera twists.
Fast forward to the OTH of today, everyone is a superstar, and we are supposed to believe that a famous author, an NBA star, a fashion queen and a rock star all still live in the same shitty small town? It's fake and we know it. We don't buy that Mouth hooks up with women who are all way out of his league. We don't buy that Brooke is an owner of a successful company, a self-made woman, because we rarely see her work - and who'd believe you can run an empire from a small store in Wilmington, NC? Then there's the minor characters like Chase the carpenter, who dates a rock star only to move on to a movie star - who also stays in that town for whatever reason to bartend. Then there's the little kid who's a genius and acts like an adult, outsmarting everyone. He's supposed to be cute and a comic relief, but is really nothing more than an annoyance of Wesley Crusher proportions.
The tragedy is that Mark Schwahn created a believable world with characters that felt real, experienced real problems and the trouble and heartache of teenage angst - and turned it into a ridiculous fantasy land in which everyone is super talented, murderers go free after 4 years and stalkers lurk behind every corner. And don't forget Golden retrievers with a craving for human hearts.
On a positive note, we are left with three great seasons and a fourth season that still had its moments. The last scene of season 4 is a fitting end to a good tv show - everything that followed thereafter can be ignored as mindless drivel.
I chose the word "tragedy" because I actually found the concept of jumping four years ahead interesting, when I first heard about the plans for season 5. There was a good chance to avoid the repetitiveness of other teen dramas when moving to the college years. There was definitely some potential for season 5. I will never know why they completely deserted the basketball angle - which was a major cornerstone of season 1-4 - and killed off interesting characters like Quentin. Luke, Skills and Nathan as a new coaching team finding their role after college could have provided room for the characters to grow without repeating old storylines over and over.
So why is the CW still dragging this show along? I think that they just have nothing else or better to fill the timeslot. UPN and WB originally merged to become a bigger player and attack the big networks by combining market shares and their best shows. Yet the CW probably has siginificantly less market share than the two previous channels had combined. I remember a time when Smallville and Supernatural attracted 5 million viewers and OTH averaged over 4 million viewers. I remember a time when Veronica Mars (a show superior in quality and originality to anything that runs on the CW nowadays) was cancelled because it only dragged in a lousy 2.5 million viewers. And now OTH has less than 2 million. The've lost more than half of their audience, and I wouldn't be surprised if they get a 9th season. Supernatural and Smallville will end their runs this season, making it unlikely that the network will abandon shows that still pull in so-so ratings. They need something to fill the void left by those shows before they can axe OTH.
So I wouldn't be surprised if you're still here in 2012 to rant about OTH.
As I'm getting too old for teen dramas, I'll probably watch the final season of Friday Night Lights and move on to bigger and better shows.
Looks like I'm done with OTH, but I will keep a fond memory of the first seasons.
Thomas, the newest is that Sophia and Austin have both claimed season 8 to be their last.
Bethany is pregnant and people believe she will want to focus on her family rather than the show.
Can they really keep shovelling this shit our way with JUST Nathan? Especially with NO Haley?
I'm not so sure... we may yet see the last of this abomination!
Fingers crossed, eh?
Chrissy.
Didn't Sophia Bush have an offer to do a comedy show? I wonder why she is still on OTH. Fear of slipping into the same career black hole that CMM and HB disappeared to?
I always thought that she was the only one of the cast who at least had the potential to have a bigger career after this show.
She did have an offer for a new show. And even if it had been picked up, she wouldn't have been able to do it because OTH was picked up by the CW for an 8th season. And she along with Joy, and some of the others had to come back no matter what because they had one more year left on their contracts. But the contracts finish this year so even if OTH is picked up for a season 9, Sophia, Austin, James, and Joy won't be obligated/forced to come back. And if they decided to go on with the show without them, lets just say the show will crash and burn withing 2 seconds of them airing it. This better be the last effin season.
Bad remake of the theme song
Hope they dont keep it that way I wonder how Gawain degraw feels and if they keep it that way how he feels.
As much as i have no real feeling on clay and quinn. I hope hope he lives only so we dont have to see/deal with a moppy sad quinn.
And what up with haley writing to lucas all of a sudden.
PRETTY GIRL AND BOYFRIEND ARE BROOKE DAVIS AND LUCAS SCOTT,
ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE! I so agree come up with something new. Leave that to the memory of brucas fans.
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