You basically murdered that cowering son of a bitch with words even harsher and more articulate than I could come up with! Hahaha!
I am so proud and in awe.
Jennifer, You ROCK! haha!
On other news, who comes to a blog and bitches about a blogger bitching... Pot meet Kettle, Pot have sex with Kettle, pot and kettle catch aids together! hahaha!
Really, guessing our nameless poster forgot what irony meant!
Dumb fuck!
oh and hello Jess! Hahaha!
***
Can't write a show review today so My Gemella did it for me! <3>
Title: Not Even an 80s Nostalgia Episode Could Save This Pile Of Festering Crap!
Before you read any further please be warned that for this week Todd is away and has asked me to fill in... so, Chrissy here is going to try her best to crap on about a show that has quite simply turned into a festering pile of shit!So, did Todd miss much? Uhm, I'd go with "no", and more-so, thank fucking god he didn't have to endure what could be labelled the worst episode that ever paid homage to a rather awesome director. Can I just say on behalf of the people everywhere who enjoy John Hughes films - I'm am eternally sorry for the pile of crap served up in your honor tonight.
Now.... where to start? So much shit, so little desire to toture myself with remembering it. But here goes...
Every aspect of this episode was beyond ridiculous! Let's start with the failed character of mooching, talentless, stab-my-eyes-out-with-your-honker, Quinn. Well damn, could the girl get any more annoying? First of all, I was taken back to the bug-eyes days of Seyton herself when that mooching James sister stared at that damn blender like an idiot who had smoked so much crack that her brain left her body. I mean seriously, Mark must have that actress channeling Peyton-whore from previous seasons because she has the bug-eyed, smashed crab, deer-in-the-headlights look down pat. And what's with pouring a smoothie all over the blonde anyway? So she called you a miserable slag - we all gotta accept the truth someday and you, Quinn-Monster, are nothing but a life-sucking, mooching, walking pity party!
So, miserable slag was a rather nice way to put what we think you really are. I mean, we all saw what that tramp wore to this supposed fundraising event (which by the way, why the fuck was Far-Quinn Idiot even involved in the first place???)... and not even her fugly crimped hair allowed me to see her as anything other than a trashy skank. Personally, I would have gone with another four-letter 's' word that rhymes with "hut". Am I supposed to feel sorry for you that your current boyfriend has an ex when you pimped yourself out to him whilst you were still married? Bitch please, you're a hooker dressed in the nice clothes you borrowed from your sister because your ass is broke. And why is it broke? Oh right, I remember now - you left your husband because he began to earn too much money and it interferred with your pathetic desire to seem artistic and deep.
Please, the shallow end of a kiddies pool floating with turds is not only more appealing, but has greater depth than this disasterous excuse for a character. I'd like to know how cruising around in her new boyfriend's sports car and staying at his waterfront property, whilst breaking expensive blenders is helping her maintain her artistic depth? And true love between Quinn and Clay? I'm sorry, but I'm still searching for Pucas' chemistry from way back in season 1 - I don't have time to try and locate it when it comes to this ridiculous excuse for a couple. I have an easier time believing Clay fell "Insanely in love with that pig." I mean, even Nathan saw that his slow-minded agent (with questionable eyesight - he does look at Quinn and not puke after all) had better chemistry with the squealing bovine runt!
Actually... maybe THAT (his attraction to all things GRUNTING and PIG-LIKE) explains his attraction to Quinn... theories?
At least I can find peace in the fact that David has a James sister bouncing on his balls and giving him what he needs - appreciation for surround sound and a nose that won't cause severe stab wounds!Well done David, you got the better end of the deal!And just remind me, because I'm having a hard time trying to wrok this shit out, how is Taylor the bitch when Quinn forgot Haley's birthday?
Pfft, Mark... do you even think about what you create in these episodes or do you honestly still have your head stuck up your ass from way back at the beginning of season 4, and have forgotten how to write a decent storyline that stays true to the characters and doesn't make me want to smash a blender of the head of a pathetic character and murder the stupid bitch? Hmmmm? Mark Schwahn = Fucking idiot.So, moving on. I'm sorry, but I have to say it - time for Jamie to be killed off. Like seriously, what IS the point of this stupid little freak? If I wanted to see the shit that I saw that little fucking runt do in this epi, I would have rented Home Alone - at least I didn't want to smother that kid to get him to shut up. Jamie can fuck off into oblivion for all I care - I don't watch this show to see him make a mess of the house and act like a fucking monkey on crack.
BORING!
Haley... oh fucking dear. Really? Everyone forgot your birthday - and not a bitch-slap in sight? Quinn at least should have gone down for forgetting that one considering the blood ties and the fact that Haley has done nothing but pimp that lame whore for how long now? And sure, Nathan tried really hard to get to you - but a second hand car bought from the original Buffy-meister is gonna cut it? Dude better have something else in store when you look at all the shoes he has... however, I will say that the Naley Sixteen Candles scene was kinda cute - but also makes this show seem extremely pathetic when you realize that the only semi-decent scene in the entire fucking episode was stolen from the very director they so shamefully tried to celebrate.
