Can We Seriously Weather This Storm?

One Episode to prove OLD SCHOOL ONE TREE HILL was GENIUS!

And this shit they make us watch now just isn't in the same league. It isn't even in the same vicinity as being in the same league.

What do I mean? It's simple. It's hurricane season in Tree Hill - but Season 3 did it so much better that this shit-fest was just pissing all over it's memory! With the pouring rain, Naley together, feisty Brooke having a fight with her boyfriend... it had all the makings of the hurricane in season 3. We should have been excited. It should have been a great episode. It wasn't.

This week's episode SHOULD have been better. I know that's assuming A LOT and perhaps even giving too much credit to this shit fest of a show, but let's be honest - with none of the extras, and no Clay/Quinn puke-worthy scenes, statistically this week's episode SHOULD have been better.

But alas, like many weeks passed, this week's episode of One Crap Hill left little to be desired. So let's go through this bullshit show so we can get on with our lives!

As usual, it can be broken down into parts, mostly because these characters have no idea how to interact with anyone other than their partner in crime. Either that or the writers are just too lazy to give these characters storylines with plots that revolve around anyone except their partner.

So we had Naley. They watched their rodent son in a spelling bee. He lost it on purpose cos he has a crush on the girl-friend who was against him. Not cute enough for me to dig this storyline. Anyway, so basically he came second, they said how happy and proud they were of their fug spawn and then let him drive home with his teacher. In a hurricane. Wow. Then, they get a flat tire and reminisce on their past moments in stormy weather (back when they were hot and not boring) and then failed to give us ANY sex because Haley's is pregnant. Pregnant women get horny too, just FYI you stupid writers. That is about the extent of their whole stroyline until the final minutes. Riveting it was not.

Then we had Quinn. I could say we had Clay, but we didn't. They had a phone call, he can't get home in the rain, and we know since crazy-Katie was on her way back to Tree Hill for some ungodly reason, a showdown is on it's way. Quinn is gonna win. She will get over her nightmares. she will be magically healed. Hoorah. As predicted, it turned out exactly this way. Crazy Katie had some decent one-liners (I appreciated that they actually showed what a dumb-ass Quinn was following her around when we find out Katie knew all along she had done so and was coming after her). Basically, if the idiot had have left it to the authorities Katie would have been none-the-wiser that she was in fact, still alive. Anyway, we have a very Scream-Movie-ish scene played out, stabbings in the leg, kickings in the sides of the body, crashing over balconies into pools... and eventually, Quinn gets poetic justice by shooting Katie in the same room, in the same way, that Katie shot her. Crazy doesn't die of course, because Quinn is a "better person" than Katie and will no longer let her haunt her.

Personally, I would have shot her in the fucking head, but bitches in horror movies these days are nothing but stupid. At one point, Quinn was in a moving, locked car. She should have just run over the bitch.

Quinn is one fucking dumbass broad!

At any rate, this pathetic storyline is over and now doubt, after the break, we're gonna have to deal with Clay taking care of his love, and Quinn being the hero. Gag me now, this show fucking sucks.

Then we have Brooke and Julian. This couple just grinds on my nerves. I know Mr Nichols took on the job for real-life leading lady Sophia, but damn, they just do NOT have the same chemistry that Sophia and Chad had. There is magic missing in these two. Their movements and interactions are robotic, lifeless and unbelievable. And it's not just the way they are written, although that in itself was horrid. Brooke rushes out into a storm because she and Julian are fighting about moving to LA. I actually looked at Brooke and for the first time in the whole Boolian relationship sham, I was on HIS side. What a selfish, little brat! This man has his faults, but he DID move to Tree Hill away from his home, friends, family and work in L.A because SHE missed him. SHE had work in Tree Hill and SHE wanted to be there. He moved for HER. But yet this little bitch wouldn't even entertain the idea of moving back to L.A, which would be better for him and more job opportunities for her, because her life is in Tree Hill. Her home is in Tree Hill.

Apparently her life is more important than his. What a little shit. Brooke sucks balls these days. Still liking that "Brooke Bubble" Julian, you big foreheaded freak?

Anyway, clever Davis runs off into a storm. A hurricane to be precise. Driving around like a crazy lady who has lost her brain (aka Brooke pimping Pucas season 5). She stumbles across Miss Lauren's turned over car, extracts all but Jamie from inside, and sends them in her car for help.

(Yes, she let Miss Lauren drive two kids in her car even though she had a head injury and possible concussion. - JOKE!)

Jamie is stuck in his seat belt and Brooke stays with him. She uses some scissors in her make up bag to cut the belt that won't move. They discuss life and all the other boring, contrived bullshit people apparently think about in these situations. Hero Julian comes along just in time to see another car railroad their car from behind and send them plunging into the rushing river below. The water is shallow though, and not rising. The jerk car who hit them races off. Julian jumps over the bridge and into the water, much like Nathan in the season 3 finale (season 3 - you just can't beat it) and starts trying to help them out of the car. Of course, for the dramatic effect, the levy breaks and water comes rushing in. Saint Brooke forces Julian to get Jamie out first, and in spite of his heavy protests, he does so then comes back for her. However he is too late and although he is breatjing air from his mouth into ehrs (as she is now under water), she basically drowns. As he finally gets her free (she had her legs pinned under the steering column which was unbelievable since when the car got hit from behind and sent into the river, she was actually sitting on the driver's side window and not near the steering column), he drags her up to the road and starts CPR. Jamie watches from the edge of the bridge, sad for Aunt Brooke. This is of course when Naley turn up and see their zhombie son drenched and on the side of the road. They jump out and he tells them Aunt Brooke is dead. They get him into the car then watch in horror as Julian screams his "No" and "Brooke" repeatedly and it's all very dramatic. Julian gives up his CPR, Haley starts crying, Nathan looks glum, then magically Julian sees Brooke's hand twitch and he starts CPR again. Cough, splutter, gag later... Brooke is saved.

Was I moved? Not in the slightest. This is where the episode ended. THAT was when I was moved because it meant I was fucking FREE!

So what happens next? That's Julian's question for everyone, but it's actually my question for the writers. This episode was boring. In contrast to the raw emotion and power in the season 3 hurricane storyline, this one fell so far below where it should have been. There was no emotion in it. there was no character development. There was no common sense. Brulian fight was stupid to say the least. Naley's lack of chemistry (if that was even possible) made them more boring than usual. Quinn acting like a hardcore hero wasn't believable. In fact, the whole episode was a contrived mess.

But what happens next?

Usually when shows go on break (and this was the last episode until the show resumes in January or whenever it is they decide to come back) they at last have a cliffhanger. Something to bring the viewers back. But what is there?

Quinn has defeated Katie. Naley have NO drama. Brooke survived and Julian will stay in Tree Hill. There was no Alex, Chase, Mia, Mouth, Millicent, Victoria, Clay... it was dry. Dead. There is NOTHING left for this show.

My guess is they're gonna rely on Brooke's wedding, but after her stupid fight with Julian I just don't buy this couple. At all. There is nothing about them that is interesting. there is nothing about Naley that is interesting. There has never been anything about Quinn and Clay that is interesting. There is nothing to bring viewers back and I think that was extremely poor writing on the writer's behalf. Very badly done.

So what did we learn from this week's "dramatic" episode?

Absolutely nothing. How's that for fucking bullshit?

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy.

Hick Trash Flash? That Pretty Much Sums Up OTH These Days!

Kid Cudi - Why Did You Lower Yourself?

I have been asking myself that question since my eyes were finally saved from visual abuse when this weeks' episode ended. Why on Earth would a musician who has been doing fairly well for himself think coming onto a show like One Crap Hill would EVER be a good move career-wise? Dude needs to fire his manager because the general rule-of-thumb is to pick the good fucking shows, not the ones who no longer resemble anything like entertainment or decent viewing.

Then again, Mark Schwahn does know how to suck some serious cock since this show is still on the air, so perhaps Cudi should be watching his manager from now on?

But back to the rant about this week's episode which I think started out with probably the most accurate portrayal of how far this show has fallen from their place on top. The HICK TRASH wedding dream of Brooke Davis, representing this show for what it is today - TRASH! Complete rubbish. Utter bullshit. Talent-less and lacking in any REAL storyline. In fact, this show has fallen so far from grace that I'm wondering if we'll actually see it nominated at the Daytime Emmy's because it now resembles a soap opera more than a prime-time drama.

So what happened in this week's crapfest? Let's move onto our groupings since these characters have forgotten how to interact.

Thankfully, no "Dear Lucas" moment happened this week. Instead, we were treated to Naley boredom, Brooke whining, Julian ass-sucking, Mia/Alex cheerleading, bad music (except for Cudi - I'm a fan!) and Quinn stupidity. And all of this derailed what many would think would be an awesome moment in this show - the return of the villainous DAN SCOTT! But let's not go there just yet, we have to do this in order so we can get outta here asap!

So Naley. Not much new happening here. As usual, Haley is acting the ever doting mother and wife and packing lunches for her two "men" to take to school. I use the speech marks here because I honestly cannot tell which one if the father and which one is the son out of Nathan and Jamie. The little ferret is quite possibly the most unrealistically-written kid on television. Sure, people have bitched about them before and that is probably why the writers decided to have his parents drop the word "genius" in about half a dozen times to try and explain their poor writing skills, but honestly, this little butt-weed has gotten on my last nerve. The way he gave advice to his Dad just said everything I needed to know about his father.

Nathan Scott is a fucking dumb ass!

So he's apparently back at college to get his degree so he can train to be a sports agent. Good for him, this is actually kinda cool. Being a teacher I'm all for education and furthering one's self academically. But the dickhead decides to prove a point by going with the harder lecturer. He then expects things to be easier. He doesn't prepare enough for class, gets called out on it and then decides to talk to said professor after class and expects him to "understand" that he probably needed a few days to catch up to everyone. No dumb ass, that isn't how it works. You enrolled late, you elected to study under the professor who you were warned was tougher than most... and you signed freaking autographs in his class before it began. Stupid move. I guess this was all needed so we could enjoy those wonderful bonding moments between Nathan and his ferret, I mean son, where they teach each other how to succeed in life and in their respective classes. *SNOREFEST*

And who else cringed when Nathan lamely called Jamie "Tutor Son". Ughh, the cheesy-ness of that scene made me want to puke!

Then we have Mama Scott, aka Haley, who *surprise surprise* has been noticeably absent from the Crisis Center, running around organising Erin to be Kid Cudi's supporting gig at Tric. Haley didn't do much this episode actually. She packed lunches, had a talk to Brooke about her wedding, introduced Erin to Cudi, thanked Mia for organizing the event, had Mia and Alex bartend together and then went home to her family. Basically, she propped. But it's whatever, I grow tired of her easily.

It would be great if I could end my rant about the Scott family there, but unfortunately as it always seems to happen, a member of the James family has infiltrated and fucked up a Scott-man scene. Cue Dan... and the lacklustre Quinn. So apparently the older James sister is trying to get all hardcore and is intent of getting revenge on Katie. namely, she wants to murder the gun-toting psycho for shooting her and her beloved, Clay. Poor Clay... already looking leaner since his nasty succubus re-entered the scene and he only got a total of five minutes in this entire episode, part of which was taking up by his lips being mauled by the before-mentioned slut. Then the rest of the Clay/Quinn storyline focused on the lesser-liked half of the duo, who in all her wisdom chose to use her five brain cells to go and visit the man responsible for nearly destroying her brother-in-law to ask for advice on how to murder crazy Katie.

Cue DAN SCOTT! OTH's ULTIMATE VILLAIN!

Now normally the return of such an AWESOME character would have made for interesting television. Dan Scoot is, after all, the last well-written bad-guy for this flop of a show. He still manages to make people smile when they remember just how good OTH used to be - you know, before they wrote poor Danny-boy into a corner by having him shoot Keith. Yet, even having him the episode fell flat. Whilst Dan did have some great one-liners and the ever-talented Paul delivered them with unwavering Dan Scott charm, the fact that he was used to prop the retarded character of Quinn was beyond annoying. Also, he turned soft at the end. What a bunch of bullshit. Quinn gets all upset, throws her gun away and then decides revenge may not be something she can handle after all. Get some damn therapy girl, ya need it! What a dumb bitch. Her whole storyline was contrived and pointless, and hardly in the vicinity of believable when you look at how weak and pathetic she truly is. The worst part?

Dan Scott, a legend on the show, was used to prop Quinn. Bitch can't hold her own against him, so he just made her look even more pathetic than she already did. Get her the fuck off my screen!

Then we have Brulian. Of course Brooke is still whining about being poor and not able to afford her dream wedding. We fucking get it already, move the fuck on. I'm also thinking Sophia is regretting saying she had a say in how Brooke is written because right now Miss Davis isn't coming off as anything other than whiny, pathetic and shallow. So you can't afford your dream wedding - MOST women can't! Get over yourself. And who else noticed the BIG blunder in the writing when Brook claimed she went from poor to rich to poor again. Uhm, no bitch. In high school you had wealthy parents and shopped your ass off, then they lost said money, then Daddy got a new job in California so you had money again, then you got even richer after you left school and went into business with mommy, and now you have no money again. Do the writers not even remember their own fucking show? Clearly not.

So what does Julian, BEST FIANCE EVER *insert eyeroll* decide to do? Make his fiance feel better by having her do all these things she claimed she wanted to do but never did. Basically, girlfriend has a bucket-list at the age of twenty four. So they run around all day learning french, jumping out of planes and gazing at the moon, talking about how lucky they are to have one-another and even if she doesn't have money she's rich for having him in her life. Blah fucking blah, how boring are they? Julian is basically a ball-less boy wonder now and Brooke just needs to shut the fuck up already. I don't care how many times they repeat it, her epiphany about having perspective every episode doesn't seem to stop her from losing it again at the beginning of the next. BORING!

What else? Alex, Mia and Chase. So the girls have decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Now both are giving Chase hell by buddy-ing it up and making him squirm. Of course Alex, being who she is, lets Mia believe she is over Chase and is being "frenemies" with Miss Catalano, but ultimately it was her who grew a pair, followed Chase into the storeroom and kissed him. Mia's consolation prize? She beat Alex in earnings from selling drinks. Something tells me Alex wasn't too phased, and this flip-flopping threesome isn't over yet. GOD SPARE US ALL! Just let Alex win (and yes Thomas, she is very Rachel-esque in many ways) and then send Mia back to the pound where she belongs. She irritates the fuck outta me with all her yapping.

And would you believe, that is actually the end of the episode right there? Of course Erin was pimped throughout, and quotes about believing in yourself and your music with spewed throughout, but really they were boring when I heard them said to Mia two years ago - they ain't endearing to me now. These writers have really forgotten what originality is!

So, what have we learned from this week's episode?

1. Haley is pregnant. She forgot Lucas and the crisis center this week because Erin is the focus of her life.

2. Jamie is annoying as hell and is having deep and meaningful conversations beyond his years.

3. Nathan is trying to be a sport's agent. He returned to school and apparently he's so bad at it that his son has to tutor him.

4. Mia is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass. She is still hanging around like a bad smell.

5. Julian has no friends. He spent the day sucking Brooke's asshole.

6. Alex is an actress. She also still likes Chase.

7. Clay disappeared. At least he didn't have to remind us that he got shot. We had Quinn do that for us.

8. Quinn is still a useless waste of space. she apparently has nightmares and thinks buying a gun to murder her attacker is much more sensible than therapy. Go figure.

9. Brooke is still having Mommy issues and can't seem to warm to the idea that hers and Julian's Mom get along. She also finally decided to see (again) all the good she had in her life but not before complaining about being poor again.

10. KATIE is coming back. I wonder if she'll actually get the bitch this time? The ending was really bad, having her look straight into the camera didn't intimidate me or make me intrigued as to what will happen next week. In fact, the only reaction I had was to snort like a pig.

So... another week of progressive, dramatic television. NOT.

Rant and rave people,

Toddian and Chrissy.

What Am I Thankful For? I'm Thankful This Episode Is FINALLY Over!

Who else thought the food was the best part of this week's episode?

Or perhaps the live turkey caught your fancy because it basically acted circles around every other character this week! Or maybe it was the predictability of it all because apparently, being dull and predictable is the legacy this show wants to leave behind. At any rate, let's get started on this blog and display our true feelings about yet another forty-or-so minutes of our lives we have just lost watching this shitfest.

~ Dear Lucas. Do you remember a time when this show used to be good? When the characters were more than whiny bitches with too much time on their hands? Do remember when we broke that wishbone and even though you had the bigger piece you let me have the wish? And when I wished for a good life, free from boredom and to be living my dreams with good, decent people surrounding me... I NEVER GOT MY FUCKING WISH AND NOW I AM INFLICTING UNNECESSARY VISUAL HORROR ON ABOUT 2 MILLION PEOPLE A WEEK. If I'm lucky.

This is what I have to say to you, Lucas. You did good in getting out. And I hope Seyton is dead ~

Wouldn't it be great if Haley really talked like this?

So, we started off this week's episode with another "Dear Lucas" reference and a Thanksgiving theme. Can I just say, the food looked amazing and it really made me want Thanksgiving to hurry up and get the hell here (1 week to go), however even the food couldn't save the terrible-ness of this show. So, let's go through the characters and review, shall we?

Nathan, Haley and the ferret they like to call their son, Jamie. So, Nathan didn't graduate college - big shocker there. But how did he get his so-called NBA contract without that slip of paper? Interesting. And how is it that his agent knew nothing about this when he is supposed to know every little thing about his client? Dropped the ball on that one. Insert Haley being the ever-doting wife who gives a speech on how she has all the faith in him in the world and they have a cute-sy moment and that's pretty much Naley in the bag for yet another week. Then we have Haley at home cooking and being mother/wife/friend/chef of the year to the inevitable horde that invaded her house for the holiday. Interesting that she wasn't needed at the crisis center on such a lonely holiday for some. Guess she fixed Erin and that was enough for her. WOW, who called that one? Crisis Center what? And then the ferret, who managed to probe into Erin's life because THAT is what kids that age do - they ask the deep and meaningful questions. I am so over this kid, and the whole boring-ness of Naley and their family altogether. Of course Nathan is gonna get his degree and become a certified agent and get everything he wants - how can he not with such an amazing woman by his side *insert eye roll*. Barf. Next.

Brooke, Julian and the Mother-Ships. Or Mother Shits? I haven't decided yet. First off, it was complete bullshit that Victoria got released on Thanksgiving. Are they not even bothering to go for realism at all anymore on this show? Second of all, Julian's mother and her drinking is getting real old, real fast. Either do something with this storyline or let it go. We got it the first few hundred times she asked for wine and mentioned alcohol that there was a problem there, so PROGRESS PEOPLE! Fuck I really hate this show. Do I blame Brooke for being mad at Victoria - hell no, this woman is a certified bitch. But she makes things interesting. I just wish they would stop coming and going with her character and the relationship she shares with Brooke. They're loving, they hate each other, they're loving again - it's giving me whiplash and I don't care for it anymore. It's old. It's tired. Redundant. let's move on. Julian was pathetic as always, for some reason the writers feel the need to keep lamenting that fact. Not getting picked for a team - since when was Nathan such a fucking prick? And now his bitch of a son follows suit? This isn't funny anymore, it's boring and shameful. Fucking move on already. At least Julian didn't ask the question ALL FUCKING DAY! He did however, add to mushy Brulian moments that I could have done without. Bitch, meaning Brooke, stop fucking whining. There are many people out there with less than you. Give it up.

Millicent and Mouth. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. They're gonna get back together and it's going to be as boring as their entire relationship has been. Enough said.

Alex and Mia. Sorry Mia, but you just plain outright SUCK. First, she acts like a bitch in the house, second she acts like a bitch on the field, and when she gets laid out over the grass she takes a cheap shot and punches Alex when her back is turned. Mia is the most pathetic character on the show right now and I just wanted that bitch to drown in the river. Alex is a thousand times better right now, and the fact that Chase even had to make a decision between this two is stupid. Then to find out that little skater boy douche didn't pick either because he's PMSing and decided he deserved better - get over yourself you moron! And then the predictability of the girls actually being civil when they watched his decision on video... this show is SHIT. Big, stinking, sloppy SHIT!

Skills going after another mother? Uhm, it didn't work the first time with Deb, why go there again? Why even make light of it? The references aren't that funny and Skillz used to be cool. Now he's a joke too - but that was inevitable considering where ALL the characters are these days.

And then we have Clay and Quinn. YEP, she-devil is back. Goodbye tolerable Clay. Of course we got hit with another sappy reunion moment that made me want to hurl. And then a completely laughable moment where we're supposed to believe that Quinn is after Katie. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, this white-hussy bitch is really capable of stalking and getting back at the woman who shot her. I laughed at how pathetic it was and seriously, i am rolling my eyes at how they're gonna drag this out and somehow have Quinn lose her mind but be saved by Clay, after she gets Katie back. YAWN. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. This is fucking stupid.

So after yet another week of the same boring crap, where do we find ourselves?

1. Haley is pregnant. She remembered Lucas this week however the crisis center is still forgotten now that Erin is the focus of her life.

2. Jamie has braces. He's also annoying as hell and having deep and meaningful conversations way beyond his years.

3. Nathan is trying to be a sports agent. Turns out he's bad at school and never graduated college. Nathan, bad at school? NO WAY!

4. Mia is still in love with Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass. she's now also a dirty fighter as she can only get a good hit in when her opponent's back is turned. Slore.

5. Julian's Mom is in town and she's a drinker.

6. Julian has no friends.

7. Alex is an actress and girls are jealous of her.

8. Clay got shot. He has trouble moving things because of the injury that gets mentioned every week. Tune on next week for him to tell you again, in case you forgot.

9. Quinn is back and is apparently intimidating and a crazy stalker now. should have seen that coming when she couldn't keep away from Clay when she was still married.

10. Brooke is having Mommy issues and finally decided to see the good in her life. but not before mentioning she'd lost everything again.

11. Mouth is a freak. He finally got Millie back so maybe now we won't suffer anymore bitch tears.

12. Skillz is hot for Mom. A new one this time, but still the same old story.

Yeah... this show got another season why?

Rant and rave people,

Toddian and Chrissy.

How About Some Cheese With Your WHINE???

Whine: A long-drawn, high-pitched complaining cry or sound; to utter a whine; to complain or protest in a childish manner or about trivial things.

Yep. Sounds like One Crap Hill, doesn't it?

I felt like I should have set up camp with a box of crackers and cheese just to complete the setting for this week's One Tree Hill episode. That was of course, when I actually remembered it was on. And if I'm being completely honest, I DIDN'T actually remember, I was reminded by Todd when he asked about the blog. WHOOPS.

Guess it's a really telling sign that your show is in the crapper when it just plain gets forgotten completely.

Anywho, I forced myself to watch this lame-ass show for yet another week and here we are once again, blogging about how predictable and pathetic it has really become. And this episode was ALL about the whine. Seriously, is there one person on this show who didn't have a moment of self-pity, or sad "riveting" scenes where some sort of emotional epiphany was reached, or even trying to decide what comes next? Oh my god, who else wants to assassinate Julian for asking that question week in and week out? Uzi time, seriously.

Although, I would gladly take a gun to the temple of most of these characters simply because they are grinding on my last damn nerve. So let's get into it and discuss for yet another week, why this show sucks hairy gonads and can't seem to grasp the concept of entertainment.

Naley. Apparently good storylines for these two involve not being in any scenes together at all. Nathan traipsed down to Atlanta to sign some football guy who decided an ex-basketball player who gave a good speech one time was worthy of being his agent. Love how no one decided to tell the kid that Nathan's lack of experience in the field of even being a sport's agent was probably detrimental to his career and best interests.

Oh no wait, this is One Unbelievable Hill - it would only fall apart if Brooke decided to be an agent!

Anywho, Superhero Nathan rode in on his lame horse, saved the day, gave an inspirational speech or two and is apparently a natural at being an agent. BORING! Where did the whine come in? His bitching to Clay in the car about being stressed before taking off to Atlanta, and subsequently being a drip when he landed the deal and came back home to Clay In Tree Hill, made me give him a big fat tick as a whiner.

Haley. What happened to her? Well as predicted, she's been chasing after Erin who sings and has a deep connection to her music because apparently, like every other artist on this pretentious show, her music is her life. And Mia understands. Of course she does, she was Erin not so long ago, and if this new singer plays her cards right, she will get to be involved in lame storylines that the audience could care less about too in the not too distant future. So Haley understands all about Erin's plight, and they're gonna make a great team together, and *yawn* *drool* *snore*. Yeah, that pretty much sums up what I think of this Mia-esque repetitive storyline. Guess they're big on recycling in North Carolina. Anywho, having Haley talk about her great family and how happy she is wasn't her whine moment. It came in the form of the piano scene, where she talked about how she felt music had betrayed her because her Mom died. Oh my fucking god, GET OVER IT Mark. We dealt enough with Haley's supposed depression storyline (which was an pic FAIL in my opinion), and to use it as a way of making Haley seem soooo understanding is enough to make me wanna puke. Erin, make a damn decision then get the fuck off my screen. You annoy me. Also... Haley no where near the crisis center - wow... didn't see THAT one coming, did we?

Continuing the whining trend of the Scott family, Jamie and the braces. Yeah, honestly, who really gives a fuck? He's just like the millions of people out there who have them, and I guarantee you, 98% of us didn't have some lame gushy-moment ala Lucas/Haley where we showed our friends our metal mouth and they said "Cool." I am getting so damn tired of this supposed arty direction they are taking with the show, where they have everyone say the same damn thing. They end one scene with a character saying something, then begin the next scene with the new character saying the same thing. Now we're supposed to believe that Jamie just happens to have the same braces moment with a friend that Mommy and Uncle Lucas had in school? MUSHY CENTRAL! This is bullshit and more for Lifetime Movies than prime time drama. Give me a fucking break. So, Naley family whine moment 3 - Jamie and his train tracks.

Next up we have the newest Queen of the WHINE - Brooke Davis. I have to say her first and last name because apparently we don't know it and characters feel the need to say it in its entirety every fucking episode. So, what did Brooke Davis whine about? The question should be, what DOESN'T Brooke Davis whine about? First she's still crying over losing her company and "who she is" and her identity - love how Sophia enjoys making Brooke Davis so damn shallow these days. Yes Brooke Davis, we are defined solely by our jobs and success. It has nothing to do with the person we are inside or how we overcome defeat against seemingly insurmountable odds. No, you have no money and no clothing company anymore, so you are worth nothing as a human being. GREAT morals to be instilling into the youth of today who watch your show and look up to your character. Sophia Bush = MORON! Brooke Davis = WHINER! Also, while she was crying over losing everything she worked hard for (which she didn't have to do, I might add), she also whines about having a wedding she can afford (note to Brooke Davis - a buck doesn't buy much these days), and whining about Julian's mother. While the latter may be understandable at times, at least his mother is actually giving a fuck. How about we look at what we do have in life Miss Davis - friends who love her and a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with her (even though he sucks balls too), instead of focusing continually on how much your life sucks. Basically, just shut the fuck up. Please and thank you.

Oh, and if you could refrain from mentioning Peyton Sawyer again, I would really appreciate it. Bitch is gone, and in my mind, died a fiery death after Lucas locked her in the comet and sent it crashing over a cliff. Comets always crash, right?

Whoa, went off tangent there, back to the blog. Hmm, who is next in this whine-fest?

Julian. Well, he was surprisingly NOT as whiny as the rest. He stood up to his mom for the sake of Brooke, and even comforted his stupid fiance when she cried about her life that apparently sucks. However I still want to stab him for repeatedly asking the same question over and over.

What comes next? My foot up your ass, jerk off!

Clay. Without Quinn, I'm finding him more and more tolerable. And admittedly, he didn't whine all that much. The can scene was realistic to me and he didn't quit, so I liked that. He seems to be the odd one out here. And hey, electric can opener - yeah, you sort your shit out and keep moving forward! We all know when Succubus returns this great version of Clay will cease to exist. However, his whine moment came with the grave scene. Okay, so maybe it was nice of him to visit, however, how many times are we gonna see some melancholy scene with a character crying to a tombstone? It's boring, pathetic and quite frankly, I'm over it.

Quinn - was gone. Best part of the show.

Alex/Chase/Mia - How is it that Jana is the regular in the show, yet she has less airtime than dodgy Chase and doggy Mia. Mouth put it eloquently when he stated that Chase, who is a bar manager, has both an actress and rock star in love with him - and he's chucking a Dylan McKay from 90210 and has to decide between two women. Dylan fucked that up by choosing Kelly, and I have a feeling Chase is gonna do the same by picking that barking mad Mia and throwing us back into the relationship that was a total bore-snore the last time we endured it. So the WHINE moment here? Chase whining about having to pick out of these two girls when only one is actually tolerable. The fact that he can't decide at all is reason for him to end up alone anyway. If you're not someone's first choice straight up, you deserve better.

Mouth. Seriously, this dude is ugly. So MY whine moment came from seeing his face. After I recovered however, I endured Mouth having a cry about how he lost Millicent. Well, when you treat a girl like crap, she's gonna leave. You, my friend, are a bona fide dumb shit. So instead of whining over Millicent, go and do something about it. Also, quit whining about having to do jobs you don't like at WORK. Most people hate working, so hearing you complain about it when you're lucky your friend gave you a job in the first place, is just plain fucking annoying. Rodent.

And now we're pretty much at the end of the episode. Yet again, another riveting episode. Here's what we learnt this week:

1. Haley is pregnant. She's forgotten about Lucas and writing letters to him. She's also forgotten about the crisis center as Erin is now the focus of her life.

2. Jamie has braces.



3. Nathan and the word "retired" were featured in another sentence together and he's now a sports agent.



4. Mia is still in love with Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil of everyone's ass.



5. Julian's Mom is in town. She is no longer paying for the wedding.



6. Julian is asking the question "What Comes Next?" He also has no friends.



7. Alex is an actress. This fact was made known to us again this week.



8. Mouth is a freak. He's still crying over Millie like a bitch.



9. Brooke lost her company and is crying about it.



Yes. Moving forward in TV shows was SO last season according to these genius writers.



Rant and Rave People,



Toddian & Chrissy

Apparently Predictability and Mannequins are the Secrets to a Successful Episode?

So, it's official! One Crap Hill sucks so much hairy bumhole that I actually FORGOT about it this week! Yes, yes, after the wonderful break of not having my eyes molested by this show last week, I completely forgot this snoozefest was even on. It has become so redundant and predictable, that it is now being forgotten. So after much whining (partly due to the stomach bug I have, and I'm always cranky when I'm fucking hungry) I finally sat my ass down and watched this episode.

Wow... it sure didn't disappoint. My expectations, that is. Since I have none anymore, and I expected pretty much ALL the thrilling garbage that they spewed out and stamped as "entertainment", I can say it didn't fail to live up to the stellar standards it has been producing since season 4.

So, here we go again for another week. as usual, I'm just gonna split it up into characters etc cos that's pretty much all this show has become, and interacting with anyone else is a big-fat no no these days.

I apologize in advance if you faceplant the keyboard from being bored out of your brain!

Julian and Brooke. Droolian. Boolian. Stab my fucking eyes out because they are fucking junk yard trash. I have never been so bored to tears with a Brooke storyline in my life, but this week she plummeted to new lows. For someone who has lost her company and supposedly sold her private fortune to pay back lame investors, nice to know she can still live in that fancy house. But putting that unrealistic storyline faux par behind us, watching her have no backbone to stand up to Julian's mother is just plain fucked up. This is your wedding bitch - speak up you moron! Apparently, when it comes to Bakers, Brooke becomes a complete door mat and loses her brain. Loses all sense of the strong, independent woman Brooke is supposed to be. And now we have to watch as she gets all teary over Julian's mother's alcohol problem. I can just see it now - she won't tell Julian and take it on herself, and somehow try to save the fucking day. Saint Brooke to the rescue. So she goes from a huge fashion designer, to a drunkard's babysitter. Yeah, real character progression there.

And Julian, oh my god, Julian.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

Where is the Julian who would taunt Lucas and Peyton about the Pulian history? Where is the Julian who told Peyton to get over herself? Where is the Julian that was so suave and arrogant when it came to procuring Brooke? The one who spoke back and had wit? Who the fuck is this pussy before us? talk about character assassination. He has NO male friends that he has to set up a lame poker night to find a best man? Who else thinks he's gonna ask the Ferret Jamie, or go with Alex? Cos let's face it, only she actually talks to him, no one else seems to give a shit. And why? Because he's become the lamest character on the show, he is closer to a joke than a bloke. Where have your balls gone, Julian? Did they disappear inside the Brooke Bubble (who else gaged at that one?) Mark, please take Julian's balls out of your mouth and kindly return them to your character, pronto!

Nathan and Haley. Nathan the superhero agent to the rescue, only to whine like a bitch cos Clay sent you on a business trip and you didn't know ONE thing. I'm sorry, but who else wanted to slap the fuck outta this little Daddy's boy? What a spoiled BRAT! I thought he was channeling Jamie for a second, cos he was acting like a damn toddler. Excuse me asshole, but your best friend, who also happens to be your agent, who also happens to have been SHOT recently, offered you a job when you found yourself JOBLESS! This is also the same man who worked his ass off to get you a basketball career/contract in the first place. He is now teaching you everything he knows to give you a different career, and you're going to complain about him not telling you ONE thing? What did you expect, you would know everything first time around? I couldn't stand watching Nathan bitch and complain.

The only thing that made him look like an idiot tonight was his attitude and cry-baby pout.

Sure, he's doing Clay a favor, but Clay is also doing HIM a huge favor. Learn your place, fool. Rich bitch syndrome for sure.

Haley. Ugh, I could have slapped her too. Which is incredibly annoying because Bethany Joy is too adorable for words. But Haley really pissed me off tonight. How predictable was her signing that chick? Like, who even fucking cares? Another Mia-esque storyline (note to Douchebag Schwahn - it was boring the first time), only this time Erin calls the crisis center a lot. What's the bet now that Erin will be in the studio recording, we don't see Haley at the crisis center anymore? However, it was the overkill of the hormones stuff that got to me. I guess maybe because they pimped Peyton's pregnancy so much that it overshadowed Haley, they are trying to overcompensate now. What a bunch of shit. And Brooke and Haley scenes? Come on, if I'm gonna have Baley, give it to me right. I don't want to see whiny Brooke and bouncing Haley. That is NOT Tigger and Tutor Girl. They should at least be on each other's side.

Onto Mia/Chase and Alex. I have but one thing to say - FUCK OFF MIA, YOU SCRAG! She looks soooo desperate right now, it's sickening. I mean, I hated the bitch before, but now I keep wondering why on Earth they have her dumb face on my screen. WHY? The whole coffee thing in the beginning made me want to puke. Alex NEVER lied to Chase, she simply didn't want to ruin a good thing. Do I agree with it? Probably not. But do I understand it? Yes. But Chase can't? Mia breaks up with him via a text message and he was never mean, hurtful or THIS angry to her. He talked to her when she came back for him, yet he acts like a bitch to Alex? My guess is, he must REALLY have liked Alex to be acting like such a pussy when she came back for him. LOVED that she slapped him - these two have serious chemistry in my opinion. I just want that chihuahua Mia to get lost. Get outta the picture. If they put Chia back together, I won't be happy. Then again, nothing really makes me happy with this show anymore... so perhaps this is a moot point?

Hmm... what else? Clay. Well, he didn't do much. Like, at all. But I enjoyed watching him and his scenes. Liked the dancing too. Funny how lively he is without the succubus draining the life outta him. Yep, definite perk of this episode was the lack of Quinn.

KEEP QUINN OFF MY DAMN SCREEN AND I ASSURE YOU THE RATINGS WILL RISE!

No Jamie too. How good was that? It was like a breath of fresh air...

... that got pushed outta me again with Skillz's weird Lucas mannequin. Oh my fucking god Mark, we got through one week of no "Dear Lucas" bullshit only to have you throw your weird at home sex toy at us and make us all uncomfortable. Mark Schwahn has lost his damn mind if he thinks THAT is entertaining. Or even funny. It's neither, it just screams PATHETIC. So does Mouth. Crying over Millicent when he's the one that wanted things "casual". Uhm, you're ugly dude, you should have jumped at the chance.

So all in all, another boring episode. If I've left anything out it's because it was so insignificant and beyond boring that it wasn't able to stick itself into my brain long enough for me to blog about it. And what have we learned from this episode?

1. Haley is pregnant. She's forgotten about Lucas and writing letters to him.

2. Jamie was forgotten too.

3. Nathan used the word "retired" again and is now a sports agent.

4. Mia can't get over Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass.

5. Julian's Mom is in town and is helping Brooke plan the wedding.

6. Julian is asking the question "What Comes Next?" He also has no friends.

7. Alex is an actress. Apparently this needs to be repeated several times in case we didn't understand this earlier.

8. Mouth is a freak. Skillz just joined him with the Lucas freak mannequin.

Progressive, huh?

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy

Not Even Halloween Could Save This Wretched Mess

Gimme Candy - A Sugar Coma Is Needed In Order To Survive This Crapfest Season!

So this rant is up later than usual. I apologize for this, but as you probably guessed, I delayed watching this show as long as I could. Honestly, the only reason I haven't quit altogether is because of this blog. And all of you. Your honesty kinda rocks and is missing from the CW Boards. I find it refreshing.


Plus I like to bitch about things without being censored. Go Blogging!


Anyway, so here we are again for episode 6 of season 8. Again, there's not much to blog about as very few things happened to move the show forward. I find this is a common theme for season 8. They fucked up last season by throwing too many characters and storylines in our faces last season, that now I guess this is their way of compensating for that poor decision. Unfortunately for them, they have gone too far in the opposite direction and for some reason are clinging to storylines and dragging them out as long as possible.

I guess this is what happens when a writing team share barely enough braincells between them to come up with an actual, decent storyline.

So let's go through the motions as we do every week. This shouldn't take to long.


Brooke & Julian. So... I was surprised at how he is with his mother. I seemed to recall last season that his fucked-up reason for saving Alex was because he couldn't save the mother ship, correct? This was his lame justification for abusing Brooke emotionally for the sake of crackhead Alex. Then we meet Mom (whom I guess has a thing for alcohol, although she seemed to be handling her liquor - just waiting for THAT obvious storyline to come out), and the truth is, Julian is just a little bitch. That dog outfit was spot on for him. Was his mother dressed as Cruella for some symbolic reason? I'm sorry, she can't beat Victoria for that crown. And Julian just licks her ass like an obedient pup. So I guess this is the new nemesis for Brooke, because apparently she can't catch a break, right Markhole? What's the bet mother-dearest loves Alex?


I gave up caring about Brulian a long time ago, mostly because Julian turned into some whore-loving wank-stick who puts his girlfriend's needs on the bottom rung of his care-factor ladder, and now I have a feeling I'm going to be exposed to more Brooke whining and unhappiness. Great, just great Mark. Ta-fucking-da! What a genius plan! This is such a brilliant new concept for her character. Your writing skills amaze me! Wait no... scratch that. We've been down this fucking boring road, haven't we? It leads to... poor ratings. But hey, keep skipping down your yellow-brick road and enjoy the illusion of Emerald City. What a douche-bag!


And can I just say, what the fuck do they think they're achieving by making Julian into a complete tool? What was with that high-five? We get it, the man is a loser, a dork, can't play basketball, nerd in school who didn't get the popular girl... blah fucking blah! WE GET IT! Fact is, WE DON'T CARE! Move on already!


Naley. Nothing new here. Seems like Nathan is in the beginnings of starting a career as an agent. He'll help his friend, feel the man love and find a new dream that he is good at. Well, hooray for you! Haley, what did we get from you today? You found your mystery caller and she's an amazing singer - who didn't pick THAT like a dirty nose? Guess this could be where the crossover comes into play? Whatever, I don't care about this chick, Erin, was it? Seriously. What else did Haley do? Oh right, bum-fuck all. Yep, that's about right. We are now aware that she is pregnant and scared of clowns. Stuff we already knew so we'll just move on.


Quinn and Clay. Who else rolled their eyes when Quinn was seen in her underwear again? Note to Mark - if it don't have b-bumps ANYWHERE (i.e boobs, belly or booty) it don't look good on tv. Just keep her clothed for the love of god. She's similar to a praying mantis and I'm no fan of the bug-effect. Glad she might be pissing off to Africa though. I might be able to begin eating whilst watching again. Good to know she is suffering more than Clay. very smart to bring a gun into the same room as where you both got shot. Can I also just say, go to a fucking therapist you crack-pot. Taking photos in Africa won't solve your mental issues. You had them way before now. We all saw how unstable you were when you left your husband for the most pathetic reasons on the planet. I seriously just want this bitch to die.


Clay - you can breathe again. Maybe now your face will return to normal. I say eat a burger now that the bulimic bitch has left the premises.


Jamie and friend. So Jamie is going to get a girlfriend. His little friend Chuck is a douche. His father loves him. I lost ten minutes or so of my life watching this little ferret. NEXT!


Alex and Chase. So Alex is gone and Chase is brooding about it. Mia walked in like a slutty version of Ariel. Fake tits for all to see. Note to Kate V - those plastic funbags don't take the focus off your dog face. I half expected her to start yapping at the bar like a chihuahua on heat. And Chase deserves better than Alex? I'm glad you're not saying it's you because honey, you're lower than dirt. So Alex has to leave for a movie - how is that different from you leaving for a musical tour? Dumping via text message cos you're too much of a pussy to face things head on. BITCH PUH-LEASE - you are starting to annoy me almost as much as Quinn.


Mouth and Millie. So you fucked. We don't care, really. Either get together or stay apart. Either way, your drawn out love whatever is boring and we don't give two shits about it. Fuck, I would have gone home with anyone besides Mouth too. Who does he think he is telling her they're just having fun? Little rodent is lucky a woman is actually giving him the time of day with the ugly mug he has on him.


Also, I felt the Brooke/Mouth scene was a huge let down. If it wasn't for Mouth and Haley, Brooke would never have started the company in the first place. Him with the website and Haley with the encouragement. And now she has lost everything, they had a two minute scene about it. Whatever. This bullshit show has just become so pathetic lately every minute of it is a new letdown.


So, recap of what we learned from this episode:


1. Brooke lost her company and is sad about it. But hey, we're moving forward because Julian's Mom is in town and... they're planning the wedding.


2. Julian is asking the question "What Comes next?"


3. Clay and Quinn got shot. They say "I Love You" a lot.


4. Nathan gave up basketball and doesn't know what to do next.


5. Mia can't get over Chase and is acting like a pus-infected boil on everyone's ass.


6. Haley is pregnant.


7. Alex is an actress.


8. Mouth is a freak.


Yes, as you can see - we're moving ahead in leaps and bounds!

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy.

OTH - Schwahn's Newest Sleeping Pill Alternative!

Welcome to Snore-ville. Please leave your appreciation for entertainment at the door!

I've been sitting here staring at this flashing cursor that's telling me it's time to write, for about twenty solid minutes now. Time to rant, rave and review the latest episode of One Tree Hill. Time to vent about all the things that I hated about this show. Maybe even talk about a few of the things I liked? (Yeah, I chuckled a little at the thought too!) But what do you do when, quite simply, you are so fucking tired of repeating yourself over and over again? When the very thing you are supposed to blog about is actually so beyond boring and useless that you feel like you're just going to be saying the same shit over and over again?

I think I need to call Mark and ask him how he doesn't get bored using the same storylines in his show over and over again? Because I sure as fuck am tired of watching it!

So I guess this rant will be brief. Or it will channel Mark and feel like the same bullshit is being said all over again. At least you know for that, I am actually sorry!

So we started with Haley writing to Lucas again. I'm tired of this - as if the show wasn't repetitive enough, I now have to endure the same opening all the time. I guess they tried to change it up with the new renditions of the theme song, but you all already know how I feel about this. And can I just say, tonight's one was the worst of the lot. Sounded like some creepy, dirty old man singing drunk at a bar. I felt the need to sanitize myself after it. I actually did, honestly. YUCK!

As for Pucas possibly returning, which seems to be a highly discussed topic because a good 80% of viewers do NOT want to see this happen, we all know by now that Mark is doing this to keep Pucas lovers watching. Kinda like how he kept us BLers glued by pretending that BL may happen again, when the cock-sucking bastard knew it was never a possibility. Sadly though, it seems the jerk off wants this hell-couple back on the box. I'm sure their lucrative careers in lifetime shows and b-grade movies are fascinating, but let's get real here. If Sophia hated working with her douche ex so much, why would he come back? If the rumours about pay checks and bad blood on set and Hilarie cheating on her husband are true - why have them back? Is Mark really that self-centered?

Did I really just ask that question? This show is draining the life and sense out of me. Watching 40 minutes of it every week is actually making me dumber.

Bottom line - I don't want them back. They left, fucked off into oblivion with their demon child, just fucking piss off and stop torturing us already. Can you imagine Seyton and Quinn on the same screen Ugh, just the thought makes me want to vomit.

Speaking of vomiting due to visual abuse by the television, who else wanted to strangle Mia? A voodoo doll, really? How pathetic are you, you washed-up, dog-faced bitch? YOU dumped Chase. YOU were so tacky you did it via text message. YOU DID IT! Alex may be a bitch, not saying she isn't, but she doesn't deserve the stinking shit of hypocrisy and blame-shifting you seem to be serving. Also, really, just like that she can play at a festival after being off the music scene for months? Does Mark ever think about how unrealistic his storylines are? Does anyone even give a shit about Haley and Mia going to that other lame show with she-devil Liz from Roswell? I don't even care enough to remember the name of it.

So Mia sucks. I hate her. I was enjoying watching her suffer at the hands of Alex and Chase, who I could stand. And of course, they fuck that up. They make it seem like Chase might be the guy Alex could change for, and bam, she's now some liar and he's done. If they put him back with Mia, so help me god, I am going to scream.

GET THAT DAMN BITCH OFF MY SCREEN!

Nathan and Haley - what's with the extra cheese? I'm bored with their scenes. I'm bored with the way they are dragging out Nathan's retirement. He played for what, a year? No one gives a fuck about you dude, seriously. You play for the fucking Bobcats. And really, how long do we have to wait to see what happens next? The question keeps being asked, we're all waiting for an answer. A sign. ANYTHING! This show is going nowhere. And Nathan pimping Mouth and how great he is at the beginning, then having Julian fawn over him and once more, Nathan again. Where the fuck is Millicent? That's her fucking job. I don't care about this rodent, and the condoms? Ew. Mouth and condoms should never be in the same scene unless you wanna promote abstinence. seriously.

Clay and Quinn. I was going to say that.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *drool* *snore* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *wakes up*. Oh I'm sorry, I guess this super-lame snore-fest couple does that to me. If I have to hear one more time about how much they love each other I think I'm gonna get on a plane, walk into the house and finish the fucking job Katie started. Really? How long do they think they can keep playing with my gag reflexes like this? Yeah, let's throw a parade and a fucking party cos some dude who got shot walked out of the hospital. Let's dress up our girlfriend and parade in front of all the sick patients how we can walk outta here and all you guys are still stuck in hell. Nice work, how very thoughtful off you. Maybe the remaining sick patients can clean up the never-ending confetti that came out of Jamie-ferret's fat-ham hand too! This couple just need to get the fuck off my screen, pronto! Just because you say you love each other all the time and throw out the cheesiest lines known to man, doesn't make your chemistry or supposed love story believable. You're boring. Fuck off!

Brooke Davis. I think Julian says her name like this so he can remember. He does seem to be pretty docile. Well, Brooke Davis, why haven't you asked Haley to be your matron of honor? You are the godparent of her child after all. It's the least you could do. Glad she stood up to her Mom, but seriously, how many times are these lame writers going to have them make up, fight, make up, fight... either Victoria is a good Mom or she's not. Either she did this for her daughter because she loves her, or she thinks she's stupid. You cannot redeem a character only to destroy her again - that's why people hate Seyton. You think you would learn from your mistakes.

Wait, this is Mark Schwahn. Nevermind.

So you don't get to have red velvet cupcakes. Note, woman - they suck balls anyway! Would I have liked to see Brooke get her dream wedding - yes? Honestly, yes. Because the character has been bitch-slapped by Mark for far too long now (thanks for that too, Sophia!) I'm tired of the mopey, sad face all the time (No Julian, sad Brooke isn't beautiful - at least, not as beautiful as feisty, happy Brooke, so shut the fuck up, you lame-o). But let's be realistic here again for a minute - even if she got married in McDonald's it would still be classier than the hick-trash wedding of Pucas.

So, at the end of this episode what did we learn?

1 - Haley is pregnant and writing letters to Lucas.

2 - Jamie is grounded.

3 - Nathan is retiring.

4 - Mia can't get over Chase and is acting like a puss-infected boil on everyone's ass.

5 - Brooke is giving up her company and personal wealth to pay back investors and apparently can't have her dream wedding.

6 - Julian is asking the question "What comes next?"

7 - Clay and Quinn keep spurting out "I Love Yous" because we don't hear enough of them and they got shot.

8 - Victoria is in prison.

9 - Mouth has no job and is acting like a freak.

10 - Alex is an actress.

And they think this series is progressive? My fucking ass it is!

We're left at the exact same spot as last week. Or was it the week before? It all seems like the same bullshit to me.

So that is it for the week. Not much to say because there's not much to watch. I feel I'm just repeating myself continuously and unlike Mark, that's not okay with me. The only good thing about this episode was the first song. Greg Laswell is the man!

Until next week's shitfest,

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy

Definition of Boring: One Tree Hill Post Season 3

So there was this one thought that crossed my mind as I was watching this week's episode of One Tree Hill. Surprisingly, it wasn't in the vicinity of "When will this shit be over?", or "Really Mark, really?", or even "Thank fucking god I got through an episode with Mouth, Millicent, Mia and Jamie/Ferret molesting my eyes." (although for the latter I was actually quite grateful). No, this week I sat there, having my eyes abused by this crapfest of a show, and all I could think about is...

What the fuck am I going to blog about?

Truly, this episode was about as enthralling as the past 4+ seasons have been... and that ain't saying much! Last week I complained about how this show didn't seem to move the story forward at all. This week, again, it seems to have come to a complete standstill, although for some reason they think that by having everything seemingly depressing and emotional, people will want to see this show as something more than what it is.

And to think Sophia actually nominated herself for an emmy for this bullshit?

So, where do we begin? Of course, Haley is doing her voiceover to Lucas. Honestly though, these intros are wearing a little thin. In fact, they are almost as annoying as the new theme song every week. Like really, why do you have to mess with a good thing? The only thing these "Dear Lucas" intros are doing is giving false hope to people who will not let go of the idea of Pucas returning for Brooke's magical wedding to Julia. Yes, Julia - because he's acting like such a soft-cock these days I'm beginning to doubt he even has a dick.

So let's get into this Brooke storyline, shall we? I hate to say it, but this whole "losing the company" thing is just getting on my last damn nerve. Sure, it was unrealistic to have everyone in Tree Hill be so damn successful, but honestly, Nathan and Brooke were the only two, since high school, who actually showed any promise in what they did - in my opinion. Sure, Haley can sing, but so can a lot of people out there and let's face it, Bethany Joy isn't exactly steaming up the charts with that miraculous voice of hers. So, in perspective, I felt Brooke's success was actually warranted. Nathan's too.

Now here I am, season 8 and once again dealing with Brooke hitting rock bottom. Losing everything. Mother in prison, company gone - and now apparently, not a cent to her name because she wants to pay back investors. Classy move on her part, no doubt, but really Mark? A multi-million dollar company isn't worth enough to pay back investors? Where is the realism in that big, fat piece of fluff lie? You build Brooke up to be successful, and as a fan I was happy seeing as you seemed hell-bent on snuffing out any other form of happiness that came her way - but now she's not as grand as you lead us to believe? We're supposed to buy that she isn't worth millions - when you have painted that picture of the company many times over?

What the fuck is your problem? Seyton is gone, she got her lame ass, unrealistic happy ending - but again you decide to make Brooke suffer. Apparently happiness just isn't what you feel she deserves. Or her fans.

I have to question why Mark even bothers trying to come off as anything other than a self-serving, arrogant fuckstick.

Naley and Brooke fanbases have given you an extra season, when really, you should have hung up your hat. You're being kept in clean jocks because of their loyalty. Is it THAT hard for you to let Brooke be happy? If Seyton can survive two stalker attacks, a shooting and a spawn that realistically SHOULD have killed her, not to mention have a successful record label... is it really so much to ask that Brooke gets something? ANYTHING?

You really are a sadistic, piece of shit - aren't you Mark Schwahn?

But not only do I have to endure watching Brooke lose everything, but Nathan too? This blow isn't as harsh in my opinion, because he will still have his wealth accumulated and a wife who is just as successful. Not to mention he can still have children. Oh, and his mother isn't in the slammer. The only thing I can say regarding Nathan's storyline is "Can this basketball yo-yo storyline please be over now?" I am so tired of Nathan being this one-dimensional character who does fuck all except play basketball and deliver cheesy romance lines that make me cringe. I'm sure Naley fans love it, but really, it's boring as hell for those of us who aren't hardcore fans of the couple.

Clay and Quinn. Must I say anything except... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Move the fuck on. This couple sucks, no one cares about them. After pimping them as some great love story since season 7, this storyline has bitten the dust. we simply do not give a fuck. and the fact that they keep repeating how they're gonna be together and happy always, you know something is coming around the corner that will be miraculously resolved by the end of the season. PATHETIC! This couple sucks and I cannot believe that a show that used to have the epic couple of Brucas has fallen so far as to think a couple like Succubus and Sunken Face can compare. Go home writers, you deserve to be fired for this bullshit!

Alex and Chase. They had some sweet moments and I have to say I prefer them to Clay/Quinn. Hell, I'm just happy they're keeping him away from the barking Chihuahua Mia. But really, she never loved anyone? How am I supposed to buy that bullshit when she spent all of last season saying she was in love with Julian? Fucking hell, she tried to kill herself because she thought she couldn't have him - but now she's saying she's never felt in love?

Excuse me why I go empty this bucket of bullshit you just tried to throw in my face.

Whilst it's true One Tree Hill needed a reality check when it came to the successes of their characters, to jump from one extreme to the next is beyond ridiculous. Brooke's gesture was kind, but ultimately it is the investors who take the risk when putting money into a project. Legally, Brooke is not liable. Why couldn't they have just let this storyline go, and have her rebuild again? I wanted to see fighter Brooke Davis - not this mopey version of her that they're using to replace the pathetic character that exited at the end of season 6. I'm sure Karen and Andy have thrown her overboard by now after enduring her constant whining.

So... what comes next? Good question, Julian. Hopefully an episode that knows what direction "forward" is.

Rant and rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy

Welcome to the Clay & Quinn Show

And they thought this was going to get them ratings? Someone needs some common sense, pronto!

Okay, it's official. I wanna know who is in charge of Mark's brain now that Seyton has left the building? I spent six seasons getting used to it being all about Peyton and her happy ending, her happy life, her not paying for the skanky moves and backstabbing actions she committed throughout the series. Mark Schwahn had a boner for Hilarie and we all knew it. Hell, she probably sucked him off daily just to get things done her way. But how on Earth did the succubus Quinn manage to get everything to be about her?

Perhaps he really does have a thing for anorexic, duck-faced bitches?

So once again we're back for round three of the painful eighth series of One Lame Hill. I have to admit, this particular episode made me angrier than the previous two and I cannot believe Mark thinks he is so above and beyond reproach that he thought this lump of crap was actually worth the 44 minutes of my life it consumed. I would have been better off dedicating that time to picking my nose than enduring this pathetic excuse for a show.

What made me so angry? I think it was partly due to the fact that this whole episode seemed to move the story forward all of maybe, 4 inches. Not even a dick from the heavens would be satisfying at that size! Seriously, we are no better off at the end of this episode than we were the end of the previous one. It stuck us in a stale, non-mobile state of watching the most boring couple on the show take center stage with their drama that really, let's face it, no one gives two flying fucks about!

So, we endured Haley and Nathan expressing their feelings for the entire episode. Unfortunately, as sweet as some of their scenes were, they were ALL centered around Clay and Quinn. To watch every single character that appeared today have their story dictated by this chemistry-lacking couple, who barely know the majority of them, was beyond ridiculous. But on top of that, the whole Naley storyline seemed to have ceased when it came to her sister and his manager. So basically, the majority of scenes were set in the hospital, but neither the conversations or interactions had any real impact on the show. Honestly, they were pretty much boring throughout.

I was excited to see Nathan at the hospital in a previous episode - and now we find out his back is degenerating. Interesting, but yet again, Nathan's storyline is focused on basketball. The worst part? His admission was put on the back burner for the rest of the episode because it had no bearing on Clay and Quinn's storyline. We got a whole two minutes dedicated to it before Clay was mentioned again. Since when have Naley's storylines EVER been less important than a couple like Quinn and Clay? Oh that's right, since season 7 when this fucking absurdity began. Really, they were probably the most enlightening part of the whole episode, and it's become abundantly clear, that only the hardcore Naley fans are the ones excited to see this show week in and week out. I think even they would have been pissed off at the episode this week.

Then we have the drama with COB, Brooke, Millicent and Victoria. So, Victoria is off to jail instead of Brooke and she gets to keep her company. Funny how people were going nuts at Brooke for trusting her mother and calling her a dumbass on the CW boards. I'd like to see their Mom go to the slammer for them. Bitches. Although, I have to admit that this seems like a fair punishment, as it was actually Victoria who did it. Perhaps Millicent should get into trouble too though, since she forged just as many signatures, or at least knew about what was going down. Conspiracy, I believe they call it. However, the only thing that actually annoyed me about this particular storyline, was the fact that due to the immense time spent of having the characters run around Quinn and Clay like ferrets on crack for the entire episode, this storyline was only dedicated ten minutes of the ep in total. Someone like Victoria, who has been around longer than Quinn and Clay, went to prison and the writers could give two shits about that.

There's a reason you only got 1.9mil last week... time to wake up to yourselves, don't ya think?

Add to that, Brooke and Julian babysat Jamie for the day, and they had a few scenes together that spoke about their situation, but honestly, their screen time was so limited that anything they said was not pivotal to the storyline. It went nowhere. And the mentioning of them being good parents by Chubby Checker Scott makes me wonder why adoption hasn't been addressed? Or fostering, since Brooke took care of Sam and Angie. We get that this storyline isn't going away - so fucking do something with it. Don't rush it at the end and make it another copy of the lame celebrity couple who bought their baby.

Although I was grateful for the limited Julian.

What else pissed me off? Oh right, the blatant stealing of storylines. Patrick Swayzee would be turning in his grave at the fact that Mark Schwahn STOLE the idea of Ghost for this episode. Really, Ghosts talking to one another, helping each other out? Stuck between living and dying completely.

And who else just KNEW that the Will dude helping him out was gonna die and then TA DA, he's an organ donor.

BITCH PUH-LEASE! Just like I said on the CW boards - Y&R called and they want their unbelievable soap opera storylines back!

Like really, not only are we supposed to believe that some bitch gets shot, lays there bleeding out for 12 hours but miraculously wakes up the next day - but now we're supposed to believe that the guy that got shot with her, bled out for twelve hours, had failing kidneys and needed a transplant, got put on life support cos his organs were shutting down and he couldn't breathe on his own... is alive and kicking a week later?

BITCH PUH-LEASE x 2! This may be your version of heaven Quinn-tessential-idiot James, but this is our kind of soap digest HELL!

More annoying traits of the episode? Oh right, apparently not only are we subjected to Haley writing to Lucas at the beginning of every episode (I'm sorry, but you cannot replace the originality of Lucas Scott voiceovers, get a clue dickheads), but Mark thinks apparently messing with the new theme song is some genius, artistic idea. Who else wanted to turn it down for not only the sheer volume (we get it - crap still sounds crap at high decibels) but for how shameful it is to mess with Gavin's song like that? Bad move, Marky Mark. The Funky Bunch writers of yours let us down big time.

Fucking with a theme song is like Pucas - it just ain't right!

And Mouth and Millicent - awkward moment and then no addressing the storyline again for the rest of the episode. It was like a drive by shooting, only no aftermath. I was about to say "What the Fuck" but then realized that the storyline was focused on some other steaming turd-pile couple and my senses returned. Or my gag-reflex - it was one of the two.

Speaking of steaming turds, having Mouth podcast throughout the episode may have paid homage to previous years, but really, again - you cannot replace Lucas Scott narration with someone like Marvin McFadden throwing out sports quotes and eventually linking them all to Clay. Apparently, we need overly-obvious analogies to understand what Mark was trying to convey this episode. And what is with people repeating each other's lines? Once or twice is artistic - continually all episode is just plain annoying. We're not slow, and although our sanity is questionable because we subject ourselves to this bullshit out of some sense of loyalty, we're not crazy - we don't need to be told what is happening throughout the episode like we're toddlers trying to understand.

The good points - no mention of Seyton (HURRAH - FINALLY!), and no Alex/Chase and that FUG PUG Mia. It was a nice change. Although honestly, I would have settled for them and their stupid storyline over Clay and Quinn. Now that both are alive and well, maybe they can fuck off from my screen for a while and give my poor, tortured eyes a rest? Would we ever be so lucky?

So, at the end of the rubbish episode, I'm left doing two things. Going ape-shit on the cw at fuckers who bitch at me for wanting this show cancelled (you like it, so how stable are you, really?), and ranting to you people, the ones who actually have a brain and will speak the truth to the very end.

Oh, and FYI to all those crazies who keep begging to have Chad and Hil come back - Chad just signed onto a new movie, so not sure sure about your chances for that one. And yes, there IS a huge grin on my face right now!

So rant and rave people!

Much love,

Toddian and Chrissy

If Only This WAS a Dream - The Nightmare of OTH Continues...

DREAM SEQUENCES DIDN'T PREVENT THIS SHOW FROM BEING ONE NIGHTMARE TO WATCH!

So in the wake of the Sophia-Gate Scandal, OTH returned with it's second installment of shit shovelling for the new season last night. I admit, I came into this week not giving two shits about anything concerning this show anymore. Never-the-less, due to this blog and the many of you who come and rant to us each week so faithfully, here we are once again voicing our opinions of the farce that is OTH. So here's the LOWdown (and we mean low, cos this show is just utter garbage now) on what happened in that wasted hour of my life.

Of course, we go no further than one and half minutes and already Lucas and Peyton's names are mentioned. Honestly, I nearly gave up on this bullshit right then and there. I seemed to remember this fug, limp-dick tv writer/producer known as Mark Douchebag Schwahn reiterating last season that constantly bringing up Lucas and Peyton would be a detriment to the show because it needed to start fresh, move on and survive in spite of their departures. Well, guess that went down the shitter along with his creativity. Once again we are subjected to a melancholy Haley explaining to Lucas just how much she misses the dickhead who didn't bother to turn up to her mother's funeral. She misses the fake-blonde bulimic bitch (Lindsay Strauss, amen to you sister) who basically did jack crap to make Haley's life ANY better, and she misses other past characters who have died, moved on and left this steaming turd of a show in the dust. Yes, their names needed to be mentioned because...

*insert crickets*.

Is it really necessary to mention any of these lifetime-movie-bound degenerates anymore? Seriously, we DON'T give a fuck! After throwing countless people our way in order to replace them, it seems rather stupid to be bringing them back up now to pimp a show that many people have abandoned. Seriously, there are only two possible outcomes for this: the anti-LP fans will roll their eyes and curse the high heavens for even mentioning the gruesome twosome, and the Pukers will cry out in despair for teasing them with the obvious name drops.

MOVE THE FUCK ON!

And apparently because we didn't get enough of the overly-sad and emotional Haley last season, it is of course the now pregnant Mrs Nathan Scott who stumbles upon the bodies of her sister and Clay. Not even the attempt at fancy camera work and eerie music could stop me from laughing at the scene. Of all people to find them, it had to be Haley. I thought she was gonna run and throw herself off the side off the balcony. But for some reason, she held it together. Yes, apparently watching your Mom get the chance to say goodbye and pass on with her whole family surrounding her is much more traumatic that seeing your sister shot and bleeding out on the floor. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at this. Not to mention, twelve hours plus after the shooting they find them, and we're supposed to believe Quinn wakes up that same day? I'm sorry, but constantly having people say "It's a miracle they're even alive" doesn't change the fact that this storyline is complete horse shit!

I had to admit though, I found myself getting into the dream sequences. The lines were great, the scenery was beautiful, having Ghost Quinn and Clay figure out what happened to them and watching over their friends was really nice... until that sense of deja-vu set in and I realized this fucking storyline is so played out they have buskers in the street playing it for loose change! Really, Clay is going to take on the role of Keith and guide Quinn (who has taken on the role of Lucas/Karen/Dan), through the events and reasons as to why she needs to go back to the people who need her? Really Mark, THIS is what you get paid for? Hell, why don't we summon Demi Moore and see if they did it as well as Patrick Swayze did in Ghost back in 1990. This storyline is an EPIC FAIL!

Then moving on to Brooke's story lines, which are just as boring (but at least not romantically). So your Mom forged your name on documents that could get you sent to prison. And Millicent knew about it. And chucking a tantrum in the back office of your store is really going to help with that. I'm sorry, but as an owner of a company you need to have better business sense than that. I knew people were going to jump ALL OVER her line about being spoken to like a twelve, then eight year old. Honestly Sophia, you sure you want to claim input on this character? She's getting DUMBER by the minute. She gets props ONLY for the Baley scenes. They felt like a glimmer of the old school OTH and have been few and far between. Unfortunately, the huge gaps between seeing them have made them lose their appeal and they just don't have the same spark anymore.

Speaking of failed sparks, I was more than happy to have limited Boolian scenes. Julian and Jamie together were great - I got to skip through two of the most annoying characters on the show at the same time! Seriously though, I am so sick of hearing about what a dag Julian was in high school. Get the fuck over it, freak! I know these writers want it to seem like a fairytale that the nerd can get the popular girl later in life, but damn, I just cannot see Julian as anything other than a big-foreheaded mongrel who abused Brooke abominably in season 6 in regards to Alex and his precious script, and paid no restitution for it. He got a Seyton Free-Pass! WHAT THE FUCK? And now because he hangs out with a kid all day and starts acting like a sad, pathetic loser I'm supposed to like him again? Wrong, dickheads! Also, abusing the "Pretty Girl" name again still won't deter from the fact that...

PRETTY GIRL AND BOYFRIEND ARE BROOKE DAVIS AND LUCAS SCOTT, MOTHER FUCKERS!

ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE!

No matter who else uses those nicknames, they will always belong to them. You cannot kill the memory, so quit trying to, you jealous bastards!

So what else happened in this non-event of an episode? Right, Mouth and Millicent finding mutual understanding in how pathetic they both are (you just KNOW they are heading back down THAT path of lameness again!) Mia being a troll as per usual, only this time she actually admitted she was the cause of her break-up with Chase. Still, had to call Alex a bitch, didn't you? Serious case of hypocrisy there you butt-sniffing crack whore. I would rant further but I don't give enough of a damn to go through this inane storyline of Alex/Chase and Mia. Honestly, who gives a fuck?

But I do have to say... the man love this episode was a little disturbing. Nathan and Clay - there was always the vibe and this week we got the "I Love Yous." But nothing was more disturbing than Mouth and Chase and the knotted cherry tie that literally made me look at Mouth like he was some horny, old freak who was about to commit disgusting acts in public. EEEW! Get that fucking shit off my screen!

So, what are my parting words? Honestly, it goes to those bastard freaks on the CW lounge who told me "IN YOUR FACE" in a thread that wanted season 8 cancelled. Naturally, I was all for it, but they argued that I was delusional and not a true fan because the first episode raked in over 2.2 million and that was up on the end of last season.

FYI Dumbshits - 2.2 million is STILL ABYSMAL! But not as bad as the 1.9 million it got for last night's episode, so to all you little ass fuckers out there who jumped on me for my opinion, suck on that fat juicy one you dickheads! Muahahahahahahaha!

Also, lastly, congratulations to the 400,000 of you who jumped this sinking ship of a bullshit television show and decided not to return this week for another round of eye-abuse. I hope you enjoyed NCIS/Glee/DWTS and The Biggest Loser as they all rated much better than OTH did in the same time slot (by millions, I might add!) So, kudos!

Okay, so after a tiring week of tweeting, replying, reliving the Sophia-drama and second failed attempt at entertainment by the OTH team, we bid you adieu for another week and as always, would love to hear your opinions!!

Rant and Rave people,

Toddian & Chrissy.