Sophia Bush Say WHAT? Muhahaha!

So apparently Pucaser also know as Pukers, better known as dick sucking Mark scwhan SunPiss drinking Toolbags are all in a tizzy cause Sophia Bush said BL were puppy Love...

Okay... well thats her opinion. Good for her, further proving that BL ended because of personal matters and not because PUCAS were fated to spit Vile Incest Cum all over our television sets. Haha... big whoop! I mean, someone even said they are glad the actress sees that Bl meant nothing... cause well you know:

Her opinion will save many orphans, will change the space time continum, will make Mark Schwahn stop dreaming of dangling his hairy man sacks all over that chick who plays Peyton's huge eyed head... :O Haha, LOL...

My point is, who gives a fuck what Sophia Bush says? She's an actress, the only reason I watch this suck ass show but that doesn't mean her opinion means shit. Am I to believe that if she says that bathing in Sunkist will make you a good writer when we all have seen proof (ie Mark Schwahn) that its not true? Haha, LOL... stupid Pukers.

Then again these are the same people who though that they were SEYTON SawSLUT in real life. AKA *CRAZY FUCKING FOOLS*

So... my words of advice are that Sophia Bush is an actress and it is her job to pimp whatever will make her some money, whatever is in her best interest. And since allowing Julian the Forehead Monger will get her a paycheck and keep her away from that creepy ex-husband of hers, I'd say its just GOOD business...


Oh my god, it's PUCAS!!!

Oh no wait, it's just Mark's lack of creativity and his ever-missing gonads!

So... what could have potentially been an amazing episode turned into a fucking fizzer yet again. I am now more than convinced that these lame writers were picked from the cereal aisle of the local market because they don't know dick about drama, realism or chemistry.

What they do know about, however, is killing off the wrong characters, turning the great ones into emerging psychos, making the strongest chick turn into a fucking marshmallow and redeeming fuckstick characters in such a way that redemption was never acquired and televison sets were destroyed globally due to viewer rage.

Where to start?

Probably with the good stuff because it won't take long. Lindsey McKeon killed it. Hands down the BEST acting this show has seen in a long time and Taylor was by far my favorite. I cannot believe that they went for the retarded option of choosing Shantel or whatever the fuck that twat wants to call herself, and shove this disgustingly poor-acting bitch in our faces through the inane character of Quinn, when we could have gone through a redemption storyline with Taylor and an actress who actually knows what she is doing.

Lame Mark, real lame.You writers are fucking retarded. There is no other words for you!

R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D!!! Hmm, well I think even that word is giving Dork Schwahn and his Merry Gang of Hack Ball licking writers, too much credit.

Not that Taylor needed much redemption in my opinion - Haley never hated her this much before, but throw holier-than-though Queen McBeak into the mix and suddenly Taylor is the worst thing to ever hit the James family. Newsflash you dumb fucks, Taylor rocks and Quinn sucks manly, festering balls. Mark, get your shaft out of that bitch's mouth and realize she can't act for crap and stop this torture before it goes any further.

Now, the reasons why this show is currently spinning around in the shitter en-route to the sewage plant.Haley - I'm sorry hun, but you bored me to tears. That whole Mom/soup whatever... totally stupid. I may be a cold and heartless bitch for saying this, but I just couldn't buy into you tonight and I think the death scene for Lydia was sweet... but a bit Notebook for me when she saw her dead husband right before taking her last breath?

Come on now...

that was just shit and i kinda laughed a little.

Maybe it was just haley's scenes with Quinn that made me feel indifferent. or the Naley that was just hugging and sobbing.. whatever, I was bored. Quinn though and her self-righteous rant on Taylor was fucked up. "Collossal Selfish Bitch".

Right, Quinn calls Taylor that, yet you don't see Taylor leaving her husband and being that collossally selfish... interesting... But really, Haley was okay... I just felt that they could have had her drama last a little longer. I mean, even the Nathan scandal at the beginning of the season lasted longer than this storyline. What the fuck is with that shit? Suddenly Bethany has a chance to act and they make her cram it all into like a few episodes.

And where the fuck is the Baley love? Somewhere in the land of "DONT SUCK" which the Schwahn has been Banished from since season 3 ended.

Not even an acknowledgement at the funeral?

No hospital visits?

Nothing?

FUCK OFF MARK if you think we're going to buy into that crap.

Baley is the best friendship on the show and once again, you can't find a way to enhance that which is good about the show. You all must be shit sniffers professionally because you seem to love the smell this show is putting off!

Nathan. Serving no purpose yet again. Wait? Who the hell is Nathan? Haha, just kidding... thats the corpse that stands around like a coat hanger, correct? I was kinda touched with last week with his whole "being a great dad and husband" routine, but that lasted all of five minutes.

Put a ball in his hands and send him off to camp or whatever cos I'm tired already. And that fucking ferret son of theirs just holds zero interest for me. Get the fuck off my screen before I shoot you. NEXT!

Clay/Katie - could be interesting, but in true Mark "I Ate My Dick For Lunch And Now I Don't Know What I'm Doing" form, once there is competition for the couple he "envisions" as end game, time to annihiliate the opposing side (Brooke character assassination season 4, anyone?)

Well done jerk off, you've managed to scrape the crusty remains of that series of shit and spread a great pile of it over the Katie character. Really Mark, all those monkey writers sucking on your nads and all you can come up with is the repeated storyline of a crazy person?

Derek and Carrie not good enough for you? Face it shithead, chemistry is chemistry, and you might understand that if you ever got off your dorky butt in high school and tried to take your dick for a spin instead of whining over that punk-wannabe blonde cheerleader who clearly had no idea who you were.

That also goes for viewers being able to see that a duck-face Quinn gremlin holds no romantic spark for this Clay Evans dude, no matter how many "I Love You's" you try to throw in each episode, nor the amount of time you spend trying to get him to kiss her. And yes, I said TRYING. Chick's lips must be covered with chilli or ice cos he can't seem to attach them properly... I'm just saying. When they make out it's like two worms trying to mate. Disturbing at the highest level. Fucking yuck!

What else?

Oh, Mouth. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

In what alternate universe would Mouth... MOUTH... ever get the girls he seems to grab on this show. Dude looks like a fucking walrus on crack and yet these girls seem to find some interest in him? I call BULLSHIT! Big, stinking, ate-too-much-nachos-for-lunch BULLSHIT!

What kind of a dude snakes his BEST FRIEND's girl when he is staying in HIS house and he's away on business. Mouth, you need to be stabbed in your sleep or something because the lectures you gave to Millie mean jack shit now, you insufferable turd! And to have Lauren go from being smart and NOT going out with him, to randomly taking a chance at the end and macking out with him - FUCKING GROSS!


And now Skills is back (jail time clearly over I assume???) and looking fine as always... and they just stand there like dumb fucking deers in the headlights. Karma is a bitch Marky mark and you are so gonna find out one day that friendship ebtrayal in order to get some actually hurts, and anyone with HALF a brain doesn't buy into it.Pucasers clearly have less than half a brain, in case you were all wondering. Tools.

Alex - aren't you a pool of self-loathing? Well she does have to wake up everyday and realized she will forever be tied to this suckass show forever.

Ha-di-fucking-ha-ha you stupid wench! Punched in the face by Brooke, sleeping with Alexander only to have him turn you down for Victoria Davis (yep, our young aussie designer fell for and tapped that VD - anyone else disturbed by her initials???), winding up getting filmed screwing the lead in the film... and you get turned down by guys who prefer a little Davis action. Oh well, sucks to be you.

My advice? CUT DEEPER! Not gonna lie, read this and thought it said deep throat.

Finally, Brooke. Oh no wait, she wasn't in this episode because the Brooke I know and love would NEVER apologize to Julian for all the shit he put her through. Nor would she ever say that her and Alex were "Okay" and apologize to her either!

BITCH TRIED TO STEAL YOUR MAN!

Oh my god Mark, you are such a fucking dick! Of course Brooke thought Julian slept with Alex, and his whole "So you still don't trust me" was suddenly made okay because SHE took all the blame in this? She chases him, she apologizes to Alex, she gets kicked off the set.... and she is the one saying sorry? Julian, word to the wise - PUT YOUR WOMAN FIRST!

No self-respecting chick would ever be second to any other chick... I guess Austin's licking of Mark's ass crack really got him places. More like they have been recreating the love scene from Brokeback Mountain and Marks been taking too many hit up his ass - where coincidentally his brains are located. Who knew?

Yeah Julian, go kiss Brooke and have make up sex without having to apologize at all, you fucking piece of crap. And who else thinks this "magical" (sorry, just choked on the thought of Boolian being anything other than a festering pile of shit) reunion moment is going to eventuate in that predictable miracle baby for Brooke.

NOOOOOOOOO! How about Brooke just get Cancer and die... I'd rather that happen than watch my girl secret anything that is gonna be bred of douche bag pond cum from The Julie-monster! That Pussy ass bitch!

FUCK OFF!

Julian is more believable bending over and taking it up the arse from Mark than actually being the right guy for Brooke Fucking Davis!

Remember her, Mark? The girl everyone liked better than Peyton... no matter how much shit you threw her way or how bad you tried to make her look? Now, you turn her into Seyton and people are losing faith - so what does that tell you? Mark Schwahn is a serious douche.

So, where do we go from here?Well, since we're heading down Boring Shit Highway, I'd say the chances of these last four episodes being entertaining are pretty slim.

I predict a Boolian spawn. Ugh, Now how can Julian impregnant Brooke when His Dick is currently shoved to far up his own ass (to spill his seed) Muhahaha!

Naley nothing-ness, Quinn/Clay forced relationship and one crazy stalker who may prove to be the best additon to the show yet. Even crazy, Katie/Sara's chemistry with Clay pissed all over Quinn's chemistry with him. Not too hard seeing as Katie/Sarah has a pulse.

And some lame Mouth/Skills issue with Lauren that will affect Millie - even though we all know that on his worst day Skills would be the more desirabe of the two. This show is a fucking joke!That's it for me this week though... I'm so pissed off at what this show has become that I'm not gonna sign any lame season 8 petitions. This show isn't even a shell of its former self, so why would I endorse its return?

THE CW AND MARK CAN KISS MY ASS!

Anyway, rant, review... have your say!

Later peeps,

Chrissy & Toddian

Much Love Homies

Douchebags and Hookers on Parade… Oh and a small matter of a fucked up petition!

Haha… I love Chris’ title BTW!

So, did I watch this fucking boring ass show?

Hell Nah… I can already guess that Julian keeps shoving his removable balls up his own ass (yes fucking himself over) when it comes to Brooke. I hear he supposedly slept with Alex (MAYBE) well, hasn’t this storyline been done 100 times… Season 3 Brucas/Seyton Cry’s A lot with that sagging face and popeyed SaWhore at the sparkle classic or whatever, or Mouth and Gigi season 5 or 6 – I’m not sure seeing ass usually I chose that time to pluck random hairs from my ass crack.

Yes, Yes… and I’m sure Moonfaced Quinn allowed us to see that droopy pelican Nose blow out booger chunks as she whined or cried about something? No, well first time for everything except great acting ((cause we know we will never get that from that amateur kiddie actress))?
My point is why petition… and yes there is a petition to keep this show alive … when we get nothing in return?

Did Haley and Nathan actually talk about Haley’s dying mom? Did Brooke find her brain wherever its been hiding and use Julian – who is about as useful as thin ass one ply tissue – to wipe his shitty existence from her ass? … probably/probably not, but at this point I could watch a Dan tongue Victoria and be less disgusted.

This show has turned to shit! Well, actually its been shitty since season 3 ended, but damn it do people really think that I or any one else with sense is gonna sign a fucking petition to keep this shit on air? Um, NO FUCKING WAY! Not until we the people who kept this suckass show alive with any payoff, get our just due!

1. UNTIL JULIAN and ALEX are dead, well Mark and company can gargle my balls and their own for that matter! I’m tired of Brooke being shitted on because Mark’s dick can’t grow and inch past his pinky and he can’t man up and admit she pawned his pet characters (ie Seyton and Now QuinNasty)!

2. GIVE BROOKE a GOOD MAN and a MOTHER FUCKING STORYLINE! I don’t care if he comes about a fucking cereal box, just give the girl what she wants so I can see those gorgeous dimples again. Sophia Bush is an awesome actress for being able to endure this abuse and actually not use the same crying face like some has-been OTH ex-character that I know.

3. UM… can Haley for once not have to share the spotlight with anyone?

4. Can Baley be real friends and please stop mentioning Seyton the Wonder Slut!

5. CLAY must stay away from Seyton incarnate aka QuinNasty Harlot from hell! This chick could suck the out of fucking ward of newborns! Lifeless she-demon! Go mooch off some poison and die, you useless character! Who the hell uses their dead mom to get a fucking studio…?

What did she say?

Quinn: Oh Mom, you are going to die? Then who will I mooch from when Haley removes the dumb stick Mark Schwahn currently shoved up her ass?

MOM: I don’t know you dumb fuck! I’m just hear to be killed off so that people watch for Haley even though it will show case you. How about I just give you a studio even though I sold all my property season 1 to live in an RV with my dead husband that was never mentioned – EVER!

Excreta…. And until our Demands and others are met, why should we petition. And judging by what Chris told me about this new episode, nothing is gonna change.

***
Douchebags and Hookers on Parade

I think that must be the name of Alex's script, plus that's the only way I can describe that attempt of entertainment I had to endure tonight. What a pile of shit! That being said, there were a couple of things that I actually didn't mind in the crap that was this episode, but they were few and far between and let's be honest - no one wants to sift through shit to find something worthwhile... likelihood is, it's all just stinky shit in the end.

But in the name of fairness and rational thought (something Mark knows nothing about, clearly), let me just get these semi-decent aspects of the episode off my chest before I spiral into the inevitable ass-kicking I'm about to dish on Mark-hole Schwahn-bitch.Firstly, Bethany Joy killed it tonight! Can I just say, that chick really knows how to pull off a tortured look. I mean really, she nailed every scene she was in tonight, which is pretty inspiring considering she also directed the episode, so props to her. I also liked Bess Armstrong in this episode.

It feels like we're gonna lose her soon and it's a shame because she can act circles around the fluff that is portraying her lame daughter Quinn. But Mark was never one to recognize talent - he did hire Hilarie after all based on his weird man-crush... pervy freak!Secondly, it was nice to see Nathan standing by his wife, taking the back seat to let Haley's storyline take front and center and even the kind words he had with Lydia were pretty cool.

It's a tough job trying to get me to appreciate Nathan's character (I only ever liked him season 1 and 2/3 when he was angry and giving either Lucas or Haley hell)... but tonight, I kinda dug him. Just a little. I'm sure it's just a passing phase though... and I have to add, even though it's probably mean and I did like him tonight, did anyone else crack up when they saw Nathan sitting on that damn couch reading a book? Playbook I might have bought, but Nathan ACTUALLY reading a book voluntarily... erm, no. Sorry dude.

You're a dumbass, that's why Haley tutored you. Don't think we forgot that.Finally, the last great thing about tonight's episode, and probably the best thing all-round - LIMITED QUINN!

Thank fucking god! I saw the heavens open and shine a beam of light when I realized I had gone through the show and only managed to see her a handful of times! It was nice that my up-chuck reflex was allowed to rest a little tonight when it comes to that pathetic excuse for a woman. I did cringe during the scenes with Clay though because that fucking pair have ZERO chemistry, but all in all, her lack of appearance really did the show some good!

What I find particularly hilarious though is the blank look she has on her face when she's trying to do emotional scenes - I swear she is trying to channel the bug-eyed look of Peyton but gets lost trying to think too hard on it and her face just freezes up like a mug shot of an arrested hooker on crack. Speaking of hookers, what the hell was she wearing in her new studio? Slut Barn must still be in business...

Well she is a slut... maybe she went into business with that free studio the slut mooched off her dead mom?

Yeah Quinn, real arty and deep with that get up. Smashed crab is you. I find it especially funny that in the three second scene Clay had with wifey-look-alike "Katie", I actually saw some purpose to him and reasons why he was hired. ((You mean other than to help beavers build dams with those chisled teeth?)) He had more chemistry in those three seconds with "Katie" than he has ever had with the multitude of visual punishing we have had to endure when his life is drained by Quinn. Quinn/Clay = epic fail!

Now... On to the ranting.

FUCK YOU MARK SCHWAHN YOU LIMP DICK MOTHER FUCKER!

Seriously? Seriously? What the fuck is so wrong with you that you feel it so necessary to annihilate Brooke and turn her into this needy, chasing dumb-shit? She is totally losing her pride by running after Julian. Brooke Davis is NOT like that! What happened to that character building we've seen these past 6 seasons? Did you just decide to forget that she has a fucking backbone and wouldn't put up with this shit?Let's go over this, shall we?Lucas - Although I loved Brucas, Brooke held the upper hand in this relationship. He had to fight for her and when she was done, it was done. Finito. End of story. Run to your second choice Peyton cos Brookie don't want ya!

Owen - Kicked his ass to the curb when he couldn't commit. No qualms, no seconds thoughts, no pity.

Felix - Dumped his ass and fired up when he hurt her friend (and I used that term lightly because we all know Peyton is anything but!) Either way, he was no match!

Peyton - Slapped that bitch stupid anytime she stepped out of line.

Victoria - Fired her own mother when she was treating her like garbage.

X - Kicked that bitch's ass when he came after Sam......and I'm supposed to believe that Julian is so magical that she subjects herself to his shit without so much as a fight?

Hell fucking no!

That little flat-headed ferret is so self-involved that he is using his ex girlfriend to pimp himself as a director and inflate that already giant head of his. I wanted to scream bloody murder what that fuck-stick through some lines at poor Brooke...

"I don't remember telling you to stay out of my way." - Uhm, wake up you fucking moron, clearly that giant head of yours is full of air because when you break up with someone, that's exactly the message you're sending them!

Come here/go away, come here/go away - make up your damn mind you prick!

"At least they're going for it!" - What the fuck? Maybe they meant going for the biggest Douche Bag without a brain or a dick award?

Brooke is hanging off you in a bid to get your attention, even though you are the massively big-headed, tiny-packing ass-wipe who sent her on her way, and you dare throw that line in her face like she's not going for it. Arrogant, self-centered pig! Go roll in the mud with that boar Alex and squeal like the little bitch you are.

"When Brooke puts up a wall..." - No fuck-head, it's actually more the case of "When Julian puts up a wall of slutty wannabe actresses who prefer blows of every kind than actually being a woman of substance and I moronically choose them over my perfect girlfriend..."(Julian's a Pussy... maybe he wants to get close to alex so he can kill her, steal her identity, and become a woman. Lord knows he already lacks balls... :D)

I've had it with that good-for-nothing piece of shit. I felt for Brooke when she took that chance and found a naked Alex in his bed - that dude has serious mental issues. Like, the face explains it all now - he's a dumb-fuck! I just want him to die a horrible, slutty, std-infected death. I hope he did sleep with Alex, because the chances of his dick falling off after a ride in that lemon are fairly high.

Speaking of Alex being a lemon, Alexander is the bomb! ((Yeah Julian, Alexander is the Bomb Like Tick! Tick! You shit head, inflatable head having bastard!))

I clapped and cheered when he practically told her she was useless in the sack, stating he had done all the work. Preach it, brother! And then to add insult to injury he totally tells her chances are no one will see the film. Well, shove that down your gagging throat you good-for-nothing slore! But then what do we see? Alex gets to have the feistiness that is missing from my Brookie? I'm sorry Mark, but no one can do feisty like Brooke Davis, so you might as well shove your face back up your rectum and sniff a little longer, ‘cos your shit stinks!

I'm not even going to discuss Jamie. I don't care for him, don't care for his sorrow about Grandma, just plain don't care. Call me harsh or whatever... but that little freak annoys me. Next!Hmm, what else?

Victoria taking a lover? GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Having it be Julian's dad? Kinda funny scene because that woman is growing on me... however standing her up at the end of the show, that was bullshit. I think Markhole has an issue with these Davis women and is in need of some therapy... possibly the medicated kind ‘cos it seems like the dude is out of his damn mind!

Millicent/Owen/Mouth/Lauren - YAWN.

I liked Owen in this episode, even though he was channeling wolfman. Yeah he's a douche for leaving Brooke when she went all "baby mama" on him, but I guess I can understand the hesitation. Tonight he redeemed himself for me and the fact that he is a thorn in Mouth's side is awesome. I think Mouth just needs to fuck off already because I was really disgusted by him and Lauren. I mean really Mouth, are you that fucking retarded? Haley gives a speech about making every moment count by being with the one you love...

and you turn up at Lauren's house? MARKs back on the CRACK ALERT! CRACK ALERT!

You really are a dumb fuck.

I may hate Brulian, but at least Brooke got the hint. You, on the other hand, are just a stupid a-hole. That being said, I don't give a fuck about Mouth, Millie or Lauren, so whatever. Fast forward for me!At the end of the episode I was left feeling that familiar disappointed feeling that seems to be synonymous with One Tree Hill these days. I miss the days of great writing and characters with depth! I miss when the main characters were propped by the lesser characters.

I miss when the sub-characters disappeared after their story was obviously done. I miss the originality of the show. I miss the characters being who they are, not alien versions of themselves.

I MISS ONE TREE HILL!

This shit we're being dished up in NOT One Tree Hill... recycled storylines can suck dick as far as I'm concered. Mark Schwahn has lost it... his talent pool has dried up and I'm guessing he'll be crying in the corner like a baby when he realizes that no one will want to dedicate an episode to him as a director because he just plain sucks donkey balls.Anyway, that's it for me and this failed episode.

Agree? YES! Disagree? FUCK KNOW! Throwing shit at your television too? Yep and Mu lunch with my mouth! Muhahaha!

Rant away amigos...

Later peeps!

Chrissy & Toddian

Much Love Homies

Rumors, Spumors, And the Schwahn's obvious Brain tumor

So, I’m pretty sure most have heard the rumors that there might not be a season 8 of One tree Hill!

Hallelujah!

Has the Holy trinity heard my wayward prayers and decided to prevent Dork Schwahn from spreading these Rabbis infested disease also known as PRO-SLUT SHITTY ‘Rather Have AIDS than logic and constancy’ BULLSHIT he calls writing?

Has Hell finally decided to open up and swallow this half-ass hour of Mark Schwahn sucking his own gonads and pretending it’s a blonde skeletal, talentless actress?

((Which BTW is so fucking creepy, I mean what sort of writer’s Johnson gets set aflame by dreaming of screwing an actress who couldn’t show emotion if she were squeezing out a spawn with medication.))

Probably the same writer who actually thinks pissing on fans and the screenplay, letting it dry, then waving that stinky piece of shit in everyone’s faces ((ie, Pucas flashback scenes of boredom and hell and trying to destroy BL memories by adding dick face or rather dick wrapped around his forehead, Julian into the mix))!

And that makes this Dumb Fuck Hack writer just…

FUCKING GROSS!

That Don Imus lookin’ Script-WHORE!

That’s right; the Schwahn is a script whore! Dudes been pimping out the same storylines since season 4. He’s like a crack head using a once great but now nasty body for sex to get his high, repeatedly! And the nerve of Pukers… see … to say ratings are down because Sir McSquinty and his Skeletal Skank-whore are gone?

Nah, they have been down since Pucas started season 4 and whenever they break up it goes back to normal. In fact, most BLers quit by the middle season 6 after the disrespect and there is no way to get them back to watching if the Schwahn, the guy who allowed it, is still there. So… NEXT!

I could talk about Idiot Pucas lovers all day, but I’d rather talk about interesting shit! Hahaha! Those boring mother fuckers!

The fact is that the beginning of season 7 had the same ratings as the end of season 6 when Pucas was everywhere spreading doom, gloom, stank-ass cheese and emo boredom to the world.
Nope season 7 started suck when moonfaced Quinn dragged beaver tooth clay into the dark, talentless abyss with her sucky acting. When Millie and ugly ass monkey *I mean Mouth* took over the show and Midget Jamie wouldn’t do what everyone wanted which was:

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Giving Haley James little to no storyline without crazy nannies or boring ass Nate’s basketball juggling!

And the biggest one was always hurting our fair BROOKLYN! Taking Camel Humped forehead Julian and morphing him into triple camel humped head LucASS clone 2.0 was the last a straw! I know Brooke and Haley have a huge fan bases and pissing us off is not wise.

And Mark calls this shit EPIC!
More Like E(PathetIC)…

Why? Well, I’ll let my girl Chris explain that in her review of the last suck ass episode.

*enter Chrissy*

EPIC - Something phenomenonally bad masked as something good in an effort to try and convince others that it isn't one big pile of steaming shit!
Judging by the way Mark views this word - This episode was as EPIC as Pucas - nice work, Marky Mark!

So hey, hi, howdy, hello and all that junk... Chrissy here again, helping out my Todd and watching this stinking crapbag show for yet another week, scratching my head as to where on earth the magic that used to be One Tree Hill has disappeared to and wondering how I'm going to get back the hour of my life it just sucked from me in it's failed attempt of entertaining me.

Shall we begin?

I feel the need to blurt out the obvious here and start with those James girls. ((Please tell me one of these bitches is dead!))

I mean really, did we not get enough of the tag-team of Quinn and her cheerleader Haley last week? ((Once was too much))

We seriously have to sit through them acting all holier-than-thou with Taylor, yet again? I clapped when Taylor yelled at Haley for acting like she knew what was best for everyone - here, fucking here! I mean, I love Haley, but please bitch, if you keep shoving your smug attitude and condescending tone down everyone's throat I'm gonna be on the fast track to hating you. Excuse me for remembering that whilst Taylor stirred trouble in season 2, she was also the girl who stood by Haley when she decided to leave Nathan for the tour, and she was also the girl that Haley called when she knew Nathan was travelling back home after attempting to see her on tour, and she was also the girl who told Nathan to be faithful to his wife and to have faith in them - THAT WAS ALL TAYLOR! NOT QUINN! But character assassination in order to prop a worthless, less-loved character is a total Mark move... I should have known...

So, this brings me back to my question... David broke up with Taylor? WHY? ((Mark needed something to fill the time while he sat on the shitter))

It wasn't like his ex was any better than the current James he was shacked up with, and let's face it, she would have been a better lay, if for no other reason than the proportionate nose she has on her (I still say Far-Quinn Idiot is a health hazard!) Then comes that line...

"You're not seriously looking to me for sympathy?"

Did anyone else let out a sigh of shocked and appalled air at that statement? Like, are you fucking kidding me? The vapid whore left her husband for fucked up reasons, spent zero time mourning him before moving on to another poor, unsuspecting soul that she could drain the life out of (which by the way, I will NEVER forgive that cock-sucking Mark bitch for ruining the potential of Clay), and she manages to utter the EXACT words we have been screaming at the television, in regards to her, for how long now?

Does anyone else think Mark gets a rise out of being a total, fucking wanker? (( See Mark Schwahn's HOW TO RUIN YOUR MEALTICKET FOR DUMMIES PART DEUX: ssn 6-7))

And really, must Clay profess his love to Quinn EVERY episode? Please bitch, saying it doesn't make it visible, and we don't see it. We never have, we never will. Move on already.

Quinn is SUCH a waste a space, and not even her half attempt at crying and being all saddened by her dying Mom made me like her... especially since Haley and Taylor acted their asses off and smashed her pathetic attempt of being depressed, out of the ball park. I mean really, where was Momma James supporting Haley when she wanted to follow her deams? She certainly wasn't giving her daughter 6 months of free rent in a shop to get started - well Quinn.... what can I say except that wench only proved one thing this episode - once a mooch, always a mooch! I just HATE this character!

Now I don't know about you guys, but when Clay called her baby, I swear to you all, I tasted a little vomit in my mouth - it brought me back to the days of watching Pucas attempt chemistry, where my up-chuck reflex was tested on a weekly basis. Lesson here? CHEMISTRY is needed for a couple to be believable and well-liked. Proof? Season 2 was the HIGHEST rated season of this show, and what did it entail? Naley and Brucas angst. What did it NOT entail? Any romantic Pucas of any kind and no couples without chemistry. Wake the fuck up Mark and start sniffing the pile of shit you seem to think we enjoy having shoved down our throats... Quinn sucks! Quinn and Clay suck even harder! Kill off the bitch already and give Haley a decent storyline to sink her teeth into.

Oh, and just out of curiosity - when did Haley's dad die? ((Good Question... Wait, haley has parents?))Like seriously, I must have been bored out of my brain in the episode they killed him off. And yet... I don't care. Whatever.

Haley's other half - Nathan - well, wasn't this just the most pointless episode for him? I mean really, he got paid for that shit? Walking around after his little freak of a son and getting owned by Julian on set? In what alternate universe would Julian EVER get one up on Nate and make him look stupid? Give me a mother fucking break! I will say though, he did have the best line in this show when we had a brief Brathan moment... "Let me know if you need me to knock some sense into the guy!"

YES NATHAN, DO IT! Channel your old-school, ass-kicking godliness and smash that fuckstick Julian back to whatever rock he crawled out from and stop him treating Brooke like a fucking doormat!

Speaking on things I wipe my feet on - Grubbs, really? Nice singing, but I don't give a shit who his girlfriend is. NEXT!

So, moving on... Millie. Is it just me or does no one even care about this storyline anymore? I don't!

When those bitches waked into the store I couldn't even raise an eyebrow to show my interest in that scene and the junkie-wannabe's problems - I simply don't give a fuck. Go snort some bad blow and be gone already. Seriously, you were more fun when you played in the shadows on the Tree Hill playground and served your actual purpose of propping the main characters, not eating away at their screen time with your lame story. Go and pimp Brooke, and maybe that will drag her away from the insanely frustrating and boring storyline she seems to have landed in.

BRULIAN. *gags* BOO-Lian

Mark says romantic build-up - I say eye-gouging seems more productive. I could create more romantic build-up letting a bull loose in a paddock full of cows.

Speaking of dumb animals, anyone else wanna hurl Alex through a window? ((Do those insect walking sticks count as animals?))

So what, she's all Team Brulian now and we're supposed to like her all of a sudden? You know, for a guy that spends a lot of time bringing up the past to pimp his new season (Aunt Seyton, Uncle Skills and "Working with my ex boyfriend in my ex-ex boyfriend's house" pathetic throw ins, just to name a few), dumbfuck Mark seems to easily forget that the last girl who went after Brooke's man and then encouraged her to get back with him, turned around and acted like a total slut YET AGAIN with the dude, and we're supposed to believe Alex is any different?

And don't even get me started on her and Alexander! But hey, he's a designer, maybe he can teach her how to use scissors properly! And please, keep on kissing Brooke on the cheek so I can enjoy watching big-headed Julian swallow the same shit he has been dishing out to Brooke for how long now? I know Julian probably swallows, but I doubt its shit... Muhahahaha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you fucking douchebag!

What are we seeing happen here? It's simple - Mark recycling storylines, yet again! Quite frankly, season 4 was the moment that dick lost all my respect. And what's with dropping all these lines about Alex being "hot" - go hump her then and leave your twisted, morbid fantasies away from my television screen. I swear, this writer must get off on slutty whores who treat their "friends" like shit - jerk off to those bitches in your own time and try really hard to remember that REAL WOMEN don't buy into that shit!

(( Seeing as the dude has been humping a cardboard cut out of Seyton for nearly six years - I doubt he knows anything about REAL women))

A bitch like Seyton and a bitch like Alex would have been handled good and proper by any woman I know, and slapped senseless would have been a nice way to put what those hoes would have endured because of their antics. I always forget, that in the world of Mark, if you act like a backstabbing, two-faced whore, you've got nothing to worry about. Now there's a great life lesson to teach the younger generation that watch your show. "SLUT PAYS OFF." That should be the show's new tagline. That, and "Mark = dumbass!"

Finally, Brooke. Oh my god, stab my fucking eyes out and use them as hockey pucks because this is NOT Brooke. She doesn't pine after some guy who puts everyone except her, first. She doesn't throw longing stares at some asshat who isn't smart enough to see how amazing she is, even though he's read a whole book about it (now how's that for dumb?). She doesn't buy into his bullshit when he throws out "I Miss You" but then doesn't have the balls to do something about treating her right! And she doesn't tell the guy who treated her like shit how great a job he's doing at work and making him feel good about himself when he's the limp-dick mother fucker who broke her damn heart because he got off on some crackhead whore lusting after him.

Brooke Davis has SELF ESTEEM and she doesn't take shit like this from jerkoffs who treat her like garbage! She kicks and then dumps their ass. And now she is being nice to Alex? She couldn't even manage that with her best friend, and THAT is the kind of realistic Brooke (circa season 1-3) that I want to see. Not this doormat version that Mark seems to be so fond of. Grab your lame time machine, you freak of a writer, and transport yourself back to the days when women were happy to be doormats and then stay there. If you enjoy that kind of woman, then fine - but don't try to change the best character of the show into a lame version of herself. Give us our Brookie back, PRONTO!

Okay... so, all in all... I'm left with three words.

WHAT THE FUCK?

What the fuck happened to Brooke? Been possessed by Seyton. The only saving grace is that she also has NOT been possessed by Hil's lack of acting ablity too otherwise we'd all be screwed!

What the fuck is Julian eating to make his head grow so damn big? Squint-o-Flakes!

What the fuck is Quinn still doing on my screen? Mark probably asked her: Do you spit or swallow?

What the fuck makes the writers think we give a shit about crackhead Millie? They share drugs and a brain?

What the fuck was Nathan's purpose in this episode? What the fuck has been this dudes purpose since he and luke became friends season 1?

What the fuck kind of a name is Grubbs? Well the Schwahn couldn't name him "MY SHOW IS IN THE SHITTER", so Grubbs was the next best alternative.

What the fuck happened to this damn show? in the shitter! hahaha!

WHAT THE FUCK, MARK?

Anyway, share your thoughts or whatever. I have a feeling my gorgeous amigo Todd is going to make me rant at you poor people from now on, so good luck with that :)

Later peeps!

Chrissy

& Toddian....

Much love Homies

Jennifer - You Fucking Rock!

I'd like to shout out Jennifer for telling that random, assfucking, poster whom was too much of a coward to even leave their name - where to shove their bullshit! Haha!

You basically murdered that cowering son of a bitch with words even harsher and more articulate than I could come up with! Hahaha!

I am so proud and in awe.

Jennifer, You ROCK! haha!

On other news, who comes to a blog and bitches about a blogger bitching... Pot meet Kettle, Pot have sex with Kettle, pot and kettle catch aids together! hahaha!

Really, guessing our nameless poster forgot what irony meant!

Dumb fuck!

oh and hello Jess! Hahaha!

***

Can't write a show review today so My Gemella did it for me! <3>

Title: Not Even an 80s Nostalgia Episode Could Save This Pile Of Festering Crap!

Before you read any further please be warned that for this week Todd is away and has asked me to fill in... so, Chrissy here is going to try her best to crap on about a show that has quite simply turned into a festering pile of shit!So, did Todd miss much? Uhm, I'd go with "no", and more-so, thank fucking god he didn't have to endure what could be labelled the worst episode that ever paid homage to a rather awesome director. Can I just say on behalf of the people everywhere who enjoy John Hughes films - I'm am eternally sorry for the pile of crap served up in your honor tonight.

Now.... where to start? So much shit, so little desire to toture myself with remembering it. But here goes...

Every aspect of this episode was beyond ridiculous! Let's start with the failed character of mooching, talentless, stab-my-eyes-out-with-your-honker, Quinn. Well damn, could the girl get any more annoying? First of all, I was taken back to the bug-eyes days of Seyton herself when that mooching James sister stared at that damn blender like an idiot who had smoked so much crack that her brain left her body. I mean seriously, Mark must have that actress channeling Peyton-whore from previous seasons because she has the bug-eyed, smashed crab, deer-in-the-headlights look down pat. And what's with pouring a smoothie all over the blonde anyway? So she called you a miserable slag - we all gotta accept the truth someday and you, Quinn-Monster, are nothing but a life-sucking, mooching, walking pity party!

So, miserable slag was a rather nice way to put what we think you really are. I mean, we all saw what that tramp wore to this supposed fundraising event (which by the way, why the fuck was Far-Quinn Idiot even involved in the first place???)... and not even her fugly crimped hair allowed me to see her as anything other than a trashy skank. Personally, I would have gone with another four-letter 's' word that rhymes with "hut". Am I supposed to feel sorry for you that your current boyfriend has an ex when you pimped yourself out to him whilst you were still married? Bitch please, you're a hooker dressed in the nice clothes you borrowed from your sister because your ass is broke. And why is it broke? Oh right, I remember now - you left your husband because he began to earn too much money and it interferred with your pathetic desire to seem artistic and deep.

Please, the shallow end of a kiddies pool floating with turds is not only more appealing, but has greater depth than this disasterous excuse for a character. I'd like to know how cruising around in her new boyfriend's sports car and staying at his waterfront property, whilst breaking expensive blenders is helping her maintain her artistic depth? And true love between Quinn and Clay? I'm sorry, but I'm still searching for Pucas' chemistry from way back in season 1 - I don't have time to try and locate it when it comes to this ridiculous excuse for a couple. I have an easier time believing Clay fell "Insanely in love with that pig." I mean, even Nathan saw that his slow-minded agent (with questionable eyesight - he does look at Quinn and not puke after all) had better chemistry with the squealing bovine runt!

Actually... maybe THAT (his attraction to all things GRUNTING and PIG-LIKE) explains his attraction to Quinn... theories?

At least I can find peace in the fact that David has a James sister bouncing on his balls and giving him what he needs - appreciation for surround sound and a nose that won't cause severe stab wounds!Well done David, you got the better end of the deal!And just remind me, because I'm having a hard time trying to wrok this shit out, how is Taylor the bitch when Quinn forgot Haley's birthday?

Pfft, Mark... do you even think about what you create in these episodes or do you honestly still have your head stuck up your ass from way back at the beginning of season 4, and have forgotten how to write a decent storyline that stays true to the characters and doesn't make me want to smash a blender of the head of a pathetic character and murder the stupid bitch? Hmmmm? Mark Schwahn = Fucking idiot.So, moving on. I'm sorry, but I have to say it - time for Jamie to be killed off. Like seriously, what IS the point of this stupid little freak? If I wanted to see the shit that I saw that little fucking runt do in this epi, I would have rented Home Alone - at least I didn't want to smother that kid to get him to shut up. Jamie can fuck off into oblivion for all I care - I don't watch this show to see him make a mess of the house and act like a fucking monkey on crack.

BORING!

Haley... oh fucking dear. Really? Everyone forgot your birthday - and not a bitch-slap in sight? Quinn at least should have gone down for forgetting that one considering the blood ties and the fact that Haley has done nothing but pimp that lame whore for how long now? And sure, Nathan tried really hard to get to you - but a second hand car bought from the original Buffy-meister is gonna cut it? Dude better have something else in store when you look at all the shoes he has... however, I will say that the Naley Sixteen Candles scene was kinda cute - but also makes this show seem extremely pathetic when you realize that the only semi-decent scene in the entire fucking episode was stolen from the very director they so shamefully tried to celebrate.

Again I say, Mark Schwahn = fucking idiot.And now onto the part that really pissed me off - Brooke.

First of all, there is NO WAY IN HELL that Brooke would have forgotten Haley's birthday, so let me just vent how fucking stupid that first Baley scene was. For a character who has spent the better half of the last four fucking seasons putting everyone except herself first, am I supposed to magically believe that she forgets her best friend's birthday? Fuck off! Seriously Mark, are you done with the character assassination of Brooke? Give it up you limp-dick mother-fucker - Brooke is better than any other bitch you throw at her and us, and no amount of degrading her will cause us to change our minds about that. Did you not learn anything from season 4?You are trying hard though, aren't you Marky Mark?

You and your funky bunch writers must all be fucking high. Take Brulian for example. Did anybody else throw shit at the television screen when Alex "I have a face like a smashed crab" Dupre, dropped their ship name? Like please, wasn't that just predictable? Alex is going to be the one that brings them back together? Excuse me while I roll my eyes with the rest of the viewers who watched, and Marky you can just sit there while the global mexican-wave of eyerolls makes it's way past you, you fucking idiot.

Seriously Mark, do you ever make the selfish whores of this show pay for what they do or do you get off on their slutty antics? I suggest therapy to get over whatever that popular girl in high school did to you and get your life back together man. Seriously. This shit is not normal for a grown man.The main problem here isn't Alex though, although that bitch is fucking annoying.

JULIAN IS A TOTAL DOUCHE BAG!

What really angers me is this big-headed moron cannot see any fault in how he is treating Brooke. For a guy who read the book and allegedly came for the "other" girl in the story - he's doing a mighty fine job of repeating the same dumbass mistakes of his predecessor, Lucas the Dufus! Seriously Mark, if I wanted to watch a total fuck stick treat Brooke like shit in order to save the pathetic girl who was a lesser version of the feisty brunette, I'd watch Lucas seasons 4 to 6! But we all know recycled storylines are your thing - originality went out the door from the beginning of season 4 and is still wandering around somewhere where your dumbass can't find it! Clearly! And what is with Brooke chasing Julian into the workshop?

And then the kiss? What the fuck?

This show just pisses me off the more it continues down this spiral of shit! Julian needs a good kick up the ass and an iron to go over that massive forehead of his, because if I have to see him pull that wrinkly "I was a nerd in high school and it has traumatised me" look again I think I might fucking hit something. Hello dumbass?

You got the hot girl now and you gave her up for a crazy junkie because you have "Mommy" issues - go home and cry about it, write it in your diary, eat tub of ice cream and then GET OVER IT you big, fucking pussy! And can I just say, being an Australian myself, the outback would KICK Julian's ass across the fucking continent... when he ranted about Aussie outbacks and called Alexander "Mate" - right then and there I knew that even me, an Aussie chick half his size, could kick that mother fucker's clueless ass black and blue.

Come to the Outback, you fucking tool, and watch it OWN you! Alexander - I'd be more than happy to see you piss Julian off because that dickhead deserves it! Oh, and let's not forget Lucas 2.0, whoops, I mean Julian, uttering that famous Lucas word... clarity.... damn, someone needs to get Markhole a dictionary so he can look up the word.. I think he is confusing it with "A moment of utter stupidity!"Moving on to Mouth... snorefest. I'd rather stab my eyes with a fucking needle. NEXT!Finally, the BL hints. The girl behind the fugly-shade-of-brown door.

You're right Brookie, it doesn't have the same ring to it, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it Mark! And using BL memories to prop a current show that is obviously failing is not gonna work when you have one half of that ship discuss how she didn't want to be the girl that was in love with the boy who loved someone else... I mean really, you throw us the Brucas locker flashback and expect us to swallow the lump of crap that spewed from Brooke's mouth when she thought back on it?

FACE IT MARK - BRUCAS WERE IN LOVE! WE KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT, SO STOP TRYING TO DRAG THEIR MEMORY THROUGH THE FUCKING MUD TO PIMP A CHEMISTRY-LACKING COUPLE THAT ARE FUCKING GONE!

Jerk off to their memory in your own time and leave us be, because we DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THEM! <-------- there's some BL nostalagia you can stick up your ass by the way!All in all, a shithouse tribute to a great director who is probably rolling in his grave right now. Sorry Mark, but this ass-kissing project was an epic fail and this show just needs to be done already. Right now, rubbing onions on my eyeballs seems like a more productive exercise that watching this festering pile of crap. Anywho, that's it for me.

Todd shall be back next week, but you are all free to vent away and show him what he missed.

Later peeps.

Chrissy.