Again I say, Mark Schwahn = fucking idiot.And now onto the part that really pissed me off - Brooke.
First of all, there is NO WAY IN HELL that Brooke would have forgotten Haley's birthday, so let me just vent how fucking stupid that first Baley scene was. For a character who has spent the better half of the last four fucking seasons putting everyone except herself first, am I supposed to magically believe that she forgets her best friend's birthday? Fuck off! Seriously Mark, are you done with the character assassination of Brooke? Give it up you limp-dick mother-fucker - Brooke is better than any other bitch you throw at her and us, and no amount of degrading her will cause us to change our minds about that. Did you not learn anything from season 4?You are trying hard though, aren't you Marky Mark?
You and your funky bunch writers must all be fucking high. Take Brulian for example. Did anybody else throw shit at the television screen when Alex "I have a face like a smashed crab" Dupre, dropped their ship name? Like please, wasn't that just predictable? Alex is going to be the one that brings them back together? Excuse me while I roll my eyes with the rest of the viewers who watched, and Marky you can just sit there while the global mexican-wave of eyerolls makes it's way past you, you fucking idiot.
Seriously Mark, do you ever make the selfish whores of this show pay for what they do or do you get off on their slutty antics? I suggest therapy to get over whatever that popular girl in high school did to you and get your life back together man. Seriously. This shit is not normal for a grown man.The main problem here isn't Alex though, although that bitch is fucking annoying.
JULIAN IS A TOTAL DOUCHE BAG!
What really angers me is this big-headed moron cannot see any fault in how he is treating Brooke. For a guy who read the book and allegedly came for the "other" girl in the story - he's doing a mighty fine job of repeating the same dumbass mistakes of his predecessor, Lucas the Dufus! Seriously Mark, if I wanted to watch a total fuck stick treat Brooke like shit in order to save the pathetic girl who was a lesser version of the feisty brunette, I'd watch Lucas seasons 4 to 6! But we all know recycled storylines are your thing - originality went out the door from the beginning of season 4 and is still wandering around somewhere where your dumbass can't find it! Clearly! And what is with Brooke chasing Julian into the workshop?
And then the kiss? What the fuck?
This show just pisses me off the more it continues down this spiral of shit! Julian needs a good kick up the ass and an iron to go over that massive forehead of his, because if I have to see him pull that wrinkly "I was a nerd in high school and it has traumatised me" look again I think I might fucking hit something. Hello dumbass?
You got the hot girl now and you gave her up for a crazy junkie because you have "Mommy" issues - go home and cry about it, write it in your diary, eat tub of ice cream and then GET OVER IT you big, fucking pussy! And can I just say, being an Australian myself, the outback would KICK Julian's ass across the fucking continent... when he ranted about Aussie outbacks and called Alexander "Mate" - right then and there I knew that even me, an Aussie chick half his size, could kick that mother fucker's clueless ass black and blue.
Come to the Outback, you fucking tool, and watch it OWN you! Alexander - I'd be more than happy to see you piss Julian off because that dickhead deserves it! Oh, and let's not forget Lucas 2.0, whoops, I mean Julian, uttering that famous Lucas word... clarity.... damn, someone needs to get Markhole a dictionary so he can look up the word.. I think he is confusing it with "A moment of utter stupidity!"Moving on to Mouth... snorefest. I'd rather stab my eyes with a fucking needle. NEXT!Finally, the BL hints. The girl behind the fugly-shade-of-brown door.
You're right Brookie, it doesn't have the same ring to it, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it Mark! And using BL memories to prop a current show that is obviously failing is not gonna work when you have one half of that ship discuss how she didn't want to be the girl that was in love with the boy who loved someone else... I mean really, you throw us the Brucas locker flashback and expect us to swallow the lump of crap that spewed from Brooke's mouth when she thought back on it?
FACE IT MARK - BRUCAS WERE IN LOVE! WE KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT, SO STOP TRYING TO DRAG THEIR MEMORY THROUGH THE FUCKING MUD TO PIMP A CHEMISTRY-LACKING COUPLE THAT ARE FUCKING GONE!
Jerk off to their memory in your own time and leave us be, because we DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THEM! <-------- there's some BL nostalagia you can stick up your ass by the way!All in all, a shithouse tribute to a great director who is probably rolling in his grave right now. Sorry Mark, but this ass-kissing project was an epic fail and this show just needs to be done already. Right now, rubbing onions on my eyeballs seems like a more productive exercise that watching this festering pile of crap. Anywho, that's it for me.
Todd shall be back next week, but you are all free to vent away and show him what he missed.
Later peeps.
Chrissy.
3 comments:
Hey Toddian!
Thanks for the shout out! Its nice to be appreciated for telling fucked up freaks to go fuck themselves.LOL But you definitely rock as well for you will always remain the ultimate King of telling it EXACTLY like it is.
Now I have no idea who you are Chrissy seeing as how I’ve never met or even talked to you before, but I just have to say this- You are just AWESOME and you’ve got yourself a fan. If Toddian is the KING of speaking his mind and telling it like it is, then Chrissy has got to be the QUEEN because that was a phenomenal job at not only saying what a crappy job Mark did with this weeks tribute to John Hughes, but also basically summarizing just how awful the past few seasons(4-6) have been.
Now as for the episode, every time I see Quinn, I just want to stab my eyes out…..no wait…..actually I wanna stab HER eyes out. Toddian, you and Chrissy have done an excellent job at describing the talentless whore. She gets more and more annoying with every new episode that goes by. And then she goes and wonders why she was called a miserable slag when we all know that’s exactly what she is. But hell, if I was in the blondes shoes, I would’ve cussed the bitch out in words that made “miserable slag” look like a wonderful compliment. And that fucking ugly hairstyle where she just had to go and crimp her hair just made me wanna grab a razor and bring it to her head throughout the entire episode.
It fucking pisses me off the way I’ve seen her talk down to Haley at times on the fucking show, when she herself, is nothing but a walking tramp. Haley, out of the goodness of her heart, took the bitch in and let her mooch off her and her family. But what pisses me off even more and makes me despise Quinn is the fucking fact that David is actually a GOOD guy. He didn’t do anything wrong and I’ve been saying this since day 1. All the guy wanted was to make his wife, who just happens to be big nose Quinn, happy and make sure that he was able to get her everything and anything the bitch ever wanted. But for some reason that wasn’t good enough for her because she’d rather live her life poor and without any money. So while most people strive to work their way up the economic ladder…..Quinn prefers to take the opposite route and work her way down. What the fuck David was thinking when he married her…I have no fucking idea.
And this whole Quinn and Clay thing is starting to make me hate Clay more and more with every episode that goes by as well. The guy is starting to get irritating as fuck. They can both just merrily go jump off a cliff together.
Chrissy you basically summed up Marks’ stupidity and lack of creative ability to a Tee, so I’m not even gonna bother elaborating on what a huge fucking douche bag Mark Schwahn really is seeing as how the guy is the crappiest writer in television history.
And I thought it was really fucked up the way Mark made every character with the exception of Nathan just magically forget Haley’s birthday. Is he trying to make everyone look stupid? And I agree…how are we supposed to believe that Brooke of all people forgot Haley’s birthday when she is known to put every fucking person a head of herself. The girl literally goes out of her way to make other people happy, even if it means making herself miserable. Its as if Mark fucking Schwahn has literally made it a life mission to butcher Brooke’s character. But I agree Chrissy that NO amount of degrading her character will make any of her fans like her any less.
Oh and now we have crack whore Alex on Team Brulian trying to get them back together. Bitch please. It kinda makes it hard to believe you when your very last words before the episode finishes are “I still love him too.” So she can go fuck off.
Part 2(seeing as how I had to divide this up into two parts since it was so long.lol)
Moving on, I can’t believe that I actually went from being a Julian fan to wanting to knock his head up against a wall. Seriously…..can a guy be any more clueless or stupid?! He read Lucas’ fucking book which clearly pointed out just how badly he fucking screwed over Brooke. So for a guy to have read that and still not understand why Brooke is so insecure when it comes to Alex and love make me want to smack him in the head a couple of times until he GETS IT. Fucking douchebag Lucas screwed over Brooke so damn much and now you have Julian putting doubts in her head as well……no wonder she’s having a hard time trusting him.
As a HUGE BL fan, it was very disappointing to see the symbolic red door be painted an ugly ass shade of brown. If anything, it just made me wanna put Mark’s head into a blender and press the On button even more than I already did. The BL fans KNOW that the love they shared was REAL. So he can act like it was nothing special all he fucking wants, but he can just go fuck himself seeing as how the BL fans will NEVER forget what they used to share and what they used to have.
And I agree Chrissy-Mark’s ass-kissing project was definitely an epic fail and this show also definitely needs to be done already and lets just hope it will be.
Anyways, awesome job at ranting and reviewing Chrissy. And see ya next week Toddian!
--Jennifer
*bows down*
THIS!!!
Just wow, Chrissy! This was one awesome review, and I don’t even watch OTH anymore. (Even though I read this blog every Tuesday, heh) I truly loved One Tree Hill once upon a time, especially because of Brooke’s character; she was and will always be my favourite, and it kills me how Mark has treated her and continues to treat her! Urgh! I hate that man with a passion! So I’m glad I’m not the only one ;)
- B
